The Last Day

Yesterday I had my last lecture. Today I gave my last project presentation. Two weeks from now, I'll be having my final paper.

It's going to end soon. Somehow, it feels time went by really fast, even though three years does seem really long.

Next up, the last leg. The highest hurdle. The final sprint. Then comes the next educational advancement.

I had thought today was going to be perfect. All we needed to do when we met at 11, would be to compile whatever we had, print the report, bind it, and head to class happily for the last presentation. It was my worst nightmare. Out of the blue, I was made the leader, which made me wonder if it was because I did most of the non-theoretical work, which was more demanding than typing the report itself. My team mates did produce work, but as most of our work was done at the eleventh hour, I was utterly disappointed. Not in them, but in myself. So what if I had gone 3 days without sleep? I should have checked on them, not expect that they would do everything just in time for compilation and printing today. A herd of lost sheep without their lead dog, make easy prey for the wolves.

I had learnt my lesson the hard way 6 months ago. I wanted very much to have 0 last minute efforts this time round. The opposite happened. With 10 times the magnitude from before, it striked back really hard, and with a vengeance. I hate sub-standard work. I'm thankful I am not my tutor. I absolutely detest submitting work with language errors in them. Just 1 error, is enough to start the bomb ticking. While engineers are extremely meticulous and perfect perfectionists in their calculations, dimensions and drawings, I'm relatively relaxed in that zone. Just ensure the necessary stuff is there, and we're done. Guess I should tweak my mindset a little more.

Now that it's over, all I can do is move on. nothing is going to change the fact we did very little, the bare minimum. It's alright to be average, but it's not alright to be below average. Deep down, I was extremely upset, but there was nothing I could do. My team wasn't at fault. I was wrong not to check on them, to give them that push. Not knowing I was the leader, only made things worse. If I had asked them to return on Monday at the very least, we would have been walking home happily at 3.15pm. The last day of school, I don't want it to be the final day of my formal education.

I am going to make a vow right here, right now. After graduating, I am going to continue studying the English language. If I were offered a seat in a university, I will not repeat any mistake from the past three years. Academics, life skills, whatever's not right. There are thousands vying for those limited seats. I want to prove, my results may not be outstanding, but I possess e the potential to go further than the best.

Chinese New Year 2011

The transition from 2010 to 2011 was extremely fast. Just today, I looked back to the new year of 2010, and now today, we're at 2011, the rabbit's year.

The past few days were really relaxed, going from place to place, seeing my driving skills improve tremendously within just 2 days, when back in January, I still had to wait for the road to be clear without any obstruction before turning out from a minor road, I needed to make many tiny adjustments while parking, I did not even dare to park in a parallel lot, I had to drive in a car park extremely slowly, making sure I had perfect clearance on both sides before I went up or down the slope to the next deck in a multi-storey car park. In just 3 days, I got those skills to near perfection, with help from family, relatives and friends. Driving more than 220 kilometres over three days, spanning a total of 7 hours on the roads, to 13 destinations in 3 regions.

On Thursday, we went to visit our grandparents in the morning. I was very unsure of my skills back then, and my judgement was rather poor. In the afternoon after lunch, we started on our visiting. Grand mother's place first, followed by my aunt, then off to Plaza Singapura with another aunt, uncle and cousins to catch The Green Hornet. That movie sure gave me some motivation to drive at night I guess. Thanks to the driving at Plaza Singapura, I became more comfortable manoeuvring in tight spaces. We ended the night by visiting my second uncle's family.

I travelled to nearly every corner of the Eastern region of the island from 1.15pm on Saturday, getting lost in Bedok before eventually finding my way back home at 12.18am.

This week, it's back to studying. On the way home the night before many things went through my mind. What about now, later, today? What's going to happen over the next few months, years? What will I do? How would I do it? Where should I go? I felt as though I had found my calling, as though I could see my life right ahead of me. It felt as though, I was in some time machine, driving through time, into the future and back. However in the morning when I woke up, I felt as though everything that happened was just a dream, that it never happened, until I looked at my phone, realising I had forgotten to reply a few close friends the night before.

