Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

It's him. Again.

Hey you. Yes. Why are you following me? I have enough problems myself already. Would you leave me some time alone?

I just want some peace in here, without anyone there to stop me. Just a moment of silence alone, please?

Alright. Fine. You can stay. It's been 19 years anyway. Why aren't you any better than me? I don't want you to be like me. If I could, I would definitely do whatever I can to turn you into someone better. I just can't. You look like me, do everything like me. I want to help you, but you'll just mirror my actions anyway. What do you want me to do? I really want to help you. I really do. I don't enjoy seeing your sadness paint the window each time I see you. I want to see you, jubilantly jumping around, just like the first time I saw you in the mirror years ago.

I'm a late bloomer. Are you? You don't have to follow me, you know. I'm sure that although you look exactly like me, inside, you are way different. Knowing what move I would make next, is your best ability I have ever known, and no one can beat you at that. Only someone who knows me inside out would be able to, and so far, I know none. You're special, for I see you only on reflective surfaces.

So what if you never found anyone to spend your life with, yet? I haven't either. It's not as if I'm not trying. I don't know how to approach her. Even so, I don't know if I have found her. As for you, if you do know something, would you tell me something? A tip or two? I don't want to die single. I wish to leave this world, with a ring in my finger. Your world, is my gateway to the great unknown. I would like to join you, but I have many plans, wishes and promises to fulfil.

Have you felt what it's like to be lonely, to be ignored? I certainly have. Have you ever wondered, each time I turned to walk away, when I would return, to see you again, at the same place, or somewhere else? I'm sorry, but you are not one of those I look forward to seeing again, for I fear outsmarting your perfect ability to mimic me. Many times I have wondered if I would meet someone again, after seeing his or her back disappearing into the distance, into the crowds. However, I wonder, how great you must be, to be able to appear right where I am, no matter how far, or how long I have travelled from that point we last saw each other.

You never fail to help me get dressed. Always, you point out where I should tidy myself, or if I look perfect for the occasion. I even carry one of your windows to school, so that I could help make my project perfect. You were there too.

If there was someone who could be like you, always there when I needed you, I'm absolutely sure I would never have to live another day in sadness. Yes. You might say I always wear a smile each time I look at you. However, pure and true as it may be, I want to be able to smile just like any other guy out there, who's helplessly in love. Don't worry, I'm sure your day would come as soon as mine does, for I have heard, and seen for myself, that the soul is linked to one's reflection.

PS If you could help me to become happier, please do. I wish to spread it, for a simple, pure smile, is extremely contagious.

With lots of love,Happy New Year.

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Another tough one. This year, I attended many activities, each with many people, and all of them, changed my life.

I don't know who to start with, so instead, I shall write one to the 2010 YEP team. Being a simple person, I'll just make something general so there shall be no secrets about anyone(as if there were any to hide).

Honestly, I don't know everyone very well. All of us do know a lot about each other, though to me, nothing beats all that without having gone through something with everyone. We all had.

You guys taught me new things in life, many of which are things I did not know were unnecessary. I'm the kind of person who likes to be there for everyone, and where I can't help, I'll be at my worst. Through photography, I have achieved it, though there were times I was tired and wanted a break, but, you guys always come first.

I liked to travel, so much it did not occur to me that I was able to take initiatives to gather like-minded friends to do go on morning walks with me! Even now, I'm planning for a short trip within the island.

The company with everyone, was a great escape from the stress of studying. There was lots more to just the simple stuff we did over there, since there was the administrative work, and the foundation laying for us to do what we went there to do. Lots of effort put in, many times the reward we harvested, though the fruits of our labour was shared with not just us, but the people as well.

Though the place did not change much within the year, travelling with everyone, has shown me that the place might be the same, but the environment does change. No matter where you go, each time you went back to the same place, you can be assured of a different experience, better or worse. That's what makes me like travelling so much. To like the place is one thing, but to embrace what the place has in store, is another.

I guess, as much as I would like to travel, I should do it on my own, or with a group of friends. There's only so much the school can do for the students. Shortly after our return, I registered for another YEP, but decided to withdraw as a student leader, simply due to the fact that I wanted someone else to feel the great joy we all felt during our journey. I wanted to pass a stack of paper and a pen to someone, so that he or she, could write a new chapter into his or her life.

It's more than a year since we all met for the first time, but I'm glad, and amazed, we are still closely knit together as great friends, and I'm sure, we will always stay that way.

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Surprisingly, I had a few in mind on who to write to, but, I did not know their names! Initially, 10 faces came right after I saw the topic. Some of them, I knew their faces, but did not know their names. Some I knew their faces and names, but did not know if I had correctly matched the names to the faces. Only one, I could remember, just in time for me to write a proper letter to.

