The Last Day

Yesterday I had my last lecture. Today I gave my last project presentation. Two weeks from now, I'll be having my final paper.

It's going to end soon. Somehow, it feels time went by really fast, even though three years does seem really long.

Next up, the last leg. The highest hurdle. The final sprint. Then comes the next educational advancement.

I had thought today was going to be perfect. All we needed to do when we met at 11, would be to compile whatever we had, print the report, bind it, and head to class happily for the last presentation. It was my worst nightmare. Out of the blue, I was made the leader, which made me wonder if it was because I did most of the non-theoretical work, which was more demanding than typing the report itself. My team mates did produce work, but as most of our work was done at the eleventh hour, I was utterly disappointed. Not in them, but in myself. So what if I had gone 3 days without sleep? I should have checked on them, not expect that they would do everything just in time for compilation and printing today. A herd of lost sheep without their lead dog, make easy prey for the wolves.

I had learnt my lesson the hard way 6 months ago. I wanted very much to have 0 last minute efforts this time round. The opposite happened. With 10 times the magnitude from before, it striked back really hard, and with a vengeance. I hate sub-standard work. I'm thankful I am not my tutor. I absolutely detest submitting work with language errors in them. Just 1 error, is enough to start the bomb ticking. While engineers are extremely meticulous and perfect perfectionists in their calculations, dimensions and drawings, I'm relatively relaxed in that zone. Just ensure the necessary stuff is there, and we're done. Guess I should tweak my mindset a little more.

Now that it's over, all I can do is move on. nothing is going to change the fact we did very little, the bare minimum. It's alright to be average, but it's not alright to be below average. Deep down, I was extremely upset, but there was nothing I could do. My team wasn't at fault. I was wrong not to check on them, to give them that push. Not knowing I was the leader, only made things worse. If I had asked them to return on Monday at the very least, we would have been walking home happily at 3.15pm. The last day of school, I don't want it to be the final day of my formal education.

I am going to make a vow right here, right now. After graduating, I am going to continue studying the English language. If I were offered a seat in a university, I will not repeat any mistake from the past three years. Academics, life skills, whatever's not right. There are thousands vying for those limited seats. I want to prove, my results may not be outstanding, but I possess e the potential to go further than the best.

Final Week of School.

Finally I'm down to the last week of the last semester. Doesn't feel like one though. Feels as though it's just like any other week. The only thing that's good, is the long weekend each week, lasting five days from Friday till the following Tuesday. This final weekend's going to be even longer, meaning the exams are just a week away.

Missed the delivery on Wednesday due to a knee injury from Monday, and went home, taking a nap at 6pm. In the end, instead of an hour's rest, I had two. I started a dream at the bus stop near Clementi MRT Station at 9am, with a friend calling, asking if I wanted to join him for a game of soccer at Commonwealth at 10am. I took service 147. Soon after a cousin called, telling me he was on a helicopter, coming to pick me up with a friend. I asked them to meet me at the field at the Commonwealth MRT Station. When I arrived 30 minutes later, my friend wasn't there. A helicopter was there waiting for me. I boarded, and we flew to Sengkang. Apparently I fell asleep during the flight, and my cousin was telling me I should get into the red convertible upon landing. He got in, while his friend flew the chopper to another location.

He told me that the car was mine to use, and that we should head over to a field in Aljuned first. We reached a field larger than two football pitches combined. By then, it was 12pm. There was something about the place. It felt as though we were in Africa! Cheetahs, lions, wolves, dogs, cats, birds, rodents, crocodiles, rabbits were roaming freely all over the place! What was more amusing, they were tame and spoke the Queen's English! We spent the whole afternoon talking to the animals there. I went under a tree, and had a short nap with a pride of lions. They were a cosy bunch! It was 6.45pm when the sun was setting, and I woke. I saw my father sitting on a bench, reading the papers, waiting for me to leave with him. In a daze, I saw the animals, and started feeling great fear. I paced back away from the lions silently. Out of a sudden, one of the younger lions let out a roar. I turned and bolted for the gate.

