In the past week, my mind and subconscious travelled back in time. On Monday, I dreamt of me being 14 again, going to a polytechinic which looked like a secondary school.
During the rest of the week, my dreams were somehow filled with images of the past, showing what the future would be like if I made the choice to take a different route at each junction back in those days. My waking life over the week was miserable, filled with nothing more than sheer regret. It's the same thoughts of "Why didn't I have the courage to make the move back then? Why didn't I sign up for it? If only I hadn't done this, if only I had done that."
Wednesday, I had a dream, as a result of too much video games. Found myself in a boss fight with 2 other characters. One girl, and a knight. The knight refused to accept me for some reason, which I forgot what it was after I woke. The fight took place at a small village, defeated the boss, and moved on to a cave, where we fought off monsters. Somehow, we ended up at school, and fr some reason, we made our way to the SDAR office. There, for some reason, the knight finally accepted me, and things started happening at a fast rate. A girl(not the one I started out with), rushed to me, passing me a small, A5 sized ring binded booklet, its cover made of recycled paper. Along its left side, was 2 words spelled in capital, and 4 digits, in olive green colour. On the right, were 4 photographs, presumably from a tour. She said that she was there to pass me the booklet on behalf of a Dr. __________ (it's an Indian name). On it was a note, which was a message written to her asking to pass the booklet to me, his name was at the bottom of the note. I fell into a daze as I saw the cover page and flipped the booklet open. I woke after that. That evening, I wrote a message, which might not mean anything to the recipient, but it helped me let go.
On Friday, I went to Pizza Hut with the peeps from N4. On the way back, I 'saw' the girl who passed me the booklet in the dream I had on Wednesday. She asked for directions to the school, and ran off. So, in the dream, she passed me a booklet, while in person, she asked for directions. Weird.
In the evening, went to Kismis field for the ME fun day. The tug of war lasted 5 seconds, with us petite friends, losing to a bunch of muscular students. It wasn't demoralising at all, in fact, our bonds got stronger. Then came the relay. It was funny to meet the same opponents, but it was funnier to see how we reacted to one another's ways of completing his leg of the relay. Rushed off to meet Zheng Yan and Zihao for the barbeque at Toa Payoh.
We took 157, and arrived at 7. Someone said Ryan would be late, but she never mentioned which one. As a result, both were. Nearly the whole class was there that night, and it was a night worth remembering, although there was no stayover due to a low response. Went for supper at King Albert Park with Zheng Yan, Ryan Ng, Jing Hui, Chiahua and Gekshan. At 12.45am, Jing Hui and Ryan Ng accompanied back home for the night, after we saw Chiahua, Gekshan and Zhengyan off halfway during the journey.
In the morning, they left, and I headed off for Lakeside at 10.15am. I reached at 10.35, and met up with Zhong Rong and Zijie(Yes! I finally met him in person!). Zhong Rong gave mr Liew a call, which gave us the reassurance that we could crash the secondary 1 CCA Open House without any complications. Went on a tour, and noticed the changes in the school(not physical changes though). At 12, went to Jurong Point for lunch with Andy, Zhong Rong, Zijie and the juniors. Had a nice time getting to know them a little over lunch. 1pm, we went to take a group photo. Before that, a few more joined in. A strong sense of Deja Vu. Many thoughts ran through my mind at the time, and that, prompted me to tell someone something later that day. Whatever the dream was, don't think it would be appropriate to describe it here nor what I felt due to sensitive issues(leave me a message if you are serious about it).
Took the train home after taking the bus back. Finally, I could catch up on my sleep. That night, was probably the best night I had that week. Regrets that I had back in old school that I kept close to me, I finally let go that dreamless night.
Sunday, I had my first driving experience on the expressway. It was no different than driving on the road, except that with low mental stamina, I found it hard to concentrate, to maintain the vehicle's course within the lane, for it was always moving toward the right. Even as I kept to a speed of 60km/h which made things easy for me, I found myself starting to become mentally tired 15 minutes into the drive on the way home. It's better to be physically tired, than mentally tired, for the consciousness of an average person is way stronger than the physical strength of the strongest person alive.
So many things happened in a week, I found myself 'travelling' to the past and back, through gatherings and re-visits. On Monday, I opened my eyes to a whole new future. I am starting to let go of the past regrets which have, and will continue to prevent me from doing some things in the future. Only by letting go, would one find more roads to choose from. Looking forward with no regrets, is better than looking back and wondering if the choice made was the right one.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Friday, January 08, 2010
A Whole New Beginning, Almost
To many, 2010 is a whole new beginning. For some, it's just a continuation of 2009(2010 is just another number on the calendar). For a few, it's a transition to the future.