Hey, I met you just yesterday(maybe even a few times before, just that I had forgotten), together with Andy and Zhong Rong. It was one of the rare days I had dinner with them, and thanks to them for allowing us to have a nice chat yesterday, to find out more about the changes taking place in school, 3 years on.

We learnt a lot about what our future would be like, through the chat we had yesterday. Many things I found out that were similar or different between the different groups. Guess the two main UGs are having a cold war again, though I doubt there's anything to be worried about, as there's bound to be a turning point where everyone would come together to stage something impressive just as the first camp fire was, years back.

I never expected you to be a nice person who's easy to talk to. Just ask them. It's really that difficult to get someone like me to put my shell aside. You have that level of maturity in you, which somehow makes me all the more interested in what you shared with us about your training. It sure has benefited you lots, and made you a better individual.

Though I'm not sure if I'll be able to have a meal or something similar with you guys again, I sure had a great evening with you all, celebrating boxing day!

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

I can't remember who I made a pinky promise to, but I am sure I have promised many people many things. I can't even remember who was the last person I made a promise to, though I know the last 20 or so promises I made.

I have promised many things to many friends and people, but so far I have broken quite a few, but it's less than a thousand, for sure. Sadly, most of the promises I broke, were the ones that carried really bad consequences.

Since I can't write a letter to the last person I made a pinky promise to, I shall write a letter to the first person I would make an extremely important promise to. To whoever you may be, I promise to make my first promise, a promise that I will promise to care for you eternally, to promise that even while I'm physically or mentally absent from your presence, I will be there with you, to give you strength from afar, to promise that you will never walk to the finish line alone.

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

This Christmas might be the best I ever had, but then again, I wonder, how many have suffered prior to this special day, we celebrate on the 25th of the last month. It's written with three in mind, but maybe I should not mention any names, so that I could reach out to even more friends.

Hi, I heard that you have felt like giving up. Well, it just isn't the worst of all the problems you have been through. What might be the obstacle that's preventing you from moving on? Work, stress, someone else, or yourself?

Sometimes, if the matter's too great for you to handle, you might want to ask for help, unless there isn't anyone who is able to. It stressing you out? Just take a break. Perhaps, you might have pushed yourself so far beyond your limits, your biological gauges are screaming their lungs out so badly they need some rest. Even machines need a break too. Whenever in doubt, ask. Unless it's something silly like "Do I have to write my name in the box that needs me to do so?", questions never hurt, especially if they're meant for something that requires no mistakes. However, do note that people usually don't entertain the same questions that were asked more than twice. Though I don't really ask questions that often in school, the workplace sure has taught me that asking is almost always the best way out of a deadlock. It's akin to a list of cheat codes to doing well in a job(especially where it's a blue collar job).

Interpersonal skills. Between two or more individuals, communication is vital. Well, it boils down to how you talk to them, the level of respect they need, and how you treat them. A person who's hard to please is like a fish on a fishing line. Sometimes you just got to loosen a little, sometimes you might have that chance to reel in the line. Done well, the other party wouldn't even realise it, and you would be on your way to being on excellent terms with him or her!

Health, own expectations, and commitments. I can't really help you in these areas, except to offer a listening ear, and just see how I could help. I can't really promise you I would be there 24/7 for you, but if I had the time, I am willing to be there for you. You might have gone through a lot, but who knows, maybe someone else has been going through the same situation as you, or maybe worse. So, you can be sure that no matter how bad your situation or problem may be, there would definitely be someone out there who has had an experience worse than you.

All in, no matter how bad your times may be, just know. You have a friend who trusts you, and believes in you. All you got to do now, is belief in yourself, and give it the extra push to make things happen, to turn the tables around. You can do it!

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

You're probably the life of the class. Probably the only one who might be able to keep us awake during lessons with the questions you ask, allowing for a short, powerful jolt to jump start our dozing minds.

However, even before the first word is being pronounced during the lesson, you have already gotten part of my mind into action, wondering what would your first question of the day be. Not sure if that's a good thing, but it does help, somehow.

Other than that, your songs, could do only two things for us. They could lull us to sleep, or simply accelerate the rate we complete our stuff. Other than that, well, there's nothing much more that pesters my mind, except, wonder how you could be like that, yet do so well in the tests.

Wonder how you could do all that, making the tests that cause question marks to appear all over my head, seem like chicken feed on your part. Thick-skinned is no longer a good word to describe you. Maybe, you're just so good, that I just haven't found the right word in my vocabulary to describe how good you really are.