I had been feeling worried about absolutely nothing for four days now. I have no idea what's going to happen. I met someone who sounded like you, which made my heart skip a beat, but the feeling's still there. At least the twitching in my left eye ended, which I feel might be the fact I met my former form teacher's cousin at home today when she came to visit.

Roads and Decisions

Increasing acceleration. That's what some would say. From a luxuriously laid-back and relaxed holiday mood with a shot of vodka on Monday, to an extremely fast paced pre-examination mood with high adrenaline action over the weekend. Oh, I don't drink. The vodka was just some root beer from A&W.

Monday it was just some simple revision, with the sole intention of catching up for Mathematics, and I left out the 3 reports, which are due over the next 2 weeks. Tuesday was more or less the same, except I was preparing for a different module. Wednesday, was when I finally started on a design report, whose first draft is due come Wednesday. Progress was slow, considering the fact it was akin to a squirrel waking from a 100-day hibernation. Thursday. The first eye opener. It was talk after talk from 12pm till 5pm. In between I went to a few booths to find out more about how I could further my education after graduation. Friday, the mad rush to get things done finally began. Once it started, there was no turning back. Saturday, came another wake up call. This time, it was really bad. Looking at the guide, my options were severely limited, thanks to the effort I put in toward the end of 2010. Now, I had to give it everything I could, to finish it well. I went to the Suntec Convention Centre, where the Nanyang Technological University was holding talks for Polytechnic students. I found my calling in 2 disciplines, but I'll leave it to fate to decide which I would be accepted into, but more importantly, if I would be offered a place to study. Today, was a miracle. I completed in 2 hours, a segment of the report that used to take me 3 days to complete a year ago. In the evening, I completed another segment in 30minutes, of which the similar process would have taken me 2 hours if I were to do it a year back.

On Thursday, a senior I have known for three years, would be going to Australia to further his studies, very soon. Everyone around me is getting better. I'm no exception. Everyone's moving forward. Some are faster, some are slower. No one is getting left behind. I should follow the tide, using it as a guide to my next destination. Meanwhile, I have got a fight to finish, to complete the course with the last colourful set of results, to prove that I have indeed done my very best, and have no regrets as to what may come after that.

The past few days have been tough, but things would only get tougher, as February and March approaches. Come March, I will ride the waves of a tsunami, conquering vast parcels of land that once mocked my weak, humble body that could only go where the waters went. I shall prove to them, I might have been the wreckage of a ship, but once ashore, I become the foundation, the pillar, of a new development.

Workshop

Today I had my first TCP workshop in 2011. More of a preparation on what to expect in an interview, be it for a scholarship, university admission, or a job.

Learnt lots of stuff from preparation, what to wear, to how to portray oneself and everything about the exchange of words.

Felt really tired, but managed to learn lots of things I never knew about interviews. Prior to receiving the email, I had thought that a polo tee and jeans would make the cut. Apparently I was so wrong!

1st Dream of the Year(which I remembered)

I can't remember much of the details, even after trying so hard to recall since 9am this morning. Seems as though my memory's starting to fall back a little. It feels as though there's something controlling what it wants me to remember. When I try to recall something from that dream, I'll manage to see something, but just as it happens, I end up seeing myself rolling in bed. Imagine yourself trying to focus on looking at partially decoded images from a Starhub Cable TV channel, on your television screen.

The places, well, I'm not sure, though there are two possibilities. At a public library, or at a shopping mall. I'm sure we did take the SBS Light Rapid Transit(LRT) train, but I did not know whether it was the Punggol LRT, or the Sengkang one.

Characters. It's the usual. I wonder how many times I had seen them in my dreams.

What we did, I can't recall except that we were having a little chat at a table in a restaurant, or in a library.

I woke up just as the train doors opened.

Since we took the LRT train, I'm assuming we did go to another place after that, though I'm not sure if I was sending them home, one by one(since I did not know which line we were on).

