Chinese New Year 2011

The transition from 2010 to 2011 was extremely fast. Just today, I looked back to the new year of 2010, and now today, we're at 2011, the rabbit's year.

The past few days were really relaxed, going from place to place, seeing my driving skills improve tremendously within just 2 days, when back in January, I still had to wait for the road to be clear without any obstruction before turning out from a minor road, I needed to make many tiny adjustments while parking, I did not even dare to park in a parallel lot, I had to drive in a car park extremely slowly, making sure I had perfect clearance on both sides before I went up or down the slope to the next deck in a multi-storey car park. In just 3 days, I got those skills to near perfection, with help from family, relatives and friends. Driving more than 220 kilometres over three days, spanning a total of 7 hours on the roads, to 13 destinations in 3 regions.

On Thursday, we went to visit our grandparents in the morning. I was very unsure of my skills back then, and my judgement was rather poor. In the afternoon after lunch, we started on our visiting. Grand mother's place first, followed by my aunt, then off to Plaza Singapura with another aunt, uncle and cousins to catch The Green Hornet. That movie sure gave me some motivation to drive at night I guess. Thanks to the driving at Plaza Singapura, I became more comfortable manoeuvring in tight spaces. We ended the night by visiting my second uncle's family.

I travelled to nearly every corner of the Eastern region of the island from 1.15pm on Saturday, getting lost in Bedok before eventually finding my way back home at 12.18am.

This week, it's back to studying. On the way home the night before many things went through my mind. What about now, later, today? What's going to happen over the next few months, years? What will I do? How would I do it? Where should I go? I felt as though I had found my calling, as though I could see my life right ahead of me. It felt as though, I was in some time machine, driving through time, into the future and back. However in the morning when I woke up, I felt as though everything that happened was just a dream, that it never happened, until I looked at my phone, realising I had forgotten to reply a few close friends the night before.

I had been feeling worried about absolutely nothing for four days now. I have no idea what's going to happen. I met someone who sounded like you, which made my heart skip a beat, but the feeling's still there. At least the twitching in my left eye ended, which I feel might be the fact I met my former form teacher's cousin at home today when she came to visit.

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

If a person like you ever existed, could you tell me how you became like that?

Hi! You may not know me, but I think I might know you. Sometimes, I even dream of being similar to you. Diligent,quick-thinking, humorous and many more. Well, those are just some of the things I'm kind of lacking.

I just hope I could be like you, so that I could become less imperfect to the world, since looks can't be changed freely by the mind alone. I could gain lots of wealth with a personality like yours, maybe fame too. I could do many things, help many more friends, do what I want even!

But then, again, who am I to just become like you overnight, when you obviously took on many challenges that stood in your way, while myself, together with the world, stood at the side, watching you make your way to your peak. You might have all that, but then again, if I were you, I might not enjoy what you were doing. We both have different expectations and beliefs. Similarly, you may not like what I am to begin with too. In the end, we'll be back to being our own, usual selves, living your own lives, walking your own journeys, carving out our own, precious memories.

That being said, just as much as I want to be you, I just wish for the chance to gain some of your ways, so that I too, could become a better individual, who is able to do much more than I currently can.

Thank you!

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Many names easily come to mind. And well, just felt like writing something in general for all friends I have who're not in the country right now.

Hey. It's been quite awhile since we last had a nice chat together. How are the times? Doing well? It's the holidays back here in Singapore, though there're a couple of days I have to return to school(so I won't die of boredom! Just joking.). Christmas is just round the corner! Is it snowing over there? Got your gifts ready?

If you're overseas on a holiday, glad you're getting lots of weight off your shoulders, getting that well deserved break from an exciting 2010! Whether is it free and easy, or a group tour, you're bound to enjoy yourself, just be sure to play nice and safe! If you can, do upload some pictures of the places of interest, for I might have some interest to visit those places in future.

Whether or not you're in the same country I'm in now, or if you're just reading this to pass some time, Here's something for you. I might not be physically there with you, neither might I know you very well, but nonetheless, here's wishing you a very Merry Christmas in advance!

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

The Year End Special. Something to end things off differently this year!

Each year, I'll spend a little time, pondering over little stuff that has happened over the past 364 or so days. This year, I wanted to make it special, since it's 2010, I'm probably in my final year as a teen(unless 20 is considered as the last), and I'm graduating in less than three months. Many thanks to Xing Dan, who inspired me to take on the challenge, since it's probably the best way to mark the end of the first decade of the second millennium(or, the third).

Ever since my age had a second digit to it, I stopped figuring who was truly a best friend. Honestly, I can count the number of friends I have with my fingers, and be left with a few still standing upright! I shall remember three friends. Three friends who have helped shape me from someone people would call a sitting duck, into a simple-minded individual who simply enjoys being there for others(even when he knows it's out of his league to do that much).

I have known this boy since I was 10. One of the few friends I had back in Primary 4. Zheng Yan. Probably the only prefect back in 2001 to spot 4 different badges on your left. Wondered how you managed to bear that weight, walking around during recess, climbing stairs, taking the bus home. Outspoken, always taking initiatives, you have showed me the basics of the meaning of friendship. In 2003, you looked at me with tears in your eyes upon seeing the green laminated script with the three digits that somehow dictated the future of every 12 year old. I could only stare back at you blankly, helpless, not knowing what to do, other than to tell you ,"don't be upset, you did better than me." You know, the incident at the fish shop that same year, was the last time I visited similar shops until 2 or 3 years back. Gosh, we stood there like status, as if looking at the fishes for answers to our innocent deed(it was their fault to place the tanks at such a position where there was little room for them to balance on their own). Still taller than me, you have become better looking, definitely more mature, but hey, you still sound almost the same!

