2011

2010 went by so fast. Many things happened, but it just felt like a month. It's like running a marathon. Just moments ago, you were striding effortlessly past the start line. Minutes, and hours into the race, you gradually find yourself losing strength and stamina, however the momentum to go on just gets stronger. By the time you notice the finish line in sight, you're in great pain, feeling as though your legs could detach from your body and fall off anytime. However, it's the will to finish, that provides the force, the last bit of energy in you, to complete it. Completing a year, is just like running a marathon. 365 days, 366 once every 4 years, Your age simply depicts the number of marathons you have completed.

In the past year, studies was more on the downside, while everything else, was way up. On Tuesday, January 5th last year, I received my driving licence. Ever since, I had been driving at least once a week on average.

In the past 2 years, it seemed that going to the Philippines was like an annual activity, though each time it was a totally different experience. Saw for myself how environments change faster than people. I went on an adventure race with a friend, for the fun of it, back in June. During the term break, an unexpected meeting took place, which led to a reconciliation with a few long lost friends. Wondering how they're doing.

In June, I took part in an adventure race with a friend in somewhere in May or June, which helped prepare me for a marathon later at the end of the year.

Shortly after in July, I was the official photographer of Speechcraft 2010, a speech contest for Ngee Ann Polytechnic students jointly organised by the School of Interdisciplinary Studies, and the Ngee Ann Polytechnic Students' Toastmasters Club.

I attended a Gawad Kalinga Summit in school and at the National University of Singapore, a Philipine Non Government Organisation which aims to send world poverty to the history books by 2015. Learnt many differences in the ways their culture hosted such large scale events.

Later on, I became a volunteer while being an event photographer for a friend and Youth Expedition Project Delegation Head. Operation Juvi as it was called, an event started by a second year student from the School of Life Sciences and Chemical Technology. It's the first time I was involved in something by the United Nations. Hopefully, I'll be able to return to help if they held it again this year! A day later, I went to Liang Court for an Italian dinner with my cousins, uncle and aunt, who were going to take me for the 2010 New Paper Big Walk, which would be held the following day. That was the first time I stepped into the first floor of the Marina Bay Sands.

Then came the Youth Olympic Games in August. Nothing much actually, though it was an experience to learn night photography featuring fireworks, and putting what I learnt to use just 30 minutes after grasping the basics! Not a very fruitful evening for me, but I did get a couple of good shots.

In September, I had my examinations clash with the Saceda Youth Lead International Programme in Asia 2010, which made it a real challenge for me to prioritise my time. I wanted the best of both worlds, and to make things worse, that was the toughest semester in my three years of Polytechnic Education. The result wasn't in my favour, though I already knew the direction I was headed for. After my exams, I took on my first job with a few classmates and schoolmates, taking stocks and repacking for delivery to two locations during the Formula 1 Weekend, though my main role was a sales associate at a booth. Not my cup of tea definitely, but it sure helped me gain some confidence, and my skin became a few centimetres thicker after that.

September till November were the toughest months in 2010. Long story short, I was juggling between many things, which made it hard for me to stay focused most of the time. October and November were spent mainly on finishing up on a project, and preparing for a big run in December.

December, well, it was one of the happiest, and most happening months, with lots of gatherings, outings, projects, presentations, examinations and events. A marathon on Sunday, 5th December, which was successful thanks to a friend who guided me along(though there were times I got so fearful of him, I wanted to fall so far behind he would give up on me). A day later I had my final presentation, which was the best group presentation we had since the first one. Two weeks later, I had my examinations. Three papers, with 2 expected A grades, and a B or C grade for the third. Results out in the coming week. The last two weeks of December, was well, filled with partying, and hanging out with friends I had not met in a long time. I went for a medical check-up on the 21st, a Wednesday. Found out I had a heart problem, which was very unexpected since I never had anything wrong with my heart. Well, went to get a second opinion on Wednesday, but found nothing wrong. So, I guess it should be fine, for now, until another review scheduled by the government is done on the 4th of April.

2010 seemed rather simple to me, as there were less than 20 big events I took part in, though I'm sure I attended more than 40 events and celebrations in all. 2011, is definitely going to be a better year. I have no regrets to how 2010 ended, but I would work towards my goals in 2011. Some are, well, nearly impossible(since they depend on fate, not on my part alone), but others, are achievable if I work towards them.

The Tiger's Turn

Happy Chinese New Year to all.

Three days of pre-exam break has ended, providing a clear mind for the last 4 papers, the first in two days. Making this short, for each year it's more or less the same(minus the different things that happen each year, good or bad).

First Day, a visit to the temples, movie at Lido followed by dinner at Revenue house, and ending off with the first two visits of the year with cousins. Caught Percy Jackson ad the Lightning Thief at Lido at 4.30pm. It was a great movie from start till the climax, afterwhich the thrill just died off with the producers trying to rush the ending of the film in the last 30 minutes. The whole film lasted for more than 2 hours, inclusive of air time for the ads. Went for a Japanese dinner after that, ending off with a visit to my grandmother's and uncle's homes, just like last year.

Second day, I fell very ill, but managed to recover in 5 hours. 4am I woke feeling extremely weak, shivering violently, my throat sore, running a high fever. First thought, damn the timing. Somehow managed to fall asleep again, waking 2 hours later at 6am. Before that, was having a weird dream, of how I was having a photography class with some of the people I knew, at the now-gone block 73 lecture threatre. It ended off when I started worrying about forgeting to complete and submit my photographs on the last lesson. If not for the air conditioner which made me shiver so badly, I was going to have a really bad panic attack that morning. 3 hours later, I woke again, but it fet as though I was dreaming all night long. I had no fever, the air conditioner was running, but as usual, I wouldn't feel cold(the temperature was alway set at 25degrees), I could walk normally around the room. It felt like a dream, until I drank a glass of water. Sore throat. At least it was better than fever, and being unable to walk around, eat, drink or do anything for the rest of the festive season. Went to the market to getsome drinks with my father before heading home. Cousins from my father's side came over for lunch, and stayed till 4, before we went over to my cousins' place for dinner, before continuing on to visit another cousin's home.