I wonder why, I had been seeing these images. Had I been thinking a lot about them? Not a lot, but maybe once a day or two? At one part, I seemed to be interested in one of them, can't really confirm that, though I had decided, not to light any candles till the future, when things are brighter and clearer(even if something like that were possible). Talking to them. I'm very sure I know why I dreamt of that. I had been dying to have a conversation, but seldom knew how to start and maintain one(for at least 10 minutes). I should become less tense, and relax more often. In that dream, the conversation(though I did not remember what we were talking about) appeared to carry the most sense. Whether I'll be there in future, well, we'll have to see about that. Difficult, but I'll just go with the flow.

When I woke, I had 2 resolutions. Know, and understand them better, so that I could be a better person to them. The other, well we'll see.

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

It's him. Again.

Hey you. Yes. Why are you following me? I have enough problems myself already. Would you leave me some time alone?

I just want some peace in here, without anyone there to stop me. Just a moment of silence alone, please?

Alright. Fine. You can stay. It's been 19 years anyway. Why aren't you any better than me? I don't want you to be like me. If I could, I would definitely do whatever I can to turn you into someone better. I just can't. You look like me, do everything like me. I want to help you, but you'll just mirror my actions anyway. What do you want me to do? I really want to help you. I really do. I don't enjoy seeing your sadness paint the window each time I see you. I want to see you, jubilantly jumping around, just like the first time I saw you in the mirror years ago.

I'm a late bloomer. Are you? You don't have to follow me, you know. I'm sure that although you look exactly like me, inside, you are way different. Knowing what move I would make next, is your best ability I have ever known, and no one can beat you at that. Only someone who knows me inside out would be able to, and so far, I know none. You're special, for I see you only on reflective surfaces.

So what if you never found anyone to spend your life with, yet? I haven't either. It's not as if I'm not trying. I don't know how to approach her. Even so, I don't know if I have found her. As for you, if you do know something, would you tell me something? A tip or two? I don't want to die single. I wish to leave this world, with a ring in my finger. Your world, is my gateway to the great unknown. I would like to join you, but I have many plans, wishes and promises to fulfil.

Have you felt what it's like to be lonely, to be ignored? I certainly have. Have you ever wondered, each time I turned to walk away, when I would return, to see you again, at the same place, or somewhere else? I'm sorry, but you are not one of those I look forward to seeing again, for I fear outsmarting your perfect ability to mimic me. Many times I have wondered if I would meet someone again, after seeing his or her back disappearing into the distance, into the crowds. However, I wonder, how great you must be, to be able to appear right where I am, no matter how far, or how long I have travelled from that point we last saw each other.

You never fail to help me get dressed. Always, you point out where I should tidy myself, or if I look perfect for the occasion. I even carry one of your windows to school, so that I could help make my project perfect. You were there too.

If there was someone who could be like you, always there when I needed you, I'm absolutely sure I would never have to live another day in sadness. Yes. You might say I always wear a smile each time I look at you. However, pure and true as it may be, I want to be able to smile just like any other guy out there, who's helplessly in love. Don't worry, I'm sure your day would come as soon as mine does, for I have heard, and seen for myself, that the soul is linked to one's reflection.

PS If you could help me to become happier, please do. I wish to spread it, for a simple, pure smile, is extremely contagious.

With lots of love,Happy New Year.

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Another tough one. This year, I attended many activities, each with many people, and all of them, changed my life.

I don't know who to start with, so instead, I shall write one to the 2010 YEP team. Being a simple person, I'll just make something general so there shall be no secrets about anyone(as if there were any to hide).

Honestly, I don't know everyone very well. All of us do know a lot about each other, though to me, nothing beats all that without having gone through something with everyone. We all had.

You guys taught me new things in life, many of which are things I did not know were unnecessary. I'm the kind of person who likes to be there for everyone, and where I can't help, I'll be at my worst. Through photography, I have achieved it, though there were times I was tired and wanted a break, but, you guys always come first.

I liked to travel, so much it did not occur to me that I was able to take initiatives to gather like-minded friends to do go on morning walks with me! Even now, I'm planning for a short trip within the island.