Miss Lim(have yet to find her Facebook account), our first and last secondary school teacher(and the best teacher I've been taught by since I started schooling), sat us beside each other back in January 2004. A month later in February, we decided to go ask for her endorsement for us to make it to the councillor interviews. Like everyone in the world, you started small, and gradually made a name for yourself. We took similar, yet different paths. I still remember, we used to jostle with metal and plastic rulers, typical of 13 year-olds back then? Always there for me, yet I took things lightly every now and then. Perhaps the camera incident in 2006 was a blessing in disguise? The thousands of volts that ran through our hearts at the science lab taught us many things. I don't know what to say, although I had misplaced your trust, you welcomed me back almost as soon as it all ended, as if nothing had happened. Recently you had just returned from your overseas stint, a better groomed person, at least you're more tanned now. I just feel, though we seldom see each other, Randall too, it does wonders how simple stuff like meals, a movie series, books and the like could always help us relate to one another. Sometimes, we don't even need to think about what each other was thinking to know what we're feeling! I miss the days we studied together. Perhaps, history could repeat itself if we became course mates, or beter still, classmates, at NTU?

I don't know about this one. I just, don't know what to say. It all started with us electing a class representative back on Monday morning, 7th January 2008. There were the four of us. One who was the life, organising last minute class gatherings and lunches right after the dismissal bell went off everyday, without fail, there was one, who was always there to provide us with the support we needed, and there was you, the one who would never fail to point out your miss beautiful in the crowd to us every morning(well, almost). Sean, you have been like a guru, ever since the four of us left in different directions on our respective journeys. Many times, I come to you, you'll provide some useful advice, without fail. You gave me the chance to meet not one, but two friends who I came to know and grew really close to. Ever since I knew you, I have had many opportunities to travel those long journeys from the West to the East, to kill time, release stress, and to just catch up on the times. I can't wait to meet you guys soon!

Although it's been quite a while since I met them, I still see them every now and then, though not as often as when were were still seated in the same respective classrooms. I have 4 others, but I doubt I would stop at 7 if I were to type away.

I wonder, would it be possible, if some of the days, I end up writing to the same contact since I can't think of any other?

6.4 Revving Up

Everything's in place, all set for the move. Another month down, three to go. This week was filled with uncertainty, though academically things were looking great. E learning totally sucks, though it meant we get more freedom and time to rush our projects. Nearing completion, we're getting ready for the final panel.

We proved that we could use mirrors to reflect the energy from the focal point on Monday, Tuesday was spent at the Dental Center, First test on Wednesday, E learning on Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time was spent on relaxing, manufacturing, preparation of the final one, and procrastination. It's been getting rather serious lately. In the past it wasn't even there. In August, maybe earlier, it just came. Wonder what's wrong. Thought it would leave me alone once it's had its share of the cookie. It stayed. I might lose friends if it goes on that way. Hope I can overcome it soon, before more damage is done.

The past few days, I related my daily happenings to dreams I had over the years. Slowly but surely, I'm beginning to see everything falling into place, every action and decision making some sense. Maybe, that's how my life was supposed to be. Either I wasn't meant to be living that way, or something out there, is making things more challenging for me, making every effort I made worth the while.

3rd Week: Uncertainty

Reaching the next point, it's a recharge station. It's one where you could relax, and ponder over which of the possible routes to take in front of you. Oh, and you're not supposed to stop for a break, even though you would be stuck there for a short moment. I'm there.

My doubts are cleared, I know, and am able to see the deadline drawing closer, I have other things to consider. I have many different options, each with a set of challenges. Some options carry a similar set of challenges, each with a different weight, though in the end the weights sum up to a hundred. If you did your math, yes I have got hundreds of possible routes I could journey forth from this station. Question is, which one?

The present is definitely important, but isn't the future going to be of a greater importance? As much as I would want to live to the fullest, this hour could possible be my last. What happens today, shapes the future. Should I make the move now? Or should I let it linger close to me for a little longer, and making it happen once I'm ready? Many choices, one decision. Many journeys, one future.

I am a dreamer. I'm like a kid. I want the best case for everything, for everything to go smoothly and well, without the slightest possibility of a failure. I see my options through, thoroughly, like a dream. However, whenever I dream, I lose track of my crafting skills, that's where trouble comes.

Last night, I had a dream. Similar to one I had some time back, travelling on a train, and going to some place. This time, I did not know where I was heading with a group of people, don't know how many, but with at least 3 others. It was 11am, the dream started with me entering a train, joining a group of people. As I traveled, somehow I came to know of a few friends. We alighted at an underground station, and we took a bus to somewhere. Throughout, we were having a great conversation, breaking the ice, sharing about our interests. I did not know how it continued or ended as I woke abruptly at 6am.

Unknowingly a little later I fell asleep and this time I was in front of my computer, noticing someone logging in. Wondering who it was, I decided to start a short conversation, which soon developed into something deeper. The alarm rang at 6.30am, and there, soon I was getting ready for school, unable to know how it continued and eventually ended.

How should I go on? I'm ready for the dive, but I'm not sure how I'm going to land. Should I go ahead, or think it over?

4 More Months

4 more months to live, as a Polytechnic student. A week had passed, and it's November. It feels like I had just started on my first semester. I decided to keep the knowledge, discard the attitudes I had towards learning. Start from scratch, and hopefully, accelerate, and take off to what could be a nice finish to my three year journey.

The past week seemed to be an introduction, felt some intensity, but still manageable. Monday felt like a holiday when it shouldn't, since we were struggling to get back on our feet to re-route. The other days, we were making some progress, finally. The real challenge, begins tomorrow. Within a month, I'll need to gather enough momentum through lots of effort, if not, I'll start losing speed the same way I did for the past 4 semesters.