The third day. We did not really go anywhere yesterday, for friends and relatives came to visit. The only day I really had some time for some revision.

Something new this year, I was doing the driving most of the time on the second and third day. On the first day, I drove with my uncle to the Revenue House, and on to my Grandmother's home after dinner. On the second day, I drove to the market and back, and later on in the afternoon, I went on my first drive with my cousin, my first time driving with someone who was also a probational driver(for it meant less stress for both drivers when it came to driving from point A to B in terms of travel time). On the third day, I drove my parents do dinner and back.

Today's the fourth day, and it was also time I started studying for the examinations again. Just 8 more days and I'll no longer be at level 2. This year is definitely going to be better than last year!

So much for thinking random thoughts. Whatever comes to my mind, comes alive in daily events, sooner or later. Lately, I have been able to 'see' things from a different perspective, that I doubt most would not be able to. Give me a movie scene, and I could imagine the cameraman filming the moment and the director directing the actors in their actions and lines while looking at the product of the efort they put in fr the particular scene. Give me a photograph, and I could imagine what happened shortly before and after the photograph was taken(I have never been told if those events have really happened, so I can't be sure if the images I imagined are 100% authentic). I can't wait for June.

January's Brush

The closing week of each month usually carry the most memorable moments. First long distance run of 15km in 2010,running the longest project marathon, completing 2 interviews that were running consecutively at 2 different locations, and ending off with a short reunion with camp mates.

The second year, is where relatively short timeframes for projects to be completed are implemented, either you're revising yur stuff, or you would be rushing to complete the last paragraph of a section in the report so that you could continue on the next section, and in turn complete and submit the project in time.

The last weekday of January, was a rather agonising day, where I noticed seconds lasting nearly as long as hours, and hours as long as a day. I had barely completed the final touches to our project, which was due for presentation that afternoon. In addition to the presentation, I was due for an important intervew, in which I was playing for extremely high stakes, with the probability of making it through being 11/20. Who wouldn't want to be part of a 2-week, heavily subsidised trip to another continent at the other side of the world? It's great thinking about the reward waiting on the other side of the pasture, but the path leading to it, is filled with countless mines and traps, threatening to stop me at my first step.

Fast forward to 3.50pm on Friday, I was about to get ready for a presentation, when a call arrived. It was my turn for the interview, when I was just about to get ready for the presentation. My mind, was filled with nothing but a white void. The walk to the Student Services Office seemed like an hour, when it took only 5 minutes. I felt as thouh I lost my voice upon arriving. 5 minutes later, I was invited into the room. For once, I felt traces of my voice return, only to realise that, I was unable to think clearly on my feet, which caused much panic. On the inside, I was calm, but on the outside, I was contanly tiking of what I should add on to my statement to make it better. Constant clashes led to a breakdown, and I simply paused. 5 seconds, 10 seconds, and I said a sentence or two to complete what I wanted to say.

In just 2 minutes(maybe more), I was touching the cold, metal handle of the doors which would return me to the comfort of my friends. I did not turn back, but kept moving forward. The same, cold, dark feeling which I felt inside me on my first driving test after commiting my first immediate failure mistake, returned once again, this time bringing with it double the agony. In your local drama, staying in the 'cell' for less than 5 minutes is akin to receiving the death sentence. For me, it meant brushing wih death and returning to life. It's just an experience like no other. If it wasn't my time yet, I would be receiving that golden ticket to board that plane. I have made the choice within those 2 minutes, to prove myself. It's now up to fate, to decide which path I should take at the crossroads in June. With no regrets, I shall now leave it aside for the timebeing, lest the ticket really did manage to find its way to me.

Back in the classroom, Yingfeng was concluding the presentation. There were only a couple of mistakes, but overall, he did really well.

Had a great evening letting the pain go with Cardus, Jaemeng and Jorge at Dhoby Ghaut that evening. If not for them, I might still be lying in bed, penning down every little regret I had, right after I left the room. After a great night(withut drinks, of course), I felt as though nothing had happened.

Just yesterday, went on a 6km run with Hongpeng at East Coast, revisiting part of the 42km route I ran back in December. I completd the run at my average time of 35minutes. Went home, slept the afternoon away, and drove my third return journey to dinner via expressway.

Today went pretty well, with lots of stuff being settled. Reached home, went for a short 4km run, with a feeling I had never felt before. With every step, I felt as though I was gliding on air. Never fel so great before. Wondering whether it was the reduced weight of my stomach(had my dinner only after the run), or it was the run I had the previous day which provided the boost. Completed the run in 22minutes.

Lately, I had been dreaming of stuff, which could happen on the same day I had the dream(which could freak me out at times), and thinking of random people at random times, and seeing them appear in front of me just a couple of seconds later.

Tomorrow, it's time to return to the books and projects.

"Journey" To The Past And Back

In the past week, my mind and subconscious travelled back in time. On Monday, I dreamt of me being 14 again, going to a polytechinic which looked like a secondary school.

During the rest of the week, my dreams were somehow filled with images of the past, showing what the future would be like if I made the choice to take a different route at each junction back in those days. My waking life over the week was miserable, filled with nothing more than sheer regret. It's the same thoughts of "Why didn't I have the courage to make the move back then? Why didn't I sign up for it? If only I hadn't done this, if only I had done that."

Wednesday, I had a dream, as a result of too much video games. Found myself in a boss fight with 2 other characters. One girl, and a knight. The knight refused to accept me for some reason, which I forgot what it was after I woke. The fight took place at a small village, defeated the boss, and moved on to a cave, where we fought off monsters. Somehow, we ended up at school, and fr some reason, we made our way to the SDAR office. There, for some reason, the knight finally accepted me, and things started happening at a fast rate. A girl(not the one I started out with), rushed to me, passing me a small, A5 sized ring binded booklet, its cover made of recycled paper. Along its left side, was 2 words spelled in capital, and 4 digits, in olive green colour. On the right, were 4 photographs, presumably from a tour. She said that she was there to pass me the booklet on behalf of a Dr. __________ (it's an Indian name). On it was a note, which was a message written to her asking to pass the booklet to me, his name was at the bottom of the note. I fell into a daze as I saw the cover page and flipped the booklet open. I woke after that. That evening, I wrote a message, which might not mean anything to the recipient, but it helped me let go.