Finally, just wanted to say, no matter how you are like or what you do, though your actions occasionally put some of us off, thanks for being in our class, being that piece of the puzzle that completes the picture.

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

If a person like you ever existed, could you tell me how you became like that?

Hi! You may not know me, but I think I might know you. Sometimes, I even dream of being similar to you. Diligent,quick-thinking, humorous and many more. Well, those are just some of the things I'm kind of lacking.

I just hope I could be like you, so that I could become less imperfect to the world, since looks can't be changed freely by the mind alone. I could gain lots of wealth with a personality like yours, maybe fame too. I could do many things, help many more friends, do what I want even!

But then, again, who am I to just become like you overnight, when you obviously took on many challenges that stood in your way, while myself, together with the world, stood at the side, watching you make your way to your peak. You might have all that, but then again, if I were you, I might not enjoy what you were doing. We both have different expectations and beliefs. Similarly, you may not like what I am to begin with too. In the end, we'll be back to being our own, usual selves, living your own lives, walking your own journeys, carving out our own, precious memories.

That being said, just as much as I want to be you, I just wish for the chance to gain some of your ways, so that I too, could become a better individual, who is able to do much more than I currently can.

Thank you!

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Childhood. It's really long, yet I'm amazed I can vaguely remember facets of that past.

We took the same school bus, we played tag with the same group of friends, however, among us, I guess I was the worst off. I never really knew you very well until my second term of school 12 years ago. Back then, we were still small, extremely mischievous and fun-loving. Anything could become our topic of the afternoon or evening.

It was only when we were both 11, that we finally got to be in the same class. Shortly before that, fate had it that I should excel in my Mathematics when I was 10. That paper was the first since my first Semesteral Examination in Primary 1, where I could answer every question like a breeze, to the extent I looked in disbelief that I could solve a few 4 or 5-mark questions in just one, simple step.

When we were 8, we did something terrible yet weird, that was started and ended, by the same kid. Our early June holiday gift from him? A visit to the Principal's Office for an activity we took part in, but actions we were the victims of. Speak of not telling lies, when clearly, as kids, we had to tell them, for the opposite was more likely to be the real lie in their eyes. I remember there was once you said I got called to the Principal's Office with you, as we were throwing paper aeroplanes out the classroom window. Though I can't really remember it, maybe I did help you with a plane or two?

Well, after we graduated from Primary School, shortly after you came to my home for a barbecue. Can't really remember why, but that was how it was back then. Simple, yet enjoyable for all of us that evening. Ever since, we had been travelling on different routes, but the occasional plans of a girl and a few others who loved the occasional reunion of our P5/6 class, would bring our paths back together for a brief moment. Within those brief moments, we were able to catch up on the times, sometimes not noticing we had lost touch with one another until it was time for us to continue where we left off in our respective lives.

However, one thing's for sure, you still have your great sense of humour, and myself, I'm still kind of quiet in nature. And, our areas of study compliment each other, though we might not be working for the same company in future.

So much has passed, and it's simply wonderful to know that, I have at least one friend who's been there, walking with me since I was a kid, who had to climb onto a stool just to turn on the lights in a room. For everything we did right or wrong, but in the end the fun made it worth our while, I thank you.

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Many names easily come to mind. And well, just felt like writing something in general for all friends I have who're not in the country right now.

Hey. It's been quite awhile since we last had a nice chat together. How are the times? Doing well? It's the holidays back here in Singapore, though there're a couple of days I have to return to school(so I won't die of boredom! Just joking.). Christmas is just round the corner! Is it snowing over there? Got your gifts ready?

If you're overseas on a holiday, glad you're getting lots of weight off your shoulders, getting that well deserved break from an exciting 2010! Whether is it free and easy, or a group tour, you're bound to enjoy yourself, just be sure to play nice and safe! If you can, do upload some pictures of the places of interest, for I might have some interest to visit those places in future.

Whether or not you're in the same country I'm in now, or if you're just reading this to pass some time, Here's something for you. I might not be physically there with you, neither might I know you very well, but nonetheless, here's wishing you a very Merry Christmas in advance!

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

First got to know you and many other awesome people to come during the first then TDP activity. Got along quite well, you taught me many things, some of which I later passed on to other friends.

Three years sure pass fast, and very soon we'll be collecting our certificates. We did many activities together, especially under NYAA. Wonder what happened to the scheme the small group of us came up with. Seemed like everyone became overly busy and caught up with other stuff and studies that it's become silent. Perhaps we'll continue once we graduate?