The night before, I celebrated my first Halloween night with the Toasties. Quan, Yee Tat, Hafiz, Dennis, Danial, Zarifah and I went over to Kim's place for dinner, movie and a computer game, all in the name of horror. The journey there wasn't that bad, with the start being kind of nice, when I saw people, young and old, families even all dressed up for a Halloween Celebration at an International school nearby. I realised I was going to be late when I passed Ang Mo Kio Hub at 7pm, when I was supposed to be meeting the group in another 30minutes! I asked a friend for help, so that I could gauge how late I was going to be, and I found out only 10 minutes before I arrived, which was at 7.30pm(without her help). That was, before she disclosed the amount of time I had to travel from my current location that evening till I arrived at the interchange.

Bought dinner after meeting them, and we walked 5 minutes to her home. We watched Mirrors, a movie I heard earlier this year at the loft, if I'm not wrong, Melissa was re-telling a movie to a group of us, and that particular movie fitted everything she described! 10.30pm, we went to take a trip down to a hotel, for a cyber night walk.

The journey home, I was wondering if I could make it back without being overly suspicious of my surroundings. Things went rather fine, and I took the unlikely last 147 home last night at 11.40pm, 10 minutes after the last bus had departed for Clementi. 2 hours and 20 minutes later, I got home. That's when the real fear got to me. Last night, I took a bath in the bathroom which had the smallest mirror, and slept with the lights on. Hopefully it won't be the same tonight. I had never watched a horror movie before, and that was my first.

Anyway, I had a dream this morning, where it was somewhere in December, during the common test period. There was a werewolf 'virus' loose in campus, started by an unknown person. Each day, a close friend of the werewolf would be hunted down right after the paper. Just observe, a group of students running down that slope each day in school. Shortly after, that stretch of road becomes completely deserted, and you hear a long, loud howl. Shortly after, you could hear slow, loud panting from a human, except you could expect it wasn't human. Once it spots someone it recognized, it charged forth, claiming its prey.

On a Thursday, one of my classmates was IT. We had a paper the next day, so we could be sure that the 'virus' was here to stay, at least till Sunday. There was a cure, but I woke up before I could learn what it was. For the paper, I left the moment the paper was done, and since I had a second paper in the afternoon, I stayed at the co-op stall in the new building. It was red, so I had the thought it would be safe there, at least. Oh and for some reason, the werewolf would strike only 5 minutes after a paper had ended, and each time, it ran down the hill. However, no one knows how or when the victim would revert to his or her normal self after that. A short description would be it had a nice coat of dark grey, white and black fur (imagine a German Shepherd dog standing 2 meters tall) and once it started running, one could hardly trace it with his or her own eyes. All it took, was to be bitten or scratched, to become the next IT. A group of friends came to join me soon afterward. Since the group of us stayed around the same place, we decided to meet there at 4.50pm, and regardless or whether anyone was late, we would leave at that time. I left the room at 4.30pm with a few others. Foolishly, we all walked down the hill, since I told them I was going to the new block 73. I met my friends there, and while my friend was paying for a drink he bought, another friend who was there with us, started to morph. Everyone dashed out. One of my friends looted a few snacks and bottles of drink before we made it out to the main road. I woke up when I noticed IT charging to the bus stop.

It's November tomorrow. Barely a month to go. I don't really care if it'll become a reality. I just want to do what I can, with what I have and know...

Last Week of the Last Polytechnic Vacation

In a few minutes, it's going to be the last week of my last polytechnic semester vacation. After that, it's going to be the final sprint(not the actual final sprint yet). 3 years sure came by really fast.

I found the courage to sing along with the Toasties during the extra night we spent at the Loft.

Today, just went home, bathed, slept, had lunch, slept, drove around with parents, ate, shopped, drove home after picking my brother up after his tuition, slept, had dinner, watched television, ran, bathed, watch television, and I'm back here. At least I feel more comfortable driving with my parents, more relaxed. When I tried driving barefoot, I realised although it was harder to step on the pedals, I was able to feel the exact amount of force I needed to apply the brakes and accelerator, hence I felt as though I had full control of the car, up to 70 kilometers per hour.

Tomorrow, it's going to be a great day!

Sorry I wasn't of much help earlier, other than lending a 'listening ear'...

First Camp of my First Polytechnic CCA

Today I just attended the first camp of my first CCA in the Polytechnic. Kind of a bad time, as I'm recuperating from a bad sore throat. Met up with Yee Tat and Kim outside the library to help them with the printing of stuff for the Ngee Ann Polytechnic Student Toastmasters Camp 2010, the first Toastmasters Camp in Ngee Ann.

It was the first time we planned a camp together, and it was also the first time I was part of the organizing committee of a camp. I was doubling up as the media crew and first aider for the camp.

So far the first day went well, though there was a major hiccup with the accommodation, but other than that, everything else went really well! My final Semester Vacation at Ngee Ann Polytechnic is coming to an end in less than 2 weeks, and I feel as though my motivation is increasing at breakneck speed under increasing acceleration, as I make it to the start line for my final sprint.

If only...no, I can do it.

Gundam Fiesta @ Compass Point 2010

Today was a great start to my second last Semester Vacation in a Polytechnic.

In the morning, I left home at 9.45am on board SMRT Service 106 for Dover MRT Station to have my passport photograph taken for a job during the F1 week. However as there was no photo booth there, I was forced to take a train to Commonwealth or I'll risk being late to meet my friends at Orchard station at 11am. I had my photograph taken, and boarded SBS Service 111 headed for Orchard MRT Station, arriving at 10.55am. I met Zhi Chyim and Eugene at 11.05, and we walked to our destination to submit our photographs, before walking to the bus stop opposite Far East Plaza at 11.25 to take SMRT Service 171 back to King Albert Park. At 11.55am, I boarded SMRT Service 77 home, while they transferred to school on SBS Service 74.