The company with everyone, was a great escape from the stress of studying. There was lots more to just the simple stuff we did over there, since there was the administrative work, and the foundation laying for us to do what we went there to do. Lots of effort put in, many times the reward we harvested, though the fruits of our labour was shared with not just us, but the people as well.

Though the place did not change much within the year, travelling with everyone, has shown me that the place might be the same, but the environment does change. No matter where you go, each time you went back to the same place, you can be assured of a different experience, better or worse. That's what makes me like travelling so much. To like the place is one thing, but to embrace what the place has in store, is another.

I guess, as much as I would like to travel, I should do it on my own, or with a group of friends. There's only so much the school can do for the students. Shortly after our return, I registered for another YEP, but decided to withdraw as a student leader, simply due to the fact that I wanted someone else to feel the great joy we all felt during our journey. I wanted to pass a stack of paper and a pen to someone, so that he or she, could write a new chapter into his or her life.

It's more than a year since we all met for the first time, but I'm glad, and amazed, we are still closely knit together as great friends, and I'm sure, we will always stay that way.

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Surprisingly, I had a few in mind on who to write to, but, I did not know their names! Initially, 10 faces came right after I saw the topic. Some of them, I knew their faces, but did not know their names. Some I knew their faces and names, but did not know if I had correctly matched the names to the faces. Only one, I could remember, just in time for me to write a proper letter to.

Hey, I met you just yesterday(maybe even a few times before, just that I had forgotten), together with Andy and Zhong Rong. It was one of the rare days I had dinner with them, and thanks to them for allowing us to have a nice chat yesterday, to find out more about the changes taking place in school, 3 years on.

We learnt a lot about what our future would be like, through the chat we had yesterday. Many things I found out that were similar or different between the different groups. Guess the two main UGs are having a cold war again, though I doubt there's anything to be worried about, as there's bound to be a turning point where everyone would come together to stage something impressive just as the first camp fire was, years back.

I never expected you to be a nice person who's easy to talk to. Just ask them. It's really that difficult to get someone like me to put my shell aside. You have that level of maturity in you, which somehow makes me all the more interested in what you shared with us about your training. It sure has benefited you lots, and made you a better individual.

Though I'm not sure if I'll be able to have a meal or something similar with you guys again, I sure had a great evening with you all, celebrating boxing day!

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

I can't remember who I made a pinky promise to, but I am sure I have promised many people many things. I can't even remember who was the last person I made a promise to, though I know the last 20 or so promises I made.

I have promised many things to many friends and people, but so far I have broken quite a few, but it's less than a thousand, for sure. Sadly, most of the promises I broke, were the ones that carried really bad consequences.

Since I can't write a letter to the last person I made a pinky promise to, I shall write a letter to the first person I would make an extremely important promise to. To whoever you may be, I promise to make my first promise, a promise that I will promise to care for you eternally, to promise that even while I'm physically or mentally absent from your presence, I will be there with you, to give you strength from afar, to promise that you will never walk to the finish line alone.

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

This Christmas might be the best I ever had, but then again, I wonder, how many have suffered prior to this special day, we celebrate on the 25th of the last month. It's written with three in mind, but maybe I should not mention any names, so that I could reach out to even more friends.

Hi, I heard that you have felt like giving up. Well, it just isn't the worst of all the problems you have been through. What might be the obstacle that's preventing you from moving on? Work, stress, someone else, or yourself?

Sometimes, if the matter's too great for you to handle, you might want to ask for help, unless there isn't anyone who is able to. It stressing you out? Just take a break. Perhaps, you might have pushed yourself so far beyond your limits, your biological gauges are screaming their lungs out so badly they need some rest. Even machines need a break too. Whenever in doubt, ask. Unless it's something silly like "Do I have to write my name in the box that needs me to do so?", questions never hurt, especially if they're meant for something that requires no mistakes. However, do note that people usually don't entertain the same questions that were asked more than twice. Though I don't really ask questions that often in school, the workplace sure has taught me that asking is almost always the best way out of a deadlock. It's akin to a list of cheat codes to doing well in a job(especially where it's a blue collar job).