Hope you're coping well with your final semester, since the final sprint is usually the toughest. After that, we'll pass the finish line, collect our prize, and enjoy.

Haven't got much to say, though there's something I plan to do after completing poly, while waiting to enlist. You, Samuel, me, and maybe a few others, go on a photography outing to some parts of the island?

All the best!

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Right from the moment I breathed my first breadth, I have never hated anyone. Maybe, just the feeling of dislike, for awhile.

To be frank, I used to think that only such people existed only in the fictional world, in books and on screen. Never expected to meet someone like you in the world we live in though. Although I wasn't in favour of the ways things were to be done under your leadership, you have shown me how I could cope under such pressure. Thank you for that.

Under your wing, I seem to have come to realise, studying had never been easier. Which is the reason why, into my final semester of study, I'm even more determined to score straight As, for a better future. No idea whether or not we'll see each other again, but trust me, I'll be more prepared to take on whatever you may throw in our way, if there were a next time.

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Though I'm trying to fulfill the challenge, I want to make an effort to make every letter worth something , at least to whoever they're meant for.

Hi, hope the letter I'm typing to you would not seem awkward or anything, since we haven't been talking to each other that often to begin with.

We weren't really that close to begin with. I occasionally talked to you, as I felt you were easy to talk to, without feeling tense and all. I never expected to become that close while we were hosting friends who were here on a visit back in February. Was nice getting to know you better during the few occasions we happened to be together, though I did not say so much about myself.

Anyways, I'll be looking forward to meeting everyone again in the extremely near future, and catch up with everyone as well. All the best to your coming tests(if you still have any)!

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Two years later, three of you went on to serve the nation, while I'm still living the life of a student. It's just a matter of time before I join you guys on the field.

Thadd, I wonder where you are now, and how you're doing. Among the 4 of us, you were like a guy with great strength, a friend I looked upon for reassurance you would be there to help us whenever we had difficulty completing our tasks during PE during our 1 month's stay at MI.

Didn't get the chance to say congratulations on being attached to Shi Hui. Only found out recently. How are you getting along? Great? I could only imagine you as a body builder, always striving to make yourself stronger than ever.

If there's the chance, I do hope we could meet up soon, even a simple tea session with you guys is good enough.

Haven't heard much from Limther as well, though he sounds the same as before. Hope he's as well as ever. Sean, well, I guess he's still the same, maybe better than before, just that I never really noticed?

Let's see if we could meet for once, before next year, hopefully? Looking forward to seeing you guys!

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

I'm currently 3 days behind schedule due to assignments and tests, but I'm aiming at returning back on track before the next weekend arrives.

Hi!It's almost two years since I first met you. It was meant to be a break from the December common tests, doubled with something to treat myself with on Christmas night back in 2008. At around 2.30pm on boxing day, you asked me to join your training party. That's about how our friendship took off.

You introduced me to not one, nor two, but three friends, who I would cherish, whether or not we would even have the chance to see each other face to face. There's something about this friendship that makes it so special. At the beginning, we were able to talk about almost anything under the sun. Music, arts, math and many more. I seldom have such long conversations with friends, and so often too. It used to be fun conversing with you, almost every night back then. You helped relieve me of my stress, and handed the job to another friend, of whom I eventually came to develop some feelings for. Befriending you, was like a never-ending roller coaster ride. A moment of thrill was never enough. A pleasant surprise,good or bad, was always waiting at every turn. Until recently, I never knew you had a thing for photography. Wondered how long you had been into it, maybe even longer than me. Perhaps one day, we could exchange photographs and pointers online?

We've been going through a lot. If there's one thing I really wanted to do right now, it would be to resolve whatever issues and doubts between us, and continue walking together, enjoying and taking in whatever comes our way. We do not know each other personally, but I do know there's a possibility in strengthening the friendship between us. With that, till I see your names signing in again, I'll be missing everyone.

Day 6 — A stranger

Hi! Just wanted to ask, what makes a stranger? I don't know you, you don't know me. Somehow, I don't know how, we're friends online. Was it this year, or last year? Well, though we were probably taught by the same teachers, but in different buildings, on the same parcel of land, somehow, we're strangers. Till now, I still don't know how it came about. Alright, this is probably going to be the shortest letter I have ever written,but anyways, maybe since we have exchanged words a couple of times, it wouldn't be that awkward for me to write this to you(for fun), though I had a hard time finding someone in my friend list to write to.

Hope you don't mind this being short, since the length is more or less, pretty much an idea of how much I know about you.I wouldn't mind getting to know you a little better, though.

Day 5 — Your Dreams

It's supposed to have been posted way back, but I'm only posting it now, since I have the time for it. Hopefully, I'll be able to be back on track before the end of next week.