I spent 105 minutes at home, playing on my laptop and packing for a set of long bus rides in the afternoon. First, I would be heading for Compass Point at Sengkang, to take some photographs at the second Singapore Gundam Fiesta. I would then take a bus either to Bedok or Tampines from there(I was so engrossed in my game I forgot to check if any bus could take me straight to Tampines or a bus interchange nearby, and of course, I did not check if any bus services could take me closer to home from Tampines). Of course, if there's a shortage of time, I would have to travel by the Mass Rapid Transit train(which would be a minus for me as I only have a concession pass for travel by bus).

I checked the bus arrival at my bus stop. SMRT Services 189 and 106 were arriving at 1.46pm and 1.42pm respectively, and again at 1.55pm. I left home at 1.45pm, and boarded 189 which arrived at 1.55pm. I reached Clementi MRT Station at 2pm, arriving at the Temporary Bus Interchange(probably my first Regional Bus Station) 7 minutes later. I boarded SBS Service 156 bound for Sengkang Bus Interchange(my first long distance bus ride for the day, with an estimated travel time of 60minutes) at 2.14pm. The first part of the journey felt rather fine, as I was travelling on familiar soil. However, some time after passing through Bishan, I started to feel as though I was travelling in a foreign land. The change was subtle, yet I had mixed feelings. Although in my mind I knew that I was still in Singapore, my heart told me otherwise, that I was in some foreign land, though it wasn't as strong as a year ago when I visited Sengkang for the first time.

Shortly before I arrived at Sengkang Bus Interchange at 3.26pm(4 minutes ahead of schedule;total time of travel: 100minutes; distance travelled: 28.4km), the high LRT lines came into view. I felt as though I was in a commercial plane which was descending onto the runway. Upon alighting, I went to search for the board with the bus service information. There was only 1 bus service linking Sengkang to Bedok Bus Interchange. That was the closest I could get to Tampines. Oh well, depending on how things go, I might be forced to take a train from Bedok Station to Tampines Station.

I started off with a walk around Compass Point. As it was past 2.30pm, most students would have been dismissed from school on the first day, so it might get crowded. First thing I saw was the Gundam Fiesta. From the main entrance, I felt a little disappointed, as it looked exactly the same as last year's from that perspective. I decided not to worry so much and leave that for later. The first floor still felt like the current Jurong Point, connected to the Bus Interchange and Train Station. The rest of the floors felt like a "rounded" West Mall, minus the cinema. At the top floor, I looked down. Hey! The set up's different! There's much to say here, but I'll let the pictures do the talking. The link would be up as soon as I upload my photographs on Facebook. As I walked around, I planned my photo opportunities. Though I had slightly more than an hour to spare, I had barely ample time to take photographs of the whole exhibition(though the area covered was small, but the exhibits were greater in number this year with a whole lot of limited edition model kits on display). I guess it was a blessing in disguise for me not to have located the kit lens and was kind of forced to leave home with the 50mm prime lens that afternoon, for I was able to take lots of great close-up portraits of the humanoid models. I would say that this year's fiesta was planned in a similar manner compared to the previous year, and the organisers have gone two or three up to add on more new, and limited edition models, as well as the palm of a life-sized, 18-metre tall Gundam model that took 6 months to put together in Japan. For once, maybe I had missed it last year, I understood the different grades of the model kits, which are categorised into the High Grade, Master Grade and Perfect Grade.

I left for Bedok on board SBS Service 87 at 4.34pm(4 minutes behind schedule). I did not feel anything during the journey. It felt as though I was travelling on familiar soil, even though I had never been to a few places along the way. I arrived at Bedok at 5.10pm(6 minutes behind schedule; total travel time of 100 + 36 = 136 minutes; distance travelled: 28.4km + 13.6km = 42.0km). As I had only 20 minutes of travel time left(a result of my poor route planning), I had to spend a little more to travel the last leg of my journey for the day by train, from Bedok Station to Tampines Station, a total of 3 train stops. I did not notice Danial and Zarifah opposite me until Danial came over and gave me the bubbly 'poke'. They came from the city after catching Resident Evil, in 3D. We all met up with the rest of the Toastmasters group at 5.35pm(5 minutes behind schedule; total travel time of 100 + 36 + 15 minutes = 151minutes). We planned a couple of stuff from 6 till 8.30pm, before going to a food court for dinner.

At 9.55pm, I boarded SMRT Service 67 bound for Choa Chu Kang, toward my Former Primary School after King Albert Park, on my return leg of the trip. I had an unexpected, but enjoyable conversation via the Short Messaging System which helped keep me awake and relaxed on the way home. Before Entering Upper Bukit Timah, the moon tonight was one big, beautiful orange crescent! If only I was daring enough to take out my camera to take a shot of the sight. I arrived at the bus stop at 11.05pm(total travel time of 70 minutes). 15 minutes later, I boarded SMRT Service 77 bound for Bukit Batok, and headed home, stepping into my room at 11.28pm(total travel time of 70 + 23 = 93 minutes).

My travel history for the day:

106 > train > 111 > Orchard Road > 171 > 77 > Home > 189 > 156 > Compass Point > 87 > train > Tampines Mall > 67 > 77 > Home

Though for a moment I forgot the significance of confiding and having a conversation, I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent. I wouldn't mind sacrificing time for others, but I would mind if others had to sacrifice part of their time for me.

Level 3.1 Examination

One more day to go. So far, it's been going downhill. No motivation, little drive. And I had thought it ended long ago. This time it came back, stronger. Shall do a proper post tomorrow after it all ends.

This morning, I dreamt of something that's been kinda recurring for some time now, except that the places always change. I have no idea how to go about telling it. It's almost as if it was all happening in real time, and I would only notice it was a dream when I turned to another side of the bed. Even after I realise it was a dream, I couldn't get myself to wake from it, until I heard my phone ring. Twice. Somehow, the minute-long alarm just couldn't work, but the barely 2-second long message tone did the trick.