2010 is the equivalent of adding one to 2009. one is the equivalent of 365. The past 365 days is the equivalent of countless happenings and memories, good or bad.
This week concludes and seals up half of the things I had been doing over the past 3 months. Learning, not mastering a skill that is useful for life, and something which could be the beginning of my 'comeback'. Over the week, it was just resettling to the school environment after a long break, results of my performance in the previous year and making plans for the next 356 days.
Monday I received the FM and SOM papers. My first 2 As for the term. It was already expected, for I answered the questions in a manner it would seem almost as though one was looking at the answer guide.
Tuesday, I went on a Re-test for my driving. I did pretty well for the warm-up, except my chaning of lanes was a bit of a problem that morning(somehow the error that I did 2 months back had returned). I expected to pass the test with a total of 10 demerit points, but was awarded with 18points. Not bad, with an improvement of 8 less points and no immediate failures compared to the first attempt which had a report which was 2 pages long(good thing no staples were found on the report), with 26 points and an immediate fail.
Wednesday, was a warm-up to Thursday and Friday.
Thursday, received my Calculus paper. Did slightly better than expected, but I'll be pushing for a jump of 3 to 4 grades if possible, in the finals.
Today, I lost my mood to study for a moment when my ED was a mark short of an A. I lost marks for calculation errors, and a missing line in 2 answers. Well, will just have to complete all outstanding tutorials and assignments hoping that should something similar happen, I might just be able to pull it off.
Next week, more stuff would unfold.
The night before, I had a dream of something similar to number 9, except that it was a different face. Before that night, I had others as well, except they're more complicated to explain in the fom of a short story. It's weird. Why am I seeing faces that I have never seen in person? What were they suppossed to mean? It's been happening ever since I had number 6. Could it mean...
2010 is the equivalent of adding one to 2009. one is the equivalent of 365. The past 365 days is the equivalent of countless happenings and memories, good or bad.
This week concludes and seals up half of the things I had been doing over the past 3 months. Learning, not mastering a skill that is useful for life, and something which could be the beginning of my 'comeback'. Over the week, it was just resettling to the school environment after a long break, results of my performance in the previous year and making plans for the next 356 days.
Monday I received the FM and SOM papers. My first 2 As for the term. It was already expected, for I answered the questions in a manner it would seem almost as though one was looking at the answer guide.
Tuesday, I went on a Re-test for my driving. I did pretty well for the warm-up, except my chaning of lanes was a bit of a problem that morning(somehow the error that I did 2 months back had returned). I expected to pass the test with a total of 10 demerit points, but was awarded with 18points. Not bad, with an improvement of 8 less points and no immediate failures compared to the first attempt which had a report which was 2 pages long(good thing no staples were found on the report), with 26 points and an immediate fail.
Wednesday, was a warm-up to Thursday and Friday.
Thursday, received my Calculus paper. Did slightly better than expected, but I'll be pushing for a jump of 3 to 4 grades if possible, in the finals.
Today, I lost my mood to study for a moment when my ED was a mark short of an A. I lost marks for calculation errors, and a missing line in 2 answers. Well, will just have to complete all outstanding tutorials and assignments hoping that should something similar happen, I might just be able to pull it off.
Next week, more stuff would unfold.
The night before, I had a dream of something similar to number 9, except that it was a different face. Before that night, I had others as well, except they're more complicated to explain in the fom of a short story. It's weird. Why am I seeing faces that I have never seen in person? What were they suppossed to mean? It's been happening ever since I had number 6. Could it mean...
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Passed on 18
9.10am. An officer in shades (who looked like one of the 'government officials' from the previous camp I had last year) was assigned to me. I felt I did perfectly fine within the circuit(it seemed as though we had spent less than 10 minutes in there) until the second last turn before turning at 50. I was slow in returning the wheel(as always), and jammed the brakes in time to prevent a collision with the car in front. We went out, I nearly took a wrong turn, it went fine for the next 2 minus after turning left on Route 5. I made the same mistake I always made on the stretch of road, dealing me 4 points. I made a similar mistake to something I did on the first attempt, though it was less serious, dealing me yet another 4 points. He cut my route short, and we headed straight back after the passing he MRT station.
