6.4 Revving Up

Everything's in place, all set for the move. Another month down, three to go. This week was filled with uncertainty, though academically things were looking great. E learning totally sucks, though it meant we get more freedom and time to rush our projects. Nearing completion, we're getting ready for the final panel.

We proved that we could use mirrors to reflect the energy from the focal point on Monday, Tuesday was spent at the Dental Center, First test on Wednesday, E learning on Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time was spent on relaxing, manufacturing, preparation of the final one, and procrastination. It's been getting rather serious lately. In the past it wasn't even there. In August, maybe earlier, it just came. Wonder what's wrong. Thought it would leave me alone once it's had its share of the cookie. It stayed. I might lose friends if it goes on that way. Hope I can overcome it soon, before more damage is done.

The past few days, I related my daily happenings to dreams I had over the years. Slowly but surely, I'm beginning to see everything falling into place, every action and decision making some sense. Maybe, that's how my life was supposed to be. Either I wasn't meant to be living that way, or something out there, is making things more challenging for me, making every effort I made worth the while.

Till I Find You

Walking on streets,

Winding through avenues,

Wondering under bridges.

Journeying through seasons,

Juggling under spots,

Joking on memories.

Dwelling under stars,

Dreaming on nights,

Designing through friendships.

Till I find you. Wait there.

A poem composed from words or whole phrases from titles from Yiruma's albums. Dedicated to a friend, I guess?

Good Start, Slowing Progress?

We had a great start to the semester. Things seemed to be picking up really well over the past 3 weeks. However, today, I felt lighter, as though something was taken off my back. I feel so relaxed. Imagine laying down on a busy road, with vehicles passing at 100km/h, feeling the strong winds blowing against your face.

I have no idea why the sudden relaxation. It was as though a part of me was very motivated and determined to get the job done, yet another was dying for a break, to leave things for the next day.

Something's not right. One moment I was going through the pages, checking for errors and adding details to beautify the paper, the next I was preparing for a trip to Dreamland. It went on the whole day, I didn't know how to continue the day, except to give in, head home and continue from there. So far, it's been better, though by not much. Something like this has never happened before.

Tomorrow, if it's going to be the same, I rather spend the first half of the day at home, cycle to school at 11.30, work on a workpiece, carry out a few tests, cycle home at 4.

Could it be that somehow it's linked?No idea what's been with me lately.

3rd Week: Uncertainty

Reaching the next point, it's a recharge station. It's one where you could relax, and ponder over which of the possible routes to take in front of you. Oh, and you're not supposed to stop for a break, even though you would be stuck there for a short moment. I'm there.

My doubts are cleared, I know, and am able to see the deadline drawing closer, I have other things to consider. I have many different options, each with a set of challenges. Some options carry a similar set of challenges, each with a different weight, though in the end the weights sum up to a hundred. If you did your math, yes I have got hundreds of possible routes I could journey forth from this station. Question is, which one?

The present is definitely important, but isn't the future going to be of a greater importance? As much as I would want to live to the fullest, this hour could possible be my last. What happens today, shapes the future. Should I make the move now? Or should I let it linger close to me for a little longer, and making it happen once I'm ready? Many choices, one decision. Many journeys, one future.

I am a dreamer. I'm like a kid. I want the best case for everything, for everything to go smoothly and well, without the slightest possibility of a failure. I see my options through, thoroughly, like a dream. However, whenever I dream, I lose track of my crafting skills, that's where trouble comes.

Last night, I had a dream. Similar to one I had some time back, travelling on a train, and going to some place. This time, I did not know where I was heading with a group of people, don't know how many, but with at least 3 others. It was 11am, the dream started with me entering a train, joining a group of people. As I traveled, somehow I came to know of a few friends. We alighted at an underground station, and we took a bus to somewhere. Throughout, we were having a great conversation, breaking the ice, sharing about our interests. I did not know how it continued or ended as I woke abruptly at 6am.

Unknowingly a little later I fell asleep and this time I was in front of my computer, noticing someone logging in. Wondering who it was, I decided to start a short conversation, which soon developed into something deeper. The alarm rang at 6.30am, and there, soon I was getting ready for school, unable to know how it continued and eventually ended.

How should I go on? I'm ready for the dive, but I'm not sure how I'm going to land. Should I go ahead, or think it over?

4th Panel

If you're soft spoken, you would be deprived of a chance to save your group's reputation when bombarded with questions from the panel. Always knew that, but I would always be left out. Fastest tongues first. Apparently, in my case, fastest did not necessarily mean best answer. I don't know if I should have simply raised my hand, so that my team could let me share my part of the answer with everyone in the room, or do what I did best, step aside, remain silent and observant, noticing time and again, how one answer led the panel on a wild goose chase.

Time management. If time were so merciful, I bet we would all be getting A after A for our assignments and assessments. Though I was determined to do better, the effort I had put in for the past 7 days was still pathetic. Barely a month to go before the common tests, and 20 days before the product has to be 100% complete.

It's over, time to pick my scarred self up, and continue walking. Falling doesn't seem to hurt anymore, which is probably why it's harder to push myself forward. I made the same promise to a few close friends, to do better. I promised myself, straight As with room for only 1 B this semester. I admire, and wonder how a rare breed, who cry when they fall and suffer a minor scratch, pick themselves up after a moment, and sprint, instead of inching forward in what might seem to them to be excruciating pain. Tonight, I shall remain in that muddy spot while I fell this afternoon. Tomorrow, I shall wake, stand up, and make the sprint toward the finish line which seems miles away. I won't give in, till I pass that red line.