In doing that, I broke one of the cardinal rules. If I started running, from one of the animals, they would see me as a hostile, and would swarm toward me like hornets. I jumped over a family of rabbits who happened to be hopping home, stopped short of the gate when I spotted a group of dogs and a pack of wolves enjoying what seemed to be a reunion dinner. By then, I was beggining to suffer from a panic attack. They looked up in surprise, staring hard at me. I stared back, before making a sharp right turn to sprint, even faster, toward the other gate where the car was parked. My father was still reading the papers. My cousin walked to the bench, and called in the chopper to evacuate me in case something really did happen. I narrowly evaded a ceetah who pounced. I got up and skipped to the left to avoid crashing into a dalmatian which ran up to me happily, from near the gate. A golden retriever came up, running by my side, as though we were best friends. In the end, we got cornered at the fence. A boxer(the one whose face looks like a bull dog, but taller) walked up, and said," The penalty for running from a predator animal, is to get hunted and bitten." Without hesitation, he bit my left arm. It felt like a vaccination. Initially the pain was unbearable, then it became numb.

Away from the crowd, someone shouted,"Don't move!" I heard a loud bang. The boxer fell, and lay motionless before me. "Don't worry,he's asleep," A man with a shot gun came up. "Guess He didn't tell you about the running did he? Well, you got bitten alright. That makes you a member." I stared at him as he helped me up. I woke up right after, realising it was 8pm.

Last night, I dreamt was at some camp, being deployed to some forested temple on a mission. Turns out, the temple was really big, but run down. It had basements! However, when we reached the first basement, it felt as though we were in some headquarters. Moments later, it felt as though I was inside the game Halo. The Covenant, the alien race, had been waiting in ambush for us. We gradually realised they were forcing us into a trap by luring us down below, when the mission objective happened to be up top. Our battalion made it out to the first floor just in time, before a bomb planted by them exploded at the bottom. The Master Chief arrived in an enemy fighter, making things alot easier from there. We broke through their forces without much difficulty, making it to the control room. I woke up after we came into contact with a prophet.

Chinese New Year 2011

The transition from 2010 to 2011 was extremely fast. Just today, I looked back to the new year of 2010, and now today, we're at 2011, the rabbit's year.

The past few days were really relaxed, going from place to place, seeing my driving skills improve tremendously within just 2 days, when back in January, I still had to wait for the road to be clear without any obstruction before turning out from a minor road, I needed to make many tiny adjustments while parking, I did not even dare to park in a parallel lot, I had to drive in a car park extremely slowly, making sure I had perfect clearance on both sides before I went up or down the slope to the next deck in a multi-storey car park. In just 3 days, I got those skills to near perfection, with help from family, relatives and friends. Driving more than 220 kilometres over three days, spanning a total of 7 hours on the roads, to 13 destinations in 3 regions.

On Thursday, we went to visit our grandparents in the morning. I was very unsure of my skills back then, and my judgement was rather poor. In the afternoon after lunch, we started on our visiting. Grand mother's place first, followed by my aunt, then off to Plaza Singapura with another aunt, uncle and cousins to catch The Green Hornet. That movie sure gave me some motivation to drive at night I guess. Thanks to the driving at Plaza Singapura, I became more comfortable manoeuvring in tight spaces. We ended the night by visiting my second uncle's family.

I travelled to nearly every corner of the Eastern region of the island from 1.15pm on Saturday, getting lost in Bedok before eventually finding my way back home at 12.18am.

This week, it's back to studying. On the way home the night before many things went through my mind. What about now, later, today? What's going to happen over the next few months, years? What will I do? How would I do it? Where should I go? I felt as though I had found my calling, as though I could see my life right ahead of me. It felt as though, I was in some time machine, driving through time, into the future and back. However in the morning when I woke up, I felt as though everything that happened was just a dream, that it never happened, until I looked at my phone, realising I had forgotten to reply a few close friends the night before.