I can't remember much about the dream. It started in a flat. I was with a family. No idea what or why I was there, seated at the dining table with everyone else. Somewhere in between, I was conversing with a friend, either over the phone, or online. At the end, it was raining at the entrance of a shopping mall,and I was meeting the same friend. Upon seeing me, two kids (I think they're about 3) ran toward me from one of the pillars concealing part of the glass doors, happily. I can't remember if they were two boys, or a boy and a girl. Behind them, she followed. One thing I did not know was, who was their father?

I don't know for sure what it meant, but I had dreamt of something like that before, sometime last year, I had a dream where I was out with a group of friends, and someone I knew, was there with us for a moment with another guy friend who we did not know. They left 5 minutes after we all bumped into one another.

I don't know. It felt as if someone was trying to force it into me. I tried to force myself to wake, but I had to receive two messages before I could wake. The alarm did not work(I subconsciously turned it off and went back to sleep). From the looks of it, it'll happen in the future? I doubt it. Maybe it's too early to tell. The dream felt so real, and I felt joy being at the flat conversing with my friend. I was struggling to wake just before I saw her with her kids, as a result, I did not know how I felt during that time.

"Who was the father? Me? Wait. We have never been together, so that won't happen."

Almost throughout the whole day I was pondering over the same thought. Now, I'm feeling lost. What am I to do? It's one of my greatest dreams to reach that point in my life, but I'll want to know how I'll reach there, and with who. Perhaps, it was good that I did not know for sure who the friend was, but I'm glad whoever planted that in me was good. I rather live like a normal person, not knowing what would happen in future, though it's good to experience it twice, once in a dream, and again in real time. It's the journey experience along the way that provides the comfort and warmth.

Maybe, it was time to let nature take its course? I'll just continue being myself. Embrace whatever comes my way, living as if tomorrow was going to be the end of the world.

End August'10

The second last day of August. Signifies the time of preparation is almost over. I'm left with the memorization of a list of formulae for Friday's paper. September arrives, a month long of possibly life changing activities and events are coming. Not sure if I'm ready, but I'm prepared to score at least straight Bs. That's the minimum i'll have to manage to continue studying on home ground.

This morning, I was woken up by a simple line after noticing myself sitting at a blue marble chess table at a void deck. A short, dark figure came up to me, saying that she(going by the voice, I guess the figure was a she) and three others were coming to get me. I woke up right after.

A day ago, I had another dream. This was rather weird, but yet it seemed very possible. I was at a road crossing at a city with sky scrapers with no vehicles on the road, and only a few other people walking along the streets. Suddenly there were fighter jets in the sky, but they weren't targeting anything, just flying in the sky. They were grey triangles, with borders painted green, yellow or red. They landed with their vertices facing the sky.

I woke up, rolled around in bed, yet I was still in the dream. When I fell asleep again, I was in some government building, being led into a conference hall as a minister. The prime minister went up on stage to give a speech, when someone in the crowd stood up and pointed a gun at her, demanding that all officials leave the hall, leaving the ministers and himself in the hall. We sat down in a circle, and got down to business. In fact, the discussion went on without any hostility. The discussion had been going on for 30 minutes,when things took a turn for the worse. The man started demanding things that seemed impossible for us to do as a government. I can't remember what he demanded, but we managed to resolve other stuff he brought up on behalf of the people. At some point, he took out his gun again, and I took mine out in an act of defence to the prime minister. She took my gun and threw it on the floor. He fired a shot which missed, as I knocked her off her seat. We both fell to the ground. Before I could reach out for the gun, he shot me in the bottom thrice(I know it's a weird place to be shot at), one penetrating my right wrist. I woke up right away, somehow still feeling the pain in my wrist, with disappeared after awhile.

I went back to sleep again. This time, I was a student in a school, who was attending a sports class. I was transferred from another sport, to swimming. There were two groups, but I did not know which to join, so I just went to the nearest group of bags at the pool to put down my belongings, and went to a hall one floor up to join the cohort. An instructor noticed me and asked me to go bring my belongings back up, and join the students who were getting changed. I did not bring my swim attire that day, so I could only go as far as the second activity, which was to have my body mass recorded. It was a good thing, since the swimming training was really tough from the looks of it.

Well, that's about it. Tomorrow, I'll be going back to my Secondary School, and maybe my Primary School if no one's going for lunch tomorrow.

18 days to the end of 3.1

It's been far too relaxing, there's just 6 days to the exams. YOG's over, so I should be into the study mood by now. More or less done for the modules, except for the part on remembering the formulae.

Drove alone twice this week, and it sure was fun. The afternoon might just be the best time to drive, as the roads are mainly occupied by buses, taxis, and a few other vehicles at any one time. Chances of being horned at by an impatient driver are relatively low.

Nothing much have been going on this week, but I'm sure once this weekend is over, things would start pouring in, so I had better try to clear as much as I can by Monday. Might be returning to the secondary and primary schools on Tuesday, some of our Filipino friends would be landing at Changi this Wednesday, Thursday I'll probably be doing some last minute memorising for the first paper on Friday. The weekends would be spent in school.

National Day Weekend

Happy 45 birthday!

The recent weekend was kind of special. On Friday, I went to purchase some gear for taking the fireworks over the 2 weekends. On Saturday, went to the flyer with my relatives. In fact, it was our first time. Brought all my gear, hoping to see things I had never seen before. Indeed there was, and we saw students arriving at the F1 pit building, and on the way down 20 minutes later, we saw them making their way to the floating platform. That evening we went to Long Beach for a seafood dinner. Enjoyed it alot, and I tasted prawns for the first time(as I was afraid of the taste of the prawns since young). A prawn surprisingly tastes similar to the crab.