955 hours on 5 January 2010. Without his shades, he looked different. First thing I did as he took out the test report: Points? 18. YEAH!!! Oh wait. Huh? 18? Why?
He sat down, spoke only six lines in a harsh tone before leaving the test report with me and left(it was the extremely short lecture that surprised me). During the duration of the test, I knew I had committed a total of three mistakes, not 5. Im total, I failed to confirm safety at the directional change(guess I checked the particular spot only once, while he wasn't looking), dealing me 4 points, changed lane abruptly once in the circuit and once on the road(in the circuit? When?), dealing me 8 points and finally, I veered off course at the U-turn, dealing me 4 points, for a grand total of 18 demerit points.
Spent the next 2 hours watching a video, taking photographs, making my license, getting the probation plates and closing my account. Rushed to school to complete and submit a project(which I did wrongly and was unable to make corrections due to the facilities being full booked for the day).
955 hours on 5 January 2010. Without his shades, he looked different. First thing I did as he took out the test report: Points? 18. YEAH!!! Oh wait. Huh? 18? Why?
He sat down, spoke only six lines in a harsh tone before leaving the test report with me and left(it was the extremely short lecture that surprised me). During the duration of the test, I knew I had committed a total of three mistakes, not 5. Im total, I failed to confirm safety at the directional change(guess I checked the particular spot only once, while he wasn't looking), dealing me 4 points, changed lane abruptly once in the circuit and once on the road(in the circuit? When?), dealing me 8 points and finally, I veered off course at the U-turn, dealing me 4 points, for a grand total of 18 demerit points.
Spent the next 2 hours watching a video, taking photographs, making my license, getting the probation plates and closing my account. Rushed to school to complete and submit a project(which I did wrongly and was unable to make corrections due to the facilities being full booked for the day).
Friday, January 01, 2010
And A New Decade Begins
Leagues later, 2009 has become yet another completed chapter in the history book. 10.10pm on Friday, on 1st January 2010. A quick look back at 2009.
First 'adventurous' journey home from Merlion Park on 1st January 2009, on foot, which lasted 5 hours. First camp and sparring competition. My first overseas trip with the school. Started on my driving lessons in March. Formation of a new CCA. CCA orientation camp. Went on neighbourhood photo-taking tour in Bukit Panjang, Chua Chu Kang, Taman Jurong, Rivervale, Sengkang, Tampines, Kembangan, Siglap, Pasir Ris, Loyang and Changi. Downfall of a great friendship with friends whose faces I have never seen before. Got my third phone on Saturday,5 September. My second, and very likely, my last sparring competition. One star kayaking course at Pasir Ris Beach. First leadership camp in school. First Marathon, completed in 6 hours 50 minutes due to unexpected circumstances. Night cycling around the Eastern Park Connector Network on Sunday, 27th December.
2009 has been a year where countless lessons were learnt, and many fond memories forged. Met many great friends, learnt ways of finding out who was true, and who was not.
The past year was filled with more hardship and sorrow than happiness. Pressed badly for time due to many commitments and the lack of proper time management. Lost many things I held closely to compared to the bonds and memories I gained.
The last week of December 2009 has been a great one. Saturday,26th December, went to my Primary school teacher's home for a primary 5,6 class gathering after our last gathering 2 years ago. It was difficult indentifying some of us, as everyone of us had changed. Spent a day gaming, taking photographs and having dinner and supper together.
A day later, went out for night cycling and photograph taking tour of sights seen along the Eastern Park Connector Network with three friends(after the first attempt in September failed due to torrential rain and time constraints). With that, I have become more aquianted with the Eastern part of the country, though some areas are not the safest places to be after midnight. Monday, reached home, packed, headed back to school for a last minute meeting.
Tuesday, had my driving instructor on his last day at the school. Wednesday, rushed to complete part of a project in school before going to the bus stop to meet some friends, beore heading off to Toa Payoh. That day, was the first time we had more than 10 volunteers helping out, delivering food to the senior citizens in the town. The night before, I had a dream of myself with a friend, helping two girls in finding their direction. It did not dawn upon me unil later that afternoon at 4.45pm, that I would be meeting them, though their looks were slightly different from the images I 'saw' in the dream the previous night. Met 2 new friends, and a former room mate at the previous camp. we completed our area in 45 minutes, before heading off to the HDB hub for dinner.