On Friday, I went to Pizza Hut with the peeps from N4. On the way back, I 'saw' the girl who passed me the booklet in the dream I had on Wednesday. She asked for directions to the school, and ran off. So, in the dream, she passed me a booklet, while in person, she asked for directions. Weird.

In the evening, went to Kismis field for the ME fun day. The tug of war lasted 5 seconds, with us petite friends, losing to a bunch of muscular students. It wasn't demoralising at all, in fact, our bonds got stronger. Then came the relay. It was funny to meet the same opponents, but it was funnier to see how we reacted to one another's ways of completing his leg of the relay. Rushed off to meet Zheng Yan and Zihao for the barbeque at Toa Payoh.

We took 157, and arrived at 7. Someone said Ryan would be late, but she never mentioned which one. As a result, both were. Nearly the whole class was there that night, and it was a night worth remembering, although there was no stayover due to a low response. Went for supper at King Albert Park with Zheng Yan, Ryan Ng, Jing Hui, Chiahua and Gekshan. At 12.45am, Jing Hui and Ryan Ng accompanied back home for the night, after we saw Chiahua, Gekshan and Zhengyan off halfway during the journey.

In the morning, they left, and I headed off for Lakeside at 10.15am. I reached at 10.35, and met up with Zhong Rong and Zijie(Yes! I finally met him in person!). Zhong Rong gave mr Liew a call, which gave us the reassurance that we could crash the secondary 1 CCA Open House without any complications. Went on a tour, and noticed the changes in the school(not physical changes though). At 12, went to Jurong Point for lunch with Andy, Zhong Rong, Zijie and the juniors. Had a nice time getting to know them a little over lunch. 1pm, we went to take a group photo. Before that, a few more joined in. A strong sense of Deja Vu. Many thoughts ran through my mind at the time, and that, prompted me to tell someone something later that day. Whatever the dream was, don't think it would be appropriate to describe it here nor what I felt due to sensitive issues(leave me a message if you are serious about it).

Took the train home after taking the bus back. Finally, I could catch up on my sleep. That night, was probably the best night I had that week. Regrets that I had back in old school that I kept close to me, I finally let go that dreamless night.

Sunday, I had my first driving experience on the expressway. It was no different than driving on the road, except that with low mental stamina, I found it hard to concentrate, to maintain the vehicle's course within the lane, for it was always moving toward the right. Even as I kept to a speed of 60km/h which made things easy for me, I found myself starting to become mentally tired 15 minutes into the drive on the way home. It's better to be physically tired, than mentally tired, for the consciousness of an average person is way stronger than the physical strength of the strongest person alive.

So many things happened in a week, I found myself 'travelling' to the past and back, through gatherings and re-visits. On Monday, I opened my eyes to a whole new future. I am starting to let go of the past regrets which have, and will continue to prevent me from doing some things in the future. Only by letting go, would one find more roads to choose from. Looking forward with no regrets, is better than looking back and wondering if the choice made was the right one.

A Whole New Beginning, Almost

To many, 2010 is a whole new beginning. For some, it's just a continuation of 2009(2010 is just another number on the calendar). For a few, it's a transition to the future.

2010 is the equivalent of adding one to 2009. one is the equivalent of 365. The past 365 days is the equivalent of countless happenings and memories, good or bad.

This week concludes and seals up half of the things I had been doing over the past 3 months. Learning, not mastering a skill that is useful for life, and something which could be the beginning of my 'comeback'. Over the week, it was just resettling to the school environment after a long break, results of my performance in the previous year and making plans for the next 356 days.

Monday I received the FM and SOM papers. My first 2 As for the term. It was already expected, for I answered the questions in a manner it would seem almost as though one was looking at the answer guide.

Tuesday, I went on a Re-test for my driving. I did pretty well for the warm-up, except my chaning of lanes was a bit of a problem that morning(somehow the error that I did 2 months back had returned). I expected to pass the test with a total of 10 demerit points, but was awarded with 18points. Not bad, with an improvement of 8 less points and no immediate failures compared to the first attempt which had a report which was 2 pages long(good thing no staples were found on the report), with 26 points and an immediate fail.

Wednesday, was a warm-up to Thursday and Friday.

Thursday, received my Calculus paper. Did slightly better than expected, but I'll be pushing for a jump of 3 to 4 grades if possible, in the finals.

Today, I lost my mood to study for a moment when my ED was a mark short of an A. I lost marks for calculation errors, and a missing line in 2 answers. Well, will just have to complete all outstanding tutorials and assignments hoping that should something similar happen, I might just be able to pull it off.

Next week, more stuff would unfold.

The night before, I had a dream of something similar to number 9, except that it was a different face. Before that night, I had others as well, except they're more complicated to explain in the fom of a short story. It's weird. Why am I seeing faces that I have never seen in person? What were they suppossed to mean? It's been happening ever since I had number 6. Could it mean...

Passed on 18

9.10am. An officer in shades (who looked like one of the 'government officials' from the previous camp I had last year) was assigned to me. I felt I did perfectly fine within the circuit(it seemed as though we had spent less than 10 minutes in there) until the second last turn before turning at 50. I was slow in returning the wheel(as always), and jammed the brakes in time to prevent a collision with the car in front. We went out, I nearly took a wrong turn, it went fine for the next 2 minus after turning left on Route 5. I made the same mistake I always made on the stretch of road, dealing me 4 points. I made a similar mistake to something I did on the first attempt, though it was less serious, dealing me yet another 4 points. He cut my route short, and we headed straight back after the passing he MRT station.