On Sunday, we had a gathering at my uncle's place for lunch. Quite a pleasant drive there, and that was the first time I parked the car perfectly in 1 reverse attempt, and at a car park my dad had never driven to! Went to Clementi to buy dinner and snacks for a soccer match later that evening. We had instant noodles for dinner. The next day, well, easy going morning, but as the time got later, things just kept getting better.

Woke up at 9.20am, surprised that my dad had not gone to work. 30 minutes later, I realised it was the nation's birthday. Lunch was simple, took a family photo after aeons before going to Hort Park(wrong timing) in smart casual attire, which was a wrong decision under hot and humid weather conditions. Went home, changed and went to Commonwealth where we took a train to City Hall to meet my aunt and uncle. Adjourned to the Singapore Recreation Club(SRC), but we had to make a couple of detours along the way. Kind of impressed with the two guys in charge of an exit at City Link. We managed to enter after leaving city link from an alternative exit at 7.20pm after the floats cleared the waiting area and the barricades were temporarily opened. Watched part of the parade live, watched how my dad offered advice to another member who was impressed we knew about the 1/3 rule of photography and videography. During the finale, it was as though I was watching a scene from the Gundam Seed Anime being played in front of me. The red fireworks that swept across the sky from the left to the right of the skyline at the start, was like the thousands of nuclear warheads being intercepted in the anime series.

During that time, I was someone who looked like her (except she was taller and whose voice had a higher pitch) sitting beside me, using a phone of a similar model but of a different colour, taking shots of the pyrotechnics with her family. Had the urge to help her like my father did, but decided not to, since it might spoil the experience for them. Moreover, a voice was telling me to continue waiting patiently, to walk on.

Today was spent on watching the encore telecast on the internet, chatting with a friend whose face I have never seen, who I have never met. My marathon training began today, with the 8-kilometre route. The timing wasn't up to my personal standard, but it was fine, since I had just recovered from a flu and minor knee injuries. Tomorrow, is the day I begin on my intensive revision for the final exams.

Meeting somewhere between December and February. The decision which might make or break it, just like the mere 5 minutes I experienced at Bedok Bus Interchange more than 2 years back.

I Don't Just Want To Spend Time With Them Subconsciously

This morning, I had 2 different dreams, lasting a total of 5 hours.

I started dreaming approximately at 2am this morning. I was walking through a forest with the California Challengers and members of the Dumaguete YEP Team in California, and we had to climb a hill to a lighthouse. It wasn't really a lighthouse in present times, but it had been transformed into a museum. Upon entering, there was an exhibit in front of us. At a glance, it looked like a living room. However, our guide told us to gather behind a sofa, and she pointed up at the ceiling, telling us to look carefully at the shadows. The ceiling was really high up, and there was hardly any shadow on the ceiling. I was beside Samuel, and after a couple of moments, I saw walls forming a perimeter on the ceiling, marking out the perimeter of the living room on the ground. Besides the walls, there were windows, and doors!

Our guide was explaining stories behind the separation of the walls from the room, when I spotted some of my friends and children playing outside. There was a swimming pool with a pavilion outside the window! We were let out to enjoy for some time. I can't remember what happened after that, except there was a small dispute between us and a group of youths we did not know.

The dream supposedly ended at 4am, when I found myself somewhere else, in a mall, on an afternoon. I received a phone call from a friend, who happened to be at the same mall as I was. She had brought along two others. I had never met the 3 of them before. A young man came to me, holding out three long metal bars at me. He was dressed in magician's garb, the standard hat, suit and shoes. Each bar seemed more of a magnified light stick, that was glowing white. He asked if I knew who was inside each bar. This dream might not make sense, but somehow it's of some sentimental value to me. In each bar, was a friend. The young man said he was helping them to find me. I thanked him for his help on their behalf, and he said we could go somewhere for a chat while he went back to tend to his booth. The 4 of us went to a nearby park for an afternoon conversation. We talked for 2 hours, about almost everything we could think of. Soon, before we knew it, the man came to reclaim his three metal bars. I woke up at 5am, shortly before returning to sleep, and unconsciously continued from where I left off.

Two of them returned to their human form as soon as I returned the bars. They became even more talkative as soon as that happened, asking all kinds of questions about how they looked, and whether I thought they were different from what I perceived them to look like, and why I felt as though nothing was wrong when I was seemingly talking to 3 light sticks in broad daylight, and how I was able to keep my composure even as all kinds of looks were given to me by passer-bys.

However, the third, requested not to be returned to her human form as soon as I returned the bar. Puzzled, I asked if we were to meet again in future, if we could see each other face to face. At 7am, I was woken up by my alarm clock. How I wish I could go on dreaming.

A possible deja vu in the making? Anything could happen.

Present-Absent Issue

Why, is it that we have to wait till we lose something or someone, when we start to regret our loss? When something is within our grasp, we tend to take things for granted. When its time is up, only then, do we start to realise something was wrong, missing, or left out since the first day it was there. Everyone has only one life. The trick is, to live every minute like there was no tomorrow, to savour every second, as if one might not survive to live the next. How is that possible? Faith, whether in oneself, someone else, or any other being out there, is what helps. Believe in oneself, and/or others. If you can't do it, you can always learn how to.

Failure simply means you hadn't tried hard enough. It's alright. You did not get the result you hoped for, but there would always be another chance to arrive at that result again, or, it could simply mean that a better opportunity to a better result was round the corner, waiting for you.