Interpersonal skills. Between two or more individuals, communication is vital. Well, it boils down to how you talk to them, the level of respect they need, and how you treat them. A person who's hard to please is like a fish on a fishing line. Sometimes you just got to loosen a little, sometimes you might have that chance to reel in the line. Done well, the other party wouldn't even realise it, and you would be on your way to being on excellent terms with him or her!

Health, own expectations, and commitments. I can't really help you in these areas, except to offer a listening ear, and just see how I could help. I can't really promise you I would be there 24/7 for you, but if I had the time, I am willing to be there for you. You might have gone through a lot, but who knows, maybe someone else has been going through the same situation as you, or maybe worse. So, you can be sure that no matter how bad your situation or problem may be, there would definitely be someone out there who has had an experience worse than you.

All in, no matter how bad your times may be, just know. You have a friend who trusts you, and believes in you. All you got to do now, is belief in yourself, and give it the extra push to make things happen, to turn the tables around. You can do it!

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

If a person like you ever existed, could you tell me how you became like that?

Hi! You may not know me, but I think I might know you. Sometimes, I even dream of being similar to you. Diligent,quick-thinking, humorous and many more. Well, those are just some of the things I'm kind of lacking.

I just hope I could be like you, so that I could become less imperfect to the world, since looks can't be changed freely by the mind alone. I could gain lots of wealth with a personality like yours, maybe fame too. I could do many things, help many more friends, do what I want even!

But then, again, who am I to just become like you overnight, when you obviously took on many challenges that stood in your way, while myself, together with the world, stood at the side, watching you make your way to your peak. You might have all that, but then again, if I were you, I might not enjoy what you were doing. We both have different expectations and beliefs. Similarly, you may not like what I am to begin with too. In the end, we'll be back to being our own, usual selves, living your own lives, walking your own journeys, carving out our own, precious memories.

That being said, just as much as I want to be you, I just wish for the chance to gain some of your ways, so that I too, could become a better individual, who is able to do much more than I currently can.

Thank you!

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Childhood. It's really long, yet I'm amazed I can vaguely remember facets of that past.

We took the same school bus, we played tag with the same group of friends, however, among us, I guess I was the worst off. I never really knew you very well until my second term of school 12 years ago. Back then, we were still small, extremely mischievous and fun-loving. Anything could become our topic of the afternoon or evening.

It was only when we were both 11, that we finally got to be in the same class. Shortly before that, fate had it that I should excel in my Mathematics when I was 10. That paper was the first since my first Semesteral Examination in Primary 1, where I could answer every question like a breeze, to the extent I looked in disbelief that I could solve a few 4 or 5-mark questions in just one, simple step.

When we were 8, we did something terrible yet weird, that was started and ended, by the same kid. Our early June holiday gift from him? A visit to the Principal's Office for an activity we took part in, but actions we were the victims of. Speak of not telling lies, when clearly, as kids, we had to tell them, for the opposite was more likely to be the real lie in their eyes. I remember there was once you said I got called to the Principal's Office with you, as we were throwing paper aeroplanes out the classroom window. Though I can't really remember it, maybe I did help you with a plane or two?

Well, after we graduated from Primary School, shortly after you came to my home for a barbecue. Can't really remember why, but that was how it was back then. Simple, yet enjoyable for all of us that evening. Ever since, we had been travelling on different routes, but the occasional plans of a girl and a few others who loved the occasional reunion of our P5/6 class, would bring our paths back together for a brief moment. Within those brief moments, we were able to catch up on the times, sometimes not noticing we had lost touch with one another until it was time for us to continue where we left off in our respective lives.

However, one thing's for sure, you still have your great sense of humour, and myself, I'm still kind of quiet in nature. And, our areas of study compliment each other, though we might not be working for the same company in future.

So much has passed, and it's simply wonderful to know that, I have at least one friend who's been there, walking with me since I was a kid, who had to climb onto a stool just to turn on the lights in a room. For everything we did right or wrong, but in the end the fun made it worth our while, I thank you.

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

First got to know you and many other awesome people to come during the first then TDP activity. Got along quite well, you taught me many things, some of which I later passed on to other friends.