955 hours on 5 January 2010. Without his shades, he looked different. First thing I did as he took out the test report: Points? 18. YEAH!!! Oh wait. Huh? 18? Why?
He sat down, spoke only six lines in a harsh tone before leaving the test report with me and left(it was the extremely short lecture that surprised me). During the duration of the test, I knew I had committed a total of three mistakes, not 5. Im total, I failed to confirm safety at the directional change(guess I checked the particular spot only once, while he wasn't looking), dealing me 4 points, changed lane abruptly once in the circuit and once on the road(in the circuit? When?), dealing me 8 points and finally, I veered off course at the U-turn, dealing me 4 points, for a grand total of 18 demerit points.

Spent the next 2 hours watching a video, taking photographs, making my license, getting the probation plates and closing my account. Rushed to school to complete and submit a project(which I did wrongly and was unable to make corrections due to the facilities being full booked for the day).

We Came, We Ran, We Conquered

Sunday, December 6. The first time I completed 42.195km in one shot. Wasn't that bad, though there were moments.

We woke at 3, and left 40minutes later. The lights weren't on, so I wasn't able to notice the colour of his bag. Took a cab down to the baggage deposit point at the War Memorial Park. Just after we were on our way, we were at the 37km mark of the race. It was kind of like a preview of what things would be like hour later. We were rather early, so we put our stuff down, deposited our bags, and he left his phone there in his bag. First thought. What's the best way to keep in contact should the worst case scenario occur(separation)?

The first 13km was breeze. We completed the first 10km in 47minutes! That's my new personal best. At 14km, I started to feel a minor symptom of heat exhaustion. I felt some numbness in my body. Immediately, I told him we had better stop at the next water point. We did, though that caused problems for him and myself later on. I took a mint to consume. It helped a great deal! Within minutes I was ready to go, but sadly, he started having cramps. 15km, the first runner was on his way out of East Coast Park. We were barely 100 meters into the park. That was the worst part of the run. The East Coast stretch covered 15kilometers alone,with lots of slopes, bends and turns. We started running again after that water point, but since he was pushing me on, I decided to just keep up with him. But, after we passed the 16km mark, it was his turn.

For us, the real challenge came prematurely. At the 22km mark, it was the start of the mental war. It was fine, until he felt really unwell at the 29km mark. Since there were 2 medics, 2 officials, and another 5 volunteers at the water point at Station 16. Dropped him off there, more than an hour after our walk. I continued running, and met a friend along the way, joined him for another 5 minutes, before carrying on the race against my own time. I was aiming to complete the run in under 6 hours, with the expected time to be between 4 hours 30 minutes and 6 hours.

Since my engines were rather cold after that long break, I started feeling pain in the chest after running 2km after the 30km mark. I stopped, walked a little, and carried on at the 35km mark.
This time, the stitch arrived. I walked another 2 kilometers, before I was back on form. The 37-kilometer mark. It was fine until after the 38km mark, when my left calf had a mild cramp that lasted for less than a second. It felt like a rubberband that hit me lightly. I started walking a little, before running again. Turning into the F1 Pit area, I started walking again as I felt the second warning sign of a cramp. This time, I felt two rubberbad-like hits on my left calf. Fearing the worst, I walked the next 2kilometers. Walking along the building, I had a sense of deja vu. Some time ago, I had a dream of being part of a tour group I was with, at some building where there were lots of shutters with numbers on top of them. One of the shutters was halfway down, similar to what I saw in the dream, along with some music. The atmosphere there was similar, minus the marathon event. I came back to the flier. It's the 41-kilometer mark! I made 2 calls, one to my dad, which happened to be diverted back home(and I found out my brother had just gotten his new bike), and one to my mum, who was already waiting at the finish line since an hour ago. Alright, the last 1.195, I'll give it a sprint. I saw the timer counting away, with the time being 6 hours, 50minutes and 15seconds. I increased my speed, completing the run in 6hours, 50minutes and 28seconds. Physicaly, I felt really bad after that, but mentally, it felt I was at some grand celebration.

Anyways, today was a really bad day. I had 3 near accidents owing to my slow reaction(I wanted very much to cancel the training, but as it was less than 48 hours prior to the training time when I logged into the system, I decided to just go ahead with it. $60 for a session. If they would refund me the cash on the spot, I wouldn't mind cancelling it), all similar to one another. Other vehicles were wanting to enter my lane, but I kept going at constant speed, not noticing them, forcing them to make dangerous moves that could cause a fatal accident. But it was a good experience, although it would be best I did not repeat it again.

School, was a nightmare, when we were informed last minute that part of our plans could not be approved owing to some communication breakdown. Today, my team and I found a class that had the exact opposite gender distribution of one of the classes in our course!

I just hope tomorrow could be a better day. And I still think, the guy who won himself a place in the finals, would be doing the country a great deed by giving it to the girl who was more deserving of the position, but was eliminated for the wrong reasons, though it proves that miracles do happen.

I had yet another weird dream the night before, but it's a little personal to be posted up here. One thing, if that could happen in real life, it would be a miracle.

24 as the 25th

I mistook today as yesterday. Must have been due to the fact that I was trying to plan out an essay, capped at 500 words for the application of a nearly all-expenses paid trip the night before. Till now, I haven't got that many ideas to write on, but hopeully tomorrow I could get some inspiration. Just need to come up with 2 more points to write about, and I'll be done typing it all out in 40 minutes. Maybe less.

Yesterday went for my driving lesson once again, but he did not seem surprised at me failing. In fact, I was surprised by him about the number of failers, and that I had won the first prize! How cool was that?

School was fine, just that we were there to settle some adminstrative matters, and we were off to do other stuff.

Lots of stuff happened today. In school, I fell asleep during the practical lesson, which was why I lost 7 marks in the quiz. At least the codes for the milling machine is easier to understand than the turning machine. The practical lessons for CAD and CAM never fails to give us lots of surprises. The tool change for the HAAS CNC milling machine is damn cool! Maybe I should start recording clips of how the machines work and post them online? Went to do the CAD assignment due tomorrow, and practice a little for the test, before rushing home.