An action results in a reaction. We all know timing is important as well. By playing one's cards right, one could attain his or her predicted results? Isn't leaving that to luck, leaving it to others to decide what move one should take next? No one is able to clap with one hand. No one can survive from cradle to grave alone without any aid. That's why we have friends and family to turn to in times of need. If all else fails, there's always a home to turn to. None of the above? Just keep walking. Soon, you'l find yourself reaching home, a place where you can find comfort, warmth and a group of people you would come to know as your family, a group of people you'll enjoy being with, who you would gladly live with and care for, till the day you breathe your last breath. Everyone has a home. It's just a matter of where it is, and whether one has already found it.

A person who is sure of the outcome, would dare to do something that gives him or her the chance, or better still, bring him or her that outcome. To live a life of happiness without regrets, is everyone's dream. My life is piling up with moments of different feelings, thoughts, emotions and memories. However, I have only 3 big dreams. In each of the 3 dreams, are a long list of goals helping me to fulfil the dreams. Just let me fulfil these 3, and I would have accomplished what I want in this life.

If I'm too afraid to communicate with them from behind a screen, I don't deserve to communicate with them in person, as it would only become even more quiet(unless they're fine with that, or I'm able to open up more).

Just A Coincidence?

This afternoon, I saw a different view on an opinion of mine, that sometimes, it's simply a coincidence that certain things happen. You go out on the streets, and you meet someone by chance. You get involved in something simply because you were there seemingly at the right time and at the right place, whatever the reason might be. What would you do, if you received something unusual that's a gift that's given to you, for seemingly picking the right choice, and doing what you view as the right thing?

Went to watch The Sorcerer's Apprentice at Jurong Point with Andy, Randall and his friend this afternoon. We had wanted to watch Inception, but we decided to switch to that movie as Andy was afraid he might fall asleep during the movie in case he did not understand the plot of the 2-hour long movie.

It's kind of predictable as for any other movie where the main character gets bestowed a power, and uses that power to achieve something after having self-doubts before accepting his/her fate and stepping up to the task, not forgetting the main dish: duels. Lots of it.

In our present day life, everyone wants to live a simple, normal life whilst accomplishing tasks and feats that would set them apart from the rest. However, only a small minority would dream of doing something many wouldn't do, since it's said that "leaders don't do different things, leaders do things differently". If you're leading a simple, scheduled life that's average and enjoyable, would you do something to make it better? Taking small steps, yes. Making one giant leap to achieve greatness, most would stop, procrastinate, and think at least twice. Working one's way to the top to earn a 5-figure sum, or biting that bullet to buy that potential winning lottery ticket that's worth a dollar, that could make you a millionare in one night? It's your choice. However, whichever path one chooses, there's no turning back, although it is possible to change the future, with the right set of decisions made at each junction in life, to return to the other path one could have taken much earlier on.

Whether one could ever change the future to enjoy what he could have enjoyed if he/she had taken the other route, it's all at the mercy of time, and the decisions of others. The end result of that route, is a miracle, the best result fate could reward one who makes the right choices. The more decisions one make for a miracle to happen, the greater and more valuable the miracle would be for the individual, and possibly, two or more individuals who might or might not be related.

However, what makes a miracle, truly seem like a miracle? Some associate it with luck, a coincidence. That's what make a miracle special. Even winning the lottery, might seem a great deal, simply because the many balls in the machine are pushing each other, generously inviting their numbered pals to take their place. Whichever ball gives in and takes the spot, provides a ticket containing its number the chance to win a prize, provided a certain number of digits held by its other ball pals accept their places in the remaining spots.

In the end, it's still about decisions, feelings, timing, ethics and people. So does something happen because it's a coincidence? It's just so difficult to tell exactly how things happen, because the Earth doesn't revolve around a single human, being or organism.

Fate: Your Next Stop In Life

When an opportunity comes, you either take it, or have let it go, in the faith that a better opportunity might just come your way later on. The decision, the choice of choosing the better path to take at a crossing, to help you reach your next destination in life, leads you to your fate, the next stop on your 100-year or so journey, that seems endless, even at death.

In the past, I used to believe that fate was simply determined by time, nothing else. This was one of the million things I had never realised in detail till after my O Levels. Since the day I stepped into campus as a full time student, I never expected my life was going to sky rocket, with experiences I used to think that were impossible, unfolding before my eyes. The result of a simple, yet important choice which I made, and a journey I was fated to travel, at the cost of 1 grade point at the 2007 General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level Examination. I only have those around me, close or far, to thank, for helping to give me the confidence to make the life changing decision, and helping me reach where I am today.

Just a day ago, I was given an opportunity to help in a charitable operation by helping a team of 2 friends to go to a couple of secondary schools to pick up used clothes donated by students today, but I decided that it was a bit of a risk, as I was going to miss a whole day of school. However, it turned out the day's activities in school was kind of unproductive, with me returning to the realm of gaming with some classmates, though I managed to catch up with the class, and our Final Year Project(FYP) team managed to come up with a list of things to do leading up to the third panel.

Something amazing about fate, it employs the economic theory of opportunity costs. You can either have one way or another, but each time, you can't enjoy the best of both worlds, since no one can be at two places at any one time. If I had gone for the collection(a rare opportunity), I would have missed school, and the introduction of The Christieara Programme(YES I FINALLY HAD THE RIGHT SPELLLING) for the first year students, coupled with introductory speeches and sharing sessions by representatives from the California Challenge and Dumaguete (Philippines) Youth Expedition Project. The TCP sure is becoming more geared to providing students with a holistic education during their stay in NP!

Met lots of people, friends and saw over 700 students beggining a new chapter in their 3-year journey with NP. I returned to the days of being an event photographer. Thanks to Joel for giving me that little push to go forth and take up the role. Reunited with about half of the Cebu team of 2009 who are now members of the Overseas Merit Fellowship: California Liberal Arts Challenge 2010.