Three years sure pass fast, and very soon we'll be collecting our certificates. We did many activities together, especially under NYAA. Wonder what happened to the scheme the small group of us came up with. Seemed like everyone became overly busy and caught up with other stuff and studies that it's become silent. Perhaps we'll continue once we graduate?

Hope you're coping well with your final semester, since the final sprint is usually the toughest. After that, we'll pass the finish line, collect our prize, and enjoy.

Haven't got much to say, though there's something I plan to do after completing poly, while waiting to enlist. You, Samuel, me, and maybe a few others, go on a photography outing to some parts of the island?

All the best!

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Right from the moment I breathed my first breadth, I have never hated anyone. Maybe, just the feeling of dislike, for awhile.

To be frank, I used to think that only such people existed only in the fictional world, in books and on screen. Never expected to meet someone like you in the world we live in though. Although I wasn't in favour of the ways things were to be done under your leadership, you have shown me how I could cope under such pressure. Thank you for that.

Under your wing, I seem to have come to realise, studying had never been easier. Which is the reason why, into my final semester of study, I'm even more determined to score straight As, for a better future. No idea whether or not we'll see each other again, but trust me, I'll be more prepared to take on whatever you may throw in our way, if there were a next time.

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Though I'm trying to fulfill the challenge, I want to make an effort to make every letter worth something , at least to whoever they're meant for.

Hi, hope the letter I'm typing to you would not seem awkward or anything, since we haven't been talking to each other that often to begin with.

We weren't really that close to begin with. I occasionally talked to you, as I felt you were easy to talk to, without feeling tense and all. I never expected to become that close while we were hosting friends who were here on a visit back in February. Was nice getting to know you better during the few occasions we happened to be together, though I did not say so much about myself.

Anyways, I'll be looking forward to meeting everyone again in the extremely near future, and catch up with everyone as well. All the best to your coming tests(if you still have any)!

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Two years later, three of you went on to serve the nation, while I'm still living the life of a student. It's just a matter of time before I join you guys on the field.

Thadd, I wonder where you are now, and how you're doing. Among the 4 of us, you were like a guy with great strength, a friend I looked upon for reassurance you would be there to help us whenever we had difficulty completing our tasks during PE during our 1 month's stay at MI.

Didn't get the chance to say congratulations on being attached to Shi Hui. Only found out recently. How are you getting along? Great? I could only imagine you as a body builder, always striving to make yourself stronger than ever.

If there's the chance, I do hope we could meet up soon, even a simple tea session with you guys is good enough.

Haven't heard much from Limther as well, though he sounds the same as before. Hope he's as well as ever. Sean, well, I guess he's still the same, maybe better than before, just that I never really noticed?

Let's see if we could meet for once, before next year, hopefully? Looking forward to seeing you guys!

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

I'm currently 3 days behind schedule due to assignments and tests, but I'm aiming at returning back on track before the next weekend arrives.

Hi!It's almost two years since I first met you. It was meant to be a break from the December common tests, doubled with something to treat myself with on Christmas night back in 2008. At around 2.30pm on boxing day, you asked me to join your training party. That's about how our friendship took off.

You introduced me to not one, nor two, but three friends, who I would cherish, whether or not we would even have the chance to see each other face to face. There's something about this friendship that makes it so special. At the beginning, we were able to talk about almost anything under the sun. Music, arts, math and many more. I seldom have such long conversations with friends, and so often too. It used to be fun conversing with you, almost every night back then. You helped relieve me of my stress, and handed the job to another friend, of whom I eventually came to develop some feelings for. Befriending you, was like a never-ending roller coaster ride. A moment of thrill was never enough. A pleasant surprise,good or bad, was always waiting at every turn. Until recently, I never knew you had a thing for photography. Wondered how long you had been into it, maybe even longer than me. Perhaps one day, we could exchange photographs and pointers online?

We've been going through a lot. If there's one thing I really wanted to do right now, it would be to resolve whatever issues and doubts between us, and continue walking together, enjoying and taking in whatever comes our way. We do not know each other personally, but I do know there's a possibility in strengthening the friendship between us. With that, till I see your names signing in again, I'll be missing everyone.