This morning I had a dream, of which I could only remember the last part. My family ad e in a car travelling towards the city, but there was a jam as soon as we left the estate. At the first traffic light after turning out, there was a serious accident, where no one was hurt. The accident occupied the left and middle lane. There was a blue Honda City, a red car and a black Mitsubishi piled up on the left lane. An olive green SUV was on the middle lane, with its badly damaged bonnet sandwiched in between the red car and the black car.

The following paragraph is not suitable for the faint-hearted. Reader discretion is advised.

Yesterday, I had an extremely weird dream. I was on board an MRT train of the future that was heading toward City Hall from Boon Lay, with my family, some friends and 5 others of whom I do not know.I alighted at Jurong East, leaving everyone behind, and boarded the train at the middle platform. As usual, I walked toward the first car, from the second. There were 2 sets surgical curtains, each at one side of the car, stretching from the first door to the emergency exit. There were 3 nurses, and 2 doctors manning the corner? I went up to them, and soon, I was thrown into a weird place with a doctor. The surroundings were white(and I couldn't see any walls). There he told me some stuff about AIDS and HIV, before showing me a bottle made of steel encased by a layer of plastic, that had 2 red openings on each side. I was told that inside the bottle, was samples of sperm?

A mixture of HIV infected and non-HIV infected samples. If one was not infected, a volunteer would do some stuff at the right end, and see if he would get infected with the virus. If a volunteer was infected with the virus, he would do the same thing at the left end, to increase the probability of a non-infected volunteer getting infected with the virus. I was thinking, after waking, why would someone be so silly as to gamble with his own life by doing something like that? A gamble with money is bad enough, so why is a gamble with life any better?

I don't belive something like that would ever come true, if at all.

CampTCP5 '09-Day 1(Let's Start Over, Shall We?)

Returned from a 3day 2 night camp from school on Sunday night, but since I was so tired, I decided to post it up today instead. This camp, was one I was looking forward to, yet nervous and afraid to attend due to various reasons(well, we'll see). This camp was one of 5 camps held and organised jointly by ROHEI(I still haven't got any idea what it stands for) and SDAR. Named the Leadership and Empowerment Camp, it was going to be a fabulously excellent camp, although the name stated otherwise.

Friday morning, I woke late, at 6.45, however, it seemed as though I was way too early when the doors to the Alumni Club House were locked! Before that, I saw two other campers(who would soon become my team mates if I'm not wrong) head for SIM. A guy, who I later came to know as Philip, found an oen door at 8, and together with 3 others, we went up to the function room on the second floor. We sat down, broke some ice and went back down to direct the others who might get stuck on the outside due to the locked front doors which could only be opened at 9.30. At 8.25, we went back up to find our teams, as by then, most of the 75 or so of us had already arrived.

As far as I knew, I had only one other camp mate(who I had never met) who was also my course mate. I was assigned to team 5. I went to the table right in front of me, and sat down silently. I sat down, and without taking a glance, I looked down. Less than a second later, a voice welcomed me to the team, and introduced himself. We introduced ourseles to each other, before I felt a little comfortable and took a quick glance around. Since I was loud on the inside and silent on the outside, I went into deep thought.

'No way! Are you sure? It can't be right?'

'Alright, I'll look somewhere else for 5 seconds, and after that, please tell me it was just me feeling sleepy.'

'Alright. So it was really true, or maybe not. You have seen, but you havent heard. So just sit back and relax.'

After a few more members arrived and sat down, we had a round of introduction. 'Ok, so it's more or less settled.' That, was the first camp I mentioned about myself being quiet. No idea why I said it, but inside, there was something, that said,'Don't waste it. This is the one where you will notice a great change in your life. Don't worry about anything else. Go with it.'

So, our team had a mentor, and 10 of us. Jorge, Jaemeng, Jalyn, Jessica, Rachel, Belinda, Faye, Angsiang, Lionel, Cardus, and I. We had our first game, and Rachel and I were picked by our first leader, Cardus. Oh my! It's only the first activity of the camp, and I'm already forced to open my mouth! It's just sooner or later, right? At first, I took a minute to prepare myself for the worst, before starting to let everything else fade away. Now, it's just the team, Rachel and I. I understood almost every single action they made, except for the one where Cardus pointed at his tag. 'What has his name got to do with the activity?' It was only after I saw the task that I finally knew what he meant.

So, the next activity. We had to come up with a team name, motto and a symbol. Afterward, we would put all that onto a cloak. In most camps, we would have flags and banners. However, in this one, we would be making a cloak. We came up with the team name which has an essence of irony. Shing-a-boomz! As for the motto and symbol, we derived those from the rad(ioactive) red rat. Live high, Play hard, I'mPossible. You'll see.

Camp's too boring? That might be the last time one would find the camp boring. After that, we had our first lunch together. The usual. Afterwhich, we began on the first session. Direct, Interactive, Supportive, Careful(DISC). That's a profiling based on our behaviours in a certain environment. Similar to the quizzes I take on facebook, I fall under the S category. That session, perhaps it was to accelerate the rate we got to know our team members while at the same time helping us to understand ourselves?

We went for a buffet dinner(it's nice), before going on to Session 2, Overcoming Adversities. This was one activity that I have never done in any camp before, since this activity carried a relatively high level of sensitivity and confidentiality. 'Ok, if it's your turn, share it with them. It will help you a great deal in your next 2 days. Trust me.' I did. To date, less than 15 others I know in this lifetime know about it. It was a great experience, to learn something about one another. Some teams had touching stories to share at the end, which gave lots of meaning to the Session we had that evening. There was also an interview with a cancer survivor, which was an excellent eye-opener! As long as we were alive, no adversity is too great for us to handle. I started to wonder how boring things would be, if I had attended the lectures and tutorials and head home only to enjoy my weekend in front of the computer screen.