Hi, you have been giving me random forecasts of my future. Each night, you either send me on a fairytale, you make me go through something I fear, or hate, or simply prepare me for a situation before I go through it in the real world. I never knew how you gave me such a gift. Could it be caused on that evening in November when I was just 7, when I fell off the steps of the school bus as it made a right turn into the HDB estate I used to live till 11 years ago, crashing onto the door, being knocked cold for between five and 10 seconds, like how almost every superhero out there gained their powers from unwanted accidents that fatefully happened at the right times?

Many times you point out what I should look out for, and be prepared for it. Twice so far, you pin-pointed almost exactly how I would end up meeting two different friends. Twice, you have showed me their looks, personalities and voices even before I would come to know them. Maybe there have been more cases, but I could only remember these 2 so vividly. Recently, you made me see myself taking the life of a kid, with a blade, and eventually running in the cold night like a fugitive, from Hougang to Ang Mo Kio by bus, barely evading the authorities who were hot on my tail, barely two hours after the moment of folly, by transferring onto another bus bound for Woodlands. I really do hope that doesn't come true, for somehow, the images you show me, would somehow, unfold before me, one way or another.

Earlier this year, you told me I would not be going on a trip I had wanted to go since I was in my second year of study. However, it was a blessing in disguise, one that I would have least expected.

Oh yes, there's another. I don't know whether it's just me being overly dreamy just before I board that flight for dreamland each time, or you're telling me a story of how I would eventually meet the person of my dreams. It's like a drama serial, except that the episodes do not run in order. A series that has more than 30 episodes and counting with almost each passing night ever since I don't know when. Of course, I do hope such dreams come true, for so far, I am positively sure I have experienced 3 or 4 of the dreams recently. If you could provide, I would like to know how I could pop the questions at the right moments.

You know, without you being there, I might have lost my life much earlier. It feels as though I'm living on borrowed time.So far, if I could continue living after each death, I could have traveled to heaven and back 3 times! However, I have only 1 life to live. I hope that, when you read this through my very eyes, you would still stay by my side, guiding me through. You have been a great friend to me, and I wish to let you see how the images you show me, unfold in my life, with me at the control, doing it right.

Day 2 — Your Crush

It's only the second day, and I am already having difficulty carrying on. Since I wanted to start on this, I shall see it to the end.Still, I wonder, what if I end up writing to the same person more than once, throughout the 30 days?

Hi! I highly doubt you would know it's for you(for now, as I got a feeling, you might eventually find out one way or another), though I don't know if you'll ever chance upon this. Anyway, you're the first(and hopefully the last), of whom I have had, sadly, forgotten the exact time I saw you(or at least met you) the first time(too bad we never met in a classroom).

We seldom exchange words when we see each other, yet somehow, I feel very opened to your feelings almost as soon as we take off on short flights of conversations. You are probably the first who finds me funny at times(even though I feel it's just me being me). You have, in one way or another motivated me even without you yourself knowing it, but above it all, a simple thank you wouldn't be enough to satisfy everything.

Well, I count it a blessing to see how our paths crossed, to have at least have felt something, than not to have felt anything at all, although I have never experienced how an act would be reciprocated.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

The Year End Special. Something to end things off differently this year!

Each year, I'll spend a little time, pondering over little stuff that has happened over the past 364 or so days. This year, I wanted to make it special, since it's 2010, I'm probably in my final year as a teen(unless 20 is considered as the last), and I'm graduating in less than three months. Many thanks to Xing Dan, who inspired me to take on the challenge, since it's probably the best way to mark the end of the first decade of the second millennium(or, the third).

Ever since my age had a second digit to it, I stopped figuring who was truly a best friend. Honestly, I can count the number of friends I have with my fingers, and be left with a few still standing upright! I shall remember three friends. Three friends who have helped shape me from someone people would call a sitting duck, into a simple-minded individual who simply enjoys being there for others(even when he knows it's out of his league to do that much).

I have known this boy since I was 10. One of the few friends I had back in Primary 4. Zheng Yan. Probably the only prefect back in 2001 to spot 4 different badges on your left. Wondered how you managed to bear that weight, walking around during recess, climbing stairs, taking the bus home. Outspoken, always taking initiatives, you have showed me the basics of the meaning of friendship. In 2003, you looked at me with tears in your eyes upon seeing the green laminated script with the three digits that somehow dictated the future of every 12 year old. I could only stare back at you blankly, helpless, not knowing what to do, other than to tell you ,"don't be upset, you did better than me." You know, the incident at the fish shop that same year, was the last time I visited similar shops until 2 or 3 years back. Gosh, we stood there like status, as if looking at the fishes for answers to our innocent deed(it was their fault to place the tanks at such a position where there was little room for them to balance on their own). Still taller than me, you have become better looking, definitely more mature, but hey, you still sound almost the same!