Thursday, went for my last driving lesson before the new year. Did not have much major problems, except for the minor mistakes that I never found out. In the evening, went for a 9 kilometre run that lasted 55 minutes, before watching a disappointing countdown party on television, and keeping watch of a blue moon from 1 till 4am.
Today, rushed part of my project, before continuing to Orchard Cineleisure with family to catch Avatar 3D at 1.50pm. It was a great movie, currently the best movie I have ever caught at a cinema. The graphics, cinematics and plots were espeially stunning. I had two dreams of the plot over a span of three days, which kind of gave me a short preview of the movie. Went shopping, before heading over to Jurong East for dinner after going home.
2010 began with a bang like the previous years, however, I have a gut feeling, that this year, things would be unimaginably great. Miracles would unfold. I don't know how, but I just know it, that 2010 would be a year that is filled with more pleasant memories compared to previous years.
2010, I see you. Top 3 resoultions(I'm still thinking of more to fill in). Finding you, because I just haven't met you yet. Finding my first GPA of 4.0. A chance to travel to places I have never been to.
First 'adventurous' journey home from Merlion Park on 1st January 2009, on foot, which lasted 5 hours. First camp and sparring competition. My first overseas trip with the school. Started on my driving lessons in March. Formation of a new CCA. CCA orientation camp. Went on neighbourhood photo-taking tour in Bukit Panjang, Chua Chu Kang, Taman Jurong, Rivervale, Sengkang, Tampines, Kembangan, Siglap, Pasir Ris, Loyang and Changi. Downfall of a great friendship with friends whose faces I have never seen before. Got my third phone on Saturday,5 September. My second, and very likely, my last sparring competition. One star kayaking course at Pasir Ris Beach. First leadership camp in school. First Marathon, completed in 6 hours 50 minutes due to unexpected circumstances. Night cycling around the Eastern Park Connector Network on Sunday, 27th December.
2009 has been a year where countless lessons were learnt, and many fond memories forged. Met many great friends, learnt ways of finding out who was true, and who was not.
The past year was filled with more hardship and sorrow than happiness. Pressed badly for time due to many commitments and the lack of proper time management. Lost many things I held closely to compared to the bonds and memories I gained.
The last week of December 2009 has been a great one. Saturday,26th December, went to my Primary school teacher's home for a primary 5,6 class gathering after our last gathering 2 years ago. It was difficult indentifying some of us, as everyone of us had changed. Spent a day gaming, taking photographs and having dinner and supper together.
A day later, went out for night cycling and photograph taking tour of sights seen along the Eastern Park Connector Network with three friends(after the first attempt in September failed due to torrential rain and time constraints). With that, I have become more aquianted with the Eastern part of the country, though some areas are not the safest places to be after midnight. Monday, reached home, packed, headed back to school for a last minute meeting.
Tuesday, had my driving instructor on his last day at the school. Wednesday, rushed to complete part of a project in school before going to the bus stop to meet some friends, beore heading off to Toa Payoh. That day, was the first time we had more than 10 volunteers helping out, delivering food to the senior citizens in the town. The night before, I had a dream of myself with a friend, helping two girls in finding their direction. It did not dawn upon me unil later that afternoon at 4.45pm, that I would be meeting them, though their looks were slightly different from the images I 'saw' in the dream the previous night. Met 2 new friends, and a former room mate at the previous camp. we completed our area in 45 minutes, before heading off to the HDB hub for dinner.
Thursday, went for my last driving lesson before the new year. Did not have much major problems, except for the minor mistakes that I never found out. In the evening, went for a 9 kilometre run that lasted 55 minutes, before watching a disappointing countdown party on television, and keeping watch of a blue moon from 1 till 4am.
Today, rushed part of my project, before continuing to Orchard Cineleisure with family to catch Avatar 3D at 1.50pm. It was a great movie, currently the best movie I have ever caught at a cinema. The graphics, cinematics and plots were espeially stunning. I had two dreams of the plot over a span of three days, which kind of gave me a short preview of the movie. Went shopping, before heading over to Jurong East for dinner after going home.
2010 began with a bang like the previous years, however, I have a gut feeling, that this year, things would be unimaginably great. Miracles would unfold. I don't know how, but I just know it, that 2010 would be a year that is filled with more pleasant memories compared to previous years.
2010, I see you. Top 3 resoultions(I'm still thinking of more to fill in). Finding you, because I just haven't met you yet. Finding my first GPA of 4.0. A chance to travel to places I have never been to.