M&M Session was the activity we had before closing off the day. Yes, you could say the M&M chocolates were involved as well, but it stands for Mentor and Mentee Session. I did not really share that much that night(which I felt was ok), although deep inside, I was dying to tell the world how great I felt on just the first day alone. I'm one who's loud and hyper on the inside, but lacked the courage to show it on the outside. Imagine a nuclear bomb exploding 10,000 feet underground.

Slept at the earliest time since school started, at 12am. 6am, I woke, and went back to sleep again. I remembered I dreamt about something, but I just could not recall what it was. Just before I woke, I 'saw' her again, for the ninth time. Why? Why was it that, the only thing I could remember is a short dream that lasts less than a minute, and it's always the same character? Was there some kind of meaning to it? Alright. It's been 9 times, and I might have found her. If it really is her, prove it to me. Today.

This morning, I had a dream, of which I could only remember one line."Look, at the rate you're going, you might fail the test." Once again, I laughed it off, though I kept thinking about how I was going to fail. 7.30, I woke, packed my stuff, got changed and went down to the driving centre for my test. I did pathetically badly for the warm-up, and even more so for the actual test. I went wide at 2 left turns, used the wrong gear twice and I even failed to slow down just before a turn! Best incident of the day? I nearly made a taxi kiss my ass! How great was that? Just what exactly was wrong with my form this morning? Those were the mistakes that I had never ever committed since I started my first driving lesson(except for the part on the usage of wrong gear). The verdict? With 28 demerit points(my new highscore) and 1 immediate failure, I failed the test, and won the right to drive with the red "L" plates in front of and behind the car for another 2 months. That's more than SGD2000 down the drain. Went home, had lunch, went back to school. At least things were slightly better, when we became the first team to receive our lecturer's stamp of approval for I&E. Good thing the stuff I learnt at the recent camp came in handy. It felt like a really bad heartbreak, but thanks to the quotes and stuff I learnt, I recovered in 2 hours. As long as I was up and breathing, no failure or adversity was too great to overcome.

I don't know what to say. It's been 9 times. Why can't we just let the 'sightings' end there? Alright, today's going to be the second day. If the 3rd carried an accuracy of 50%, I shall tell the guys in my team. But, if it carried an accuracy of 80%, I shall tell the whole team, and some other guys I'm close to.

Experience Drive-29

The last lesson before the actual test in 7 days. 10TH November 2009, 10.15am. Slightly less than a week to go. Today I did the circuit with nearly no mistakes at all during he first 30 minutes before we went out on the road. Stalled the vehicle once on the slope due to carelessness(crap). The car was shaking badly each time I moved off on the slope(different car again I guess?). Was attached to car 19 this morning. This car is able to accelerate and move off faster, though I had some problems with the clutch at times. On the road, I did relatively fine, except for 2 mistakes. I forgot to turn on the signal at the merging lanes and changed lanes at a traffic junction. The rest of that route went smoothly.

We went back for a mock test, starting with the road first. At the second turn into Bukit Batok Road, I forgot to check my blindspot. I made the same mistake later while making a right turn into the road beside Hong Kah North Community Club. I delayed traffic there as well while waiting to make the turn. In a hurry I drove off without checking. The rest of the route was fine, until we came to the traffic junction before the right turn. I went wide at the turn when I accelerated too much(as a result of changing to the second gear while turning at high speed). At the final turn, I delayed traffic once again, just to wait for a van that was travelling slowly to pass. It did not end there. Back in the circuit, I failed to give way to 2 motorcycles at the entrance after moving up from the slope. I did fine in the circuit, and this time, I did much better at the parallel parking. In all, I received a total of 14 demerit points.

Andy was waiting to enter the classroom to sit for his final theory test when I left for school. Although he did not pass on the first attempt, I'm sure he'll comeback with a vengence. Once bitten, 1/4 as shy. As usual, took a 20-minute nap on board 985 to Trellis Towers, before transferring to 154 back to school. Had a quick lunch and went for class.Before 2pm, I was at a total loss as to what we should do for I&E. We began sourcing, and finally found one. Have got to come up with a proposal fast. For now, we're safe, but there are still issues to overcome.

Would what I saw really come true this weekend?

Experience Drive-28

It might have been late, but I'm starting to show some improvment with the control of the car. I was able to do the parallel parking with some improvement and I took less time at it. The car, for a second time in a row, did not stall. Hope it all goes well, or even better during the final revision session tomorrow. That's going to be used as a gauge to see which areas I got to be careful with, especially since after tomorrow, I would not have any chances to do any more practices on the road until the warm-up session before the traffic police test. Shall do my best to break my current record of 2 consecutive sessions where I did not stall the car.

Today's really heavy, and tiring. The first part of the day was fine, and felt some satisfaction when I finally understood the first part of the second chapter of FM. When I first read throug it the day before, I could not understand a thing about it. FM practical was relaxing, though we were working against the clock to complete two practicals within 2 hours! After lunch came the tiring part. SOM tutorial was rather smooth, and I did not encounter much problems. I started to fall asleep during the lecture, especially after completing the questions assigned to us. Had many mistakes in the FM tutorial, but at least now I have been directed back onto the right track.

Tomorrow, would not be as heavy as today, but it will definitely be more stressful and tiring. I have received my camp letter for this Friday. As it turns out, I'll be missing the whole day of ED tutorial and lecture. Guess I'll have to contact him tomorrow or the day after to inform him.

Patience and hope really do pay off. After 2 weeks where I was unable to recall my dreams properly with details, last night, I was finally able to remember chunks of my dreams. This one's weird(doesn't really matter, since all my dreams are weird). I was part of a battalion waiting to ambush some troops who were marching toward us. We waited on the slopes of a hill while waiting for them to pass through the dried out river, before commencing our attack. The enemy? Not exactly sure who they were, but after some hours, a group of US soldiers entered and joined in the fight. Somehow, we were ordered to attack them as well. We continued on, only to find ourselves preparing for war once again. This time, we were defending ourselves against aliens?! I started running around, acting as a messenger to the survivors of the 2 other parties who were involved in the earlier battle, gathering their help. As for how it ended, I have no idea.