Miss Lim(have yet to find her Facebook account), our first and last secondary school teacher(and the best teacher I've been taught by since I started schooling), sat us beside each other back in January 2004. A month later in February, we decided to go ask for her endorsement for us to make it to the councillor interviews. Like everyone in the world, you started small, and gradually made a name for yourself. We took similar, yet different paths. I still remember, we used to jostle with metal and plastic rulers, typical of 13 year-olds back then? Always there for me, yet I took things lightly every now and then. Perhaps the camera incident in 2006 was a blessing in disguise? The thousands of volts that ran through our hearts at the science lab taught us many things. I don't know what to say, although I had misplaced your trust, you welcomed me back almost as soon as it all ended, as if nothing had happened. Recently you had just returned from your overseas stint, a better groomed person, at least you're more tanned now. I just feel, though we seldom see each other, Randall too, it does wonders how simple stuff like meals, a movie series, books and the like could always help us relate to one another. Sometimes, we don't even need to think about what each other was thinking to know what we're feeling! I miss the days we studied together. Perhaps, history could repeat itself if we became course mates, or beter still, classmates, at NTU?

I don't know about this one. I just, don't know what to say. It all started with us electing a class representative back on Monday morning, 7th January 2008. There were the four of us. One who was the life, organising last minute class gatherings and lunches right after the dismissal bell went off everyday, without fail, there was one, who was always there to provide us with the support we needed, and there was you, the one who would never fail to point out your miss beautiful in the crowd to us every morning(well, almost). Sean, you have been like a guru, ever since the four of us left in different directions on our respective journeys. Many times, I come to you, you'll provide some useful advice, without fail. You gave me the chance to meet not one, but two friends who I came to know and grew really close to. Ever since I knew you, I have had many opportunities to travel those long journeys from the West to the East, to kill time, release stress, and to just catch up on the times. I can't wait to meet you guys soon!

Although it's been quite a while since I met them, I still see them every now and then, though not as often as when were were still seated in the same respective classrooms. I have 4 others, but I doubt I would stop at 7 if I were to type away.

I wonder, would it be possible, if some of the days, I end up writing to the same contact since I can't think of any other?

6.4 Revving Up

Everything's in place, all set for the move. Another month down, three to go. This week was filled with uncertainty, though academically things were looking great. E learning totally sucks, though it meant we get more freedom and time to rush our projects. Nearing completion, we're getting ready for the final panel.

We proved that we could use mirrors to reflect the energy from the focal point on Monday, Tuesday was spent at the Dental Center, First test on Wednesday, E learning on Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time was spent on relaxing, manufacturing, preparation of the final one, and procrastination. It's been getting rather serious lately. In the past it wasn't even there. In August, maybe earlier, it just came. Wonder what's wrong. Thought it would leave me alone once it's had its share of the cookie. It stayed. I might lose friends if it goes on that way. Hope I can overcome it soon, before more damage is done.

The past few days, I related my daily happenings to dreams I had over the years. Slowly but surely, I'm beginning to see everything falling into place, every action and decision making some sense. Maybe, that's how my life was supposed to be. Either I wasn't meant to be living that way, or something out there, is making things more challenging for me, making every effort I made worth the while.

Till I Find You

Walking on streets,

Winding through avenues,

Wondering under bridges.

Journeying through seasons,

Juggling under spots,

Joking on memories.

Dwelling under stars,

Dreaming on nights,

Designing through friendships.

Till I find you. Wait there.

A poem composed from words or whole phrases from titles from Yiruma's albums. Dedicated to a friend, I guess?

Good Start, Slowing Progress?

We had a great start to the semester. Things seemed to be picking up really well over the past 3 weeks. However, today, I felt lighter, as though something was taken off my back. I feel so relaxed. Imagine laying down on a busy road, with vehicles passing at 100km/h, feeling the strong winds blowing against your face.

I have no idea why the sudden relaxation. It was as though a part of me was very motivated and determined to get the job done, yet another was dying for a break, to leave things for the next day.

Something's not right. One moment I was going through the pages, checking for errors and adding details to beautify the paper, the next I was preparing for a trip to Dreamland. It went on the whole day, I didn't know how to continue the day, except to give in, head home and continue from there. So far, it's been better, though by not much. Something like this has never happened before.