Day 6 — A stranger

Hi! Just wanted to ask, what makes a stranger? I don't know you, you don't know me. Somehow, I don't know how, we're friends online. Was it this year, or last year? Well, though we were probably taught by the same teachers, but in different buildings, on the same parcel of land, somehow, we're strangers. Till now, I still don't know how it came about. Alright, this is probably going to be the shortest letter I have ever written,but anyways, maybe since we have exchanged words a couple of times, it wouldn't be that awkward for me to write this to you(for fun), though I had a hard time finding someone in my friend list to write to.

Hope you don't mind this being short, since the length is more or less, pretty much an idea of how much I know about you.I wouldn't mind getting to know you a little better, though.

Day 5 — Your Dreams

It's supposed to have been posted way back, but I'm only posting it now, since I have the time for it. Hopefully, I'll be able to be back on track before the end of next week.

Hi, you have been giving me random forecasts of my future. Each night, you either send me on a fairytale, you make me go through something I fear, or hate, or simply prepare me for a situation before I go through it in the real world. I never knew how you gave me such a gift. Could it be caused on that evening in November when I was just 7, when I fell off the steps of the school bus as it made a right turn into the HDB estate I used to live till 11 years ago, crashing onto the door, being knocked cold for between five and 10 seconds, like how almost every superhero out there gained their powers from unwanted accidents that fatefully happened at the right times?

Many times you point out what I should look out for, and be prepared for it. Twice so far, you pin-pointed almost exactly how I would end up meeting two different friends. Twice, you have showed me their looks, personalities and voices even before I would come to know them. Maybe there have been more cases, but I could only remember these 2 so vividly. Recently, you made me see myself taking the life of a kid, with a blade, and eventually running in the cold night like a fugitive, from Hougang to Ang Mo Kio by bus, barely evading the authorities who were hot on my tail, barely two hours after the moment of folly, by transferring onto another bus bound for Woodlands. I really do hope that doesn't come true, for somehow, the images you show me, would somehow, unfold before me, one way or another.

Earlier this year, you told me I would not be going on a trip I had wanted to go since I was in my second year of study. However, it was a blessing in disguise, one that I would have least expected.

Oh yes, there's another. I don't know whether it's just me being overly dreamy just before I board that flight for dreamland each time, or you're telling me a story of how I would eventually meet the person of my dreams. It's like a drama serial, except that the episodes do not run in order. A series that has more than 30 episodes and counting with almost each passing night ever since I don't know when. Of course, I do hope such dreams come true, for so far, I am positively sure I have experienced 3 or 4 of the dreams recently. If you could provide, I would like to know how I could pop the questions at the right moments.

You know, without you being there, I might have lost my life much earlier. It feels as though I'm living on borrowed time.So far, if I could continue living after each death, I could have traveled to heaven and back 3 times! However, I have only 1 life to live. I hope that, when you read this through my very eyes, you would still stay by my side, guiding me through. You have been a great friend to me, and I wish to let you see how the images you show me, unfold in my life, with me at the control, doing it right.

Day 2 — Your Crush

It's only the second day, and I am already having difficulty carrying on. Since I wanted to start on this, I shall see it to the end.Still, I wonder, what if I end up writing to the same person more than once, throughout the 30 days?

Hi! I highly doubt you would know it's for you(for now, as I got a feeling, you might eventually find out one way or another), though I don't know if you'll ever chance upon this. Anyway, you're the first(and hopefully the last), of whom I have had, sadly, forgotten the exact time I saw you(or at least met you) the first time(too bad we never met in a classroom).

We seldom exchange words when we see each other, yet somehow, I feel very opened to your feelings almost as soon as we take off on short flights of conversations. You are probably the first who finds me funny at times(even though I feel it's just me being me). You have, in one way or another motivated me even without you yourself knowing it, but above it all, a simple thank you wouldn't be enough to satisfy everything.

Well, I count it a blessing to see how our paths crossed, to have at least have felt something, than not to have felt anything at all, although I have never experienced how an act would be reciprocated.