Experience Drive-27

Probably the last time I would be having my lesson on a weekend. That day, my skills totally sucked. Stalled the vehicle once on a slope, mounted the kerb twice during the directional change, striked down a pole while the parallel parking and I was slow in changing lanes on the road. Anyways, better to commit those fatal mistakes during a lesson and at a time where the traffic was relatively light, than during a test and on a road with heavy traffic.

Finally, this morning managed to recall small parts of a dream I had the night before. Better than the last week where I did not manage to remember a single dream. Did not do much other than some revision, slacking, and dinner out. There's nothing of interest to watch on television on weekends either. Tomorrow? Don't think anything bad could happen, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Tuesday. Should I book a games station for an hour from 6pm to 7pm for Wednesday? I'm tempted to try out the games before the meeting starts.

Experience Drive-25

We're coming close. That one lesson, we finalised that the one last problem I had in the circuit was the parallel parking. On the roads, as long as I paid attention to the traffic conditions and other vehicles, I would do fine. Stalled the vehicle once that day, while turning.

Today, as expected, was relaxed and easy-going. Covered couplings for ED, completed the tutorials, and completed the motor selection for the project. Guess I still have lots of catching up to do with the selection process and the stuff that I have got to take into consideration, other than just simply selecting the motor with the most suitable speed and power. Relatively short day, with lots of rain in the evening, enough to make me tired and sleepy.

Experience Drive-24

Saturday afternoon. Went through the whole test process. Warm up followed by the mock test. I committed lots of careless mistakes, such as mounting the kerb and striking the pole while doing the parallel parking. He took a short break efore we went for the evaluation. Scored a total of 12 points within the circuit, and I nearly failed the parallel parking segment. On the road, I took too long to turn twice, which cost me an additional 4 points. In all, I received 16 out of the maximum of 18 demerit points allowed. That was a close one. The final one in roughly less than a month's time, would cary much higher standards than that day. From that day on, it would be another 5 weekly revision sessions(except for one), before we come to the actual traffic police practical test.

This morning had a short reunion with Edward and Darren at Clementi. We took the shuttle bus to school, before carrying on toward our own venues for classes. CAD practical was, a challenge today, and I'm glad the lecturer received the email I sent him the night before. Got to know moe about the types of lines the program could draw and the ways the lines coud be manipulated to remove material from the solids. One thing I was sure of, this program is better than the one we were trained to use a year ago. Went for lunch, before going off for Calculus. The lecture was fast paced once again, though we managed to cover all the topics for the lecture. One thing that we were told. This module carried a failure rate of 23%,while the next one, Further Calculus, carried an appalling 100% failure rate for the previous semester! Wow. Let's hope we could bring down those numbers.

Looking forward to ED tomorrow.

Experience Drive-23

A nice Friday morning. That would be my first time driving an automatic transmission car. The instructor was really slacked. I was assgined to car 152. Really fun to drive with him. That day, I learnt that the automatic car has a nickname, the "toy car". Similar to a radio control car, there's no clutch pedal and no gears to control whilst driving on the road. It's easier to move off on slopes and traffic light junctions, though it is difficult to slow the vehicle down. We went for a drive around Bukit Panjang,Choa Chu Kang and near Yew Tee, before heading back to end the session. A great timing to have the lesson as well, for it helped me improve the lane change technique. Something I liked about the lesson, was I overtook 3 consecutive cars wih the 'L' plate. That was the first time I overtook a moving vehicle. Best of all, I did not have to worry about stalling the vehicle!
This morning all seemed fine, and perhaps, maybe also a little lucky? Missed the first bus when I was waiting to cross the busy road. Just as I reached the bus stop, the next bus arrived. Alighted at the bus interchange, only to notice the queue for the bus was way longer than I had expected! No wonder recent surveys had the result of more people driving private cars to work instead of taking the public transport. Immediately,I took an alternative route, which was faster, but more tiring as I had to walk about a kilometer or so to the classroom after alighting from the bus. Practical was great, especially with the air conditioning. That's the first time in a practical lesson that I nearly fell asleep. Went to complete some assignments before going for lunch and headed home to rush the assignments again, before heading back to school for a meeting that lasted an hour and 30minutes, before, once again, heading home. By now,I'm feeling so tired, I have put all other incomplete work aside. Good thing I had completed almost all my tutorials that are due next week, meaning I could have the weekend to complete my Calculus tutorial and other assignments assigned tomorrow and on Friday.

This semester is starting to become tiring, not stressful. If I were stressed, it would be due to the amount of work I could not complete due to the reductions in the number of breaks I always had while working on assignments.

Ok, so, for having an attitude of not treasuring what I had, bad things happen. If I had lost contact with something I held on to dearly, I'll start thinking wildly, not caring about what others would think until I felt a great impact on my cheek. To date, I have lost friends and possibly a gift that some longed to have. If only, the virtue of treasuring the wealth one had, could be taught.

Experience Drive-22

The second last lesson. Probably the last lesson in the course. Had a different instructor that Tuesday. I was attached to car 20 for that session. That lesson was pretty much like a revision session. He guided me through some of the stuff regarding techniques for the directional change and moving off on a slope. Apparently, that day I did not have any problems with the parallel parking, but I have forgotten exactly how I was able to do it. Had problems with the clutch as well, though I caused the car to stall on a slope. Finally, that was the first time, I was able to experience for myself how little I had to turn the wheel to make a simple lane change. I was also able to regulate the vehicle speed more efficiently and quickly. With that, I would have no problems with the evaluation on Saturday morning.

Today was tiring. School from 1 to 5. Overcame the fear of the module at least. Came up with lots of ideas, but none reflected on the route we were taking, community. We had a great idea, which was a combination of Events Management and Entrepreneurship, but nothing about Community. Asked him for hints after the lesson, and he gave me a couple of sites to check out. That saved quite a lot of time on trying to find the right route to take to bring us back on the right track. Alright. With less dreams to remember, I do feel at ease most of the time, and with less things to worry about, I could concentrate more on the stuff that require lots of attention. Now, I just have got to let go of the dreams that have happened and are not likely to repeat itself again. Hopefully, I could lose the ability to "see". That way, I could simply live on without worrying of what to do or not to do to avoid an event. Anyways, at the end of the day, if you're destined to go today, then it shall be today, vice versa.