Tomorrow, if it's going to be the same, I rather spend the first half of the day at home, cycle to school at 11.30, work on a workpiece, carry out a few tests, cycle home at 4.

Could it be that somehow it's linked?No idea what's been with me lately.

3rd Week: Uncertainty

Reaching the next point, it's a recharge station. It's one where you could relax, and ponder over which of the possible routes to take in front of you. Oh, and you're not supposed to stop for a break, even though you would be stuck there for a short moment. I'm there.

My doubts are cleared, I know, and am able to see the deadline drawing closer, I have other things to consider. I have many different options, each with a set of challenges. Some options carry a similar set of challenges, each with a different weight, though in the end the weights sum up to a hundred. If you did your math, yes I have got hundreds of possible routes I could journey forth from this station. Question is, which one?

The present is definitely important, but isn't the future going to be of a greater importance? As much as I would want to live to the fullest, this hour could possible be my last. What happens today, shapes the future. Should I make the move now? Or should I let it linger close to me for a little longer, and making it happen once I'm ready? Many choices, one decision. Many journeys, one future.

I am a dreamer. I'm like a kid. I want the best case for everything, for everything to go smoothly and well, without the slightest possibility of a failure. I see my options through, thoroughly, like a dream. However, whenever I dream, I lose track of my crafting skills, that's where trouble comes.

Last night, I had a dream. Similar to one I had some time back, travelling on a train, and going to some place. This time, I did not know where I was heading with a group of people, don't know how many, but with at least 3 others. It was 11am, the dream started with me entering a train, joining a group of people. As I traveled, somehow I came to know of a few friends. We alighted at an underground station, and we took a bus to somewhere. Throughout, we were having a great conversation, breaking the ice, sharing about our interests. I did not know how it continued or ended as I woke abruptly at 6am.

Unknowingly a little later I fell asleep and this time I was in front of my computer, noticing someone logging in. Wondering who it was, I decided to start a short conversation, which soon developed into something deeper. The alarm rang at 6.30am, and there, soon I was getting ready for school, unable to know how it continued and eventually ended.

How should I go on? I'm ready for the dive, but I'm not sure how I'm going to land. Should I go ahead, or think it over?

4th Panel

If you're soft spoken, you would be deprived of a chance to save your group's reputation when bombarded with questions from the panel. Always knew that, but I would always be left out. Fastest tongues first. Apparently, in my case, fastest did not necessarily mean best answer. I don't know if I should have simply raised my hand, so that my team could let me share my part of the answer with everyone in the room, or do what I did best, step aside, remain silent and observant, noticing time and again, how one answer led the panel on a wild goose chase.

Time management. If time were so merciful, I bet we would all be getting A after A for our assignments and assessments. Though I was determined to do better, the effort I had put in for the past 7 days was still pathetic. Barely a month to go before the common tests, and 20 days before the product has to be 100% complete.

It's over, time to pick my scarred self up, and continue walking. Falling doesn't seem to hurt anymore, which is probably why it's harder to push myself forward. I made the same promise to a few close friends, to do better. I promised myself, straight As with room for only 1 B this semester. I admire, and wonder how a rare breed, who cry when they fall and suffer a minor scratch, pick themselves up after a moment, and sprint, instead of inching forward in what might seem to them to be excruciating pain. Tonight, I shall remain in that muddy spot while I fell this afternoon. Tomorrow, I shall wake, stand up, and make the sprint toward the finish line which seems miles away. I won't give in, till I pass that red line.

4 More Months

4 more months to live, as a Polytechnic student. A week had passed, and it's November. It feels like I had just started on my first semester. I decided to keep the knowledge, discard the attitudes I had towards learning. Start from scratch, and hopefully, accelerate, and take off to what could be a nice finish to my three year journey.

The past week seemed to be an introduction, felt some intensity, but still manageable. Monday felt like a holiday when it shouldn't, since we were struggling to get back on our feet to re-route. The other days, we were making some progress, finally. The real challenge, begins tomorrow. Within a month, I'll need to gather enough momentum through lots of effort, if not, I'll start losing speed the same way I did for the past 4 semesters.

The night before, I celebrated my first Halloween night with the Toasties. Quan, Yee Tat, Hafiz, Dennis, Danial, Zarifah and I went over to Kim's place for dinner, movie and a computer game, all in the name of horror. The journey there wasn't that bad, with the start being kind of nice, when I saw people, young and old, families even all dressed up for a Halloween Celebration at an International school nearby. I realised I was going to be late when I passed Ang Mo Kio Hub at 7pm, when I was supposed to be meeting the group in another 30minutes! I asked a friend for help, so that I could gauge how late I was going to be, and I found out only 10 minutes before I arrived, which was at 7.30pm(without her help). That was, before she disclosed the amount of time I had to travel from my current location that evening till I arrived at the interchange.