Helped to transport the collected clothes at 8pm when Danial and his partner arrived with the clothes. How I wished I were 2 years older today, so that I could help the Operation Juvi team with their collection, to be able to hire and drive a van without difficulty, to be able to collect all the donated clothes from the participating instituitions around the island, and helping the team to save precious time and manpower on travelling around to collect donated clothes. Before that, a small group of us went to Makan Place for a late dinner. This evening was the first time I dared to reach out to a toddler who found a temporary comfort by my side. I wonder if it's the same for all young children, or if I had something in me that never failed to invite them to stand beside me. Somehow, it fills me with joy inside, calming my senses, making me feel as if I were floating in the air..

"Luck favours a prepared mind" John Chng, TCP manager

7 nights later, though I could not remember the plot, I was still able to go places with them.

Day 14-The Last Day?

"It's the last day of the programme, and I sure am glad I was able to return to blogging. The 14 days has helped to reinstate my old pastime of posting small portions of my memories on the net, to help myself, and friends to know about my experiences in life. I'll be able to continue posting more news and reflections, for that's what helps an individual develop greatly over time. Sometimes, expressing thoughts and feelings in words could make things alot easier to think about, and helps one plan ahead for the future."

Somehow, today I felt as though something was missing in my life. Lethargy, loss of interest in whatever I did(extremely short interest span). I could be doing something for just 5 minutes, and the next thing I knew, I was lying on my bed. It's weird. Just a day ago, I was doing fine, feeling great, and I was able to get lots of things done. Perhaps, my mind needed a break badly due to my tendency to think too much, to recover from the excessive death of brain cells. The answer, might have been staring in front of me the whole time, but I am afraid. Afraid to confirm if that was really the answer to my questions.

Day 13-Cousins' Visit

Here's celebrating my 300th post!

This morning, I had 2 dreams, the first was set in pure darkness until toward the end I started to see light. The second was a continuation of the first after I woke up at 6am, and tried to sleep to continue dreaming(Lots of Deja Vu moments from today were from that dream).

The first dream probably started at 4am this morning, maybe earlier. I can't determine the time, or place in the dream, as my surroundings was pitch black. It started with me hearing a friend's voice, telling me,"Hey, wake up. She's online."

"Huh? Oh oh! But so early?"

I saw her profile flash at the bottom right of my sight. I wasn't seated in front of any screen. I looked around, it was pure darkness. The only thing I could see was a small tab showing her profile name and picture, stating she was online. I got up and went to the computer, and started a conversation. She asked about the school I was studying at, about the courses offered there. Suddenly she said that she was planning to make a trip to the school with 2 other friends to look around, as they had never been there, and would arrive between 11am to 1pm.

After she went offline, I could see the cabin, and my room mate behind me. I woke up at 6am.

I tried to sleep again, to continue with the dream. Somehow I wanted very badly to see how the day developed. At around 6.30am, I found myself waking in the cabin again. I saw her still online, and went to chat with her. However this time, we were talking about the times we had feelings for each other, and though I could feel she was hesitant to start over with me, I was hinting to her I would like to start afresh. She was refusing my hints in a sweet tone. Her message had the word "Auttthhhhiiiiinnnnnnnggg", which I stared hard at, trying to decipher the meaning. Did it mean "outing"? Her last message before going offline was asking if I was interested in her close friend, 'Alanor'(the name isn't spelt that way, though it sounds the same).

At 10am, I got changed, and went to the school. The crew was at Makan Place, so I went there to join them for brunch at 11am. I saw a group of 3 girls. I went to them, and invited them to join us since we had some extra portions. The captain invited them to join us on the short voyage to Orchard Road after lunch, as we were going to relax for the afternoon, before preparing for a battle at Mount Faber in the evening. They agreed, and decided to tag along, and return to look around the school when we return in the evening.

At Orchard Road, the 5 of us went to a department stall at one of the top floors of a shopping mall. We met another 2 friends there. One was teasing her, while another, was teasing the both of us, asking how the both of us were getting along.

Just then, the captain and 4 other comrades came, and told us to look out the window. It seems that the battle had started way earlier than we had expected, and we were mobilised to take part in the defence as well. As the ship was docked somewhere far from our location, and the 5 of us had no choice but to head over to the site first, since we could summon our crafts, also known as mobile suits(something like a super sized suit, but it's armed with weapons) from our present location. She held on to me, asking to follow me on board the craft. Somehow, without even thinking, I simply allowed her to follow. However, the both of us had to get to somewhere else before we could summon our crafts. I brought her all the way to Vivo City, so that I could prepare her to join me on board the craft, which could only seat a pilot. I was able to modify my craft at a secret workshop there by configuring the craft. Before I pressed the button to summon the craft, I told her to prepare herself for the flight to the battle site. I woke up at 8.45am.

Once again, I tried to fall asleep at 8.45am, and at 9am, I saw myself seated in a circle with the crew and with her seated opposite me on the floor outside the entrance of Makan Place. Her friends, and two of our friends who we met at the department stall, were not present. We were having dinner, talking about all kinds of stuff. Although we were not seated beside each other, I felt as though we had reconciled.

She was about my shoulder height, and her voice seemed to have gotten a little higher pitched.

I woke up at 9.45am, but my head felt really heavy, as though it wanted me to sleep on to continue dreaming. However, I did not want to go back to sleep or I might sleep till 12, and might not be able to remember my dream upon waking, as that heavy feeling in my head wasn't a good sign. If I had fell asleep, I would go into a deep sleep almost immediately and would wake at least 2 hours at 12pm, unable to remember whatever I had dreamt.

"This evening, my cousins came over to visit, and to pick up some pills as one of my cousins would be going overseas on a back packing trip in the coming week. Had my dinner late this evening as I had just returned from an evening run, while everyone sat at the table and chatted about our overseas experiences. I can't help, but feel the warmth. The conversation has fuelled my desire to go on a long trip with a group of close friends."