Experience Drive-21

That's the 3rd last lesson for the whole course, before I am ready for the final test. Did more practices, and like the last two lessons, went through two test routes. So far, I never really find anything tough about the routes, except for the times where traffic could be really heavy. However, as it was on a Sunday afternoon, and the traffic was rather heavy, it was difficult trying to change lanes and making right turns and U-turns(mainly becuase I was slow in steering and acceleration). Improved for most of the items in the circuit, though I still had problems with the parallel parking and directional change. Stalled the vehicle once again.

As expected, today was going to be a heavy day. Cleared the first chapters for FM and SOM. The chapter on pressure in FM, is really easy. Managed to clear my tutorial in 50minutes(2 years back, I was never able to complete that many questions in under an hour). SOM, managed to clear my doubts of last week's lecture, thanks to the 10minutes of review before he went on to complete the last part of the chapter.


The first SOM tutorial was filled with laughter. All started with a question, which led to an hour of jokes. Great to have such a session after lunch, so that we could recharge ourselves for the last 4 hours of the day. As for its practical session today, had a great time though it was a little rushed. Did the tensile test for mild steel(it's what your car body is made of) once again(like what we did for EM exactly a year ago), except this time, the process was slower so that we could observe the characteristics of the material under large amounts of stress. Brought the specimen back home(since its necking was one of the better looking ones among the groups). Would have the pictures up soon, maybe tomorrow(if possible?).

Experience Drive-20

Almost there! Yet another revision session and lesson, which went relatively well. I still had problems with the parallel parking and directional change in the circuit, and till that point of time, I felt my performance on the road was fine. I stalled once on that day.

Was out the whole day, from 12 till 8. Before that, Uncle and aunt came over to deliver some apple juice(made with a secret formula), which tasted better than those you buy off the shelves! It's kind of for my brother to drink, to help him relax before the first day of an important examination tomorrow. Went out for lunch with parets, before I went to the driving school at 1.20, and took a train down to Bugis to meet them later on at5pm, before we went for dinner.

Finally this morning, I could remember my dream. It's about a kayaking event with a group of friends at a lake.We were told that the lake was infested with sharks and crocodiles, but we went on, till we saw lots of fins and eyes protruding from the water surface. We went to a beach, and we met with the same thing again. Weird, but at least, I managed to remember what I dreamt, after what happened the night before.

Experience Drive-19

Getting closer to the final test. That day was the first day I had my first lesson on defensive driving. It's the first of a set of 4 lessons(which also meant the course was near its completion. Basically, it's revision, with a topic to cover on drivng safely. The session went well, and I had ots of problems with the circuit items. However, I finally had a clean record for that lesson, with n0 vehicle stalls! Finally.

It's been a week since I last remembered a dream. Weird. When I do not think that much, something would happen. But not that week. Last night, I dreamt of something, but I have got no clue about what I dreamt, other than the fact that I was with people I knew. Who they were, I have no idea. Talk anmesia. Shortly after waking before opening the eye, I thought of that girl I had seen in the past 6 dreams I had some time ago. Does someone who looks like that even exist? If so, who is she exactly? How would I find her? On another note: Am I sick in the mind? Or, is my subconscious more "unique" than your average Joe? Why, are stuff that I least expect, happening at this point of time? It's really time I stopped thinking about unnecessary stuff that are out-of-this-world.

Experience Drive-18

Did the emergency brake and three point turn on that day. The emergency brake(also known as E-brake) is somewhat easy to catch. Simply step on the brakes, followed by the clutch just before the car stops. However, you have got to be fast. Afterall, that's the aim of the E-brake, to stop as quickly as possible to prevent an accident. Had a few tries, and I managed to get it, though I never had the chance to practice it again, due to the heavy traffic in the circuit.

Finally, after so long, we finally went onto the road again, to Chua Chu Kang. Went onto a stretch of road that was empty most of the time to practice the three-point turn. It's easier than the directional change in the circuit, for there's greater room to move the vehicle around. Tried a couple of tmes, before we returned to the circuit for more practise before the session ended. When we did the directional change, I forgot my sighting points and striked the kerb many times. He was disappointed, but I was sure that I could correct my mistakes within the next 3 lessons. Overall, the car stalled twice, once while trying out the three point turn for the first time, and once in the circuit.

The last day of the first week of level 2.2. Had lecture and tutorial for Engineering Design(ED). This module is really interesting and fun, maybe for now. Completed the first topic on motor selection today, and it was kind of easy. As the saying goes, "kindness begets kindness", I helped a friend with a couple of assignments back in August, and apparently, some of those stuff I did back then, would be covered in this module. So far I can be sure that the research I did on gears would help considerably, as I would be away for a camp in three weeks' time, which might cost me valuable lecture time. That lecture and tutorial(lasting 4 hours in all on that day) would cover on gears and gearboxes. This module is also linked to CAD. Went for lunch, back to class for our first Computer Aided Manufacturing(CAM) lecture before we had a 2-hour break.Went back to the IT Helpdesk once again, and this time, after slightly more than 2 hours, he managed to install the software for me. Thanks!

Had two hours of tutorial before we were done for the day. Got the feeling that this semester's got the most challenging, yet interesting modules. Tagged along to Cold Storage before heading home.

Went for an evening run today, and it was great. Nice, windy weather, few obstacles along the way. As planned, went into Bukit Timah Community Club to see if there was a water dispenser I could get a quick drink from, so that I would not need to bring a 1 dollar coin out during each run and wait an aiddtional 5 minutes just to buy a drink. Indeed there was one, just outside the toilets. The water was cold! That's the first time I stopped for a drink halfway through the whole run. On the way back, met Zijie at the bus stop, before completing the last 500metres.