Bought dinner after meeting them, and we walked 5 minutes to her home. We watched Mirrors, a movie I heard earlier this year at the loft, if I'm not wrong, Melissa was re-telling a movie to a group of us, and that particular movie fitted everything she described! 10.30pm, we went to take a trip down to a hotel, for a cyber night walk.

The journey home, I was wondering if I could make it back without being overly suspicious of my surroundings. Things went rather fine, and I took the unlikely last 147 home last night at 11.40pm, 10 minutes after the last bus had departed for Clementi. 2 hours and 20 minutes later, I got home. That's when the real fear got to me. Last night, I took a bath in the bathroom which had the smallest mirror, and slept with the lights on. Hopefully it won't be the same tonight. I had never watched a horror movie before, and that was my first.

Anyway, I had a dream this morning, where it was somewhere in December, during the common test period. There was a werewolf 'virus' loose in campus, started by an unknown person. Each day, a close friend of the werewolf would be hunted down right after the paper. Just observe, a group of students running down that slope each day in school. Shortly after, that stretch of road becomes completely deserted, and you hear a long, loud howl. Shortly after, you could hear slow, loud panting from a human, except you could expect it wasn't human. Once it spots someone it recognized, it charged forth, claiming its prey.

On a Thursday, one of my classmates was IT. We had a paper the next day, so we could be sure that the 'virus' was here to stay, at least till Sunday. There was a cure, but I woke up before I could learn what it was. For the paper, I left the moment the paper was done, and since I had a second paper in the afternoon, I stayed at the co-op stall in the new building. It was red, so I had the thought it would be safe there, at least. Oh and for some reason, the werewolf would strike only 5 minutes after a paper had ended, and each time, it ran down the hill. However, no one knows how or when the victim would revert to his or her normal self after that. A short description would be it had a nice coat of dark grey, white and black fur (imagine a German Shepherd dog standing 2 meters tall) and once it started running, one could hardly trace it with his or her own eyes. All it took, was to be bitten or scratched, to become the next IT. A group of friends came to join me soon afterward. Since the group of us stayed around the same place, we decided to meet there at 4.50pm, and regardless or whether anyone was late, we would leave at that time. I left the room at 4.30pm with a few others. Foolishly, we all walked down the hill, since I told them I was going to the new block 73. I met my friends there, and while my friend was paying for a drink he bought, another friend who was there with us, started to morph. Everyone dashed out. One of my friends looted a few snacks and bottles of drink before we made it out to the main road. I woke up when I noticed IT charging to the bus stop.

It's November tomorrow. Barely a month to go. I don't really care if it'll become a reality. I just want to do what I can, with what I have and know...

Last Week of the Last Polytechnic Vacation

In a few minutes, it's going to be the last week of my last polytechnic semester vacation. After that, it's going to be the final sprint(not the actual final sprint yet). 3 years sure came by really fast.

I found the courage to sing along with the Toasties during the extra night we spent at the Loft.

Today, just went home, bathed, slept, had lunch, slept, drove around with parents, ate, shopped, drove home after picking my brother up after his tuition, slept, had dinner, watched television, ran, bathed, watch television, and I'm back here. At least I feel more comfortable driving with my parents, more relaxed. When I tried driving barefoot, I realised although it was harder to step on the pedals, I was able to feel the exact amount of force I needed to apply the brakes and accelerator, hence I felt as though I had full control of the car, up to 70 kilometers per hour.

Tomorrow, it's going to be a great day!

Sorry I wasn't of much help earlier, other than lending a 'listening ear'...

First Camp of my First Polytechnic CCA

Today I just attended the first camp of my first CCA in the Polytechnic. Kind of a bad time, as I'm recuperating from a bad sore throat. Met up with Yee Tat and Kim outside the library to help them with the printing of stuff for the Ngee Ann Polytechnic Student Toastmasters Camp 2010, the first Toastmasters Camp in Ngee Ann.

It was the first time we planned a camp together, and it was also the first time I was part of the organizing committee of a camp. I was doubling up as the media crew and first aider for the camp.

So far the first day went well, though there was a major hiccup with the accommodation, but other than that, everything else went really well! My final Semester Vacation at Ngee Ann Polytechnic is coming to an end in less than 2 weeks, and I feel as though my motivation is increasing at breakneck speed under increasing acceleration, as I make it to the start line for my final sprint.

If only...no, I can do it.