I had been feeling worried about absolutely nothing for four days now. I have no idea what's going to happen. I met someone who sounded like you, which made my heart skip a beat, but the feeling's still there. At least the twitching in my left eye ended, which I feel might be the fact I met my former form teacher's cousin at home today when she came to visit.

Roads and Decisions

Increasing acceleration. That's what some would say. From a luxuriously laid-back and relaxed holiday mood with a shot of vodka on Monday, to an extremely fast paced pre-examination mood with high adrenaline action over the weekend. Oh, I don't drink. The vodka was just some root beer from A&W.

Monday it was just some simple revision, with the sole intention of catching up for Mathematics, and I left out the 3 reports, which are due over the next 2 weeks. Tuesday was more or less the same, except I was preparing for a different module. Wednesday, was when I finally started on a design report, whose first draft is due come Wednesday. Progress was slow, considering the fact it was akin to a squirrel waking from a 100-day hibernation. Thursday. The first eye opener. It was talk after talk from 12pm till 5pm. In between I went to a few booths to find out more about how I could further my education after graduation. Friday, the mad rush to get things done finally began. Once it started, there was no turning back. Saturday, came another wake up call. This time, it was really bad. Looking at the guide, my options were severely limited, thanks to the effort I put in toward the end of 2010. Now, I had to give it everything I could, to finish it well. I went to the Suntec Convention Centre, where the Nanyang Technological University was holding talks for Polytechnic students. I found my calling in 2 disciplines, but I'll leave it to fate to decide which I would be accepted into, but more importantly, if I would be offered a place to study. Today, was a miracle. I completed in 2 hours, a segment of the report that used to take me 3 days to complete a year ago. In the evening, I completed another segment in 30minutes, of which the similar process would have taken me 2 hours if I were to do it a year back.

On Thursday, a senior I have known for three years, would be going to Australia to further his studies, very soon. Everyone around me is getting better. I'm no exception. Everyone's moving forward. Some are faster, some are slower. No one is getting left behind. I should follow the tide, using it as a guide to my next destination. Meanwhile, I have got a fight to finish, to complete the course with the last colourful set of results, to prove that I have indeed done my very best, and have no regrets as to what may come after that.

The past few days have been tough, but things would only get tougher, as February and March approaches. Come March, I will ride the waves of a tsunami, conquering vast parcels of land that once mocked my weak, humble body that could only go where the waters went. I shall prove to them, I might have been the wreckage of a ship, but once ashore, I become the foundation, the pillar, of a new development.

Workshop

Today I had my first TCP workshop in 2011. More of a preparation on what to expect in an interview, be it for a scholarship, university admission, or a job.

Learnt lots of stuff from preparation, what to wear, to how to portray oneself and everything about the exchange of words.

Felt really tired, but managed to learn lots of things I never knew about interviews. Prior to receiving the email, I had thought that a polo tee and jeans would make the cut. Apparently I was so wrong!

110111

That's a lot of 1s today. The next time it happens would be in October and November.

The first week of the year passed rather well. Almost, until the first day of the second week. Saturday. The days before, we were setting up, everything was going really well. This year, was the first time I was taking part in the Open House, joining the frontline with the Student Ambassadors and staff. The experience sure was good, and I felt my skin grow a couple of centimetres thicker. I was more daring as compared to during the F1 weekend last year. I must say, the team, my boss and supervisors have indeed done a great job in pushing me. Though I wasn't really into the service-oriented roles, it sure helped me gain some confidence, and improve on my speaking skills! A great improvement compared to 6 years ago, while I was a student volunteer at the Singapore Science Centre, and visitors had a difficult time understanding the words I spoke!

My eyes gained a few kilos as well, from all the eye-candy! Well, I don't know, but maybe I should just hang in there. I have faith that day would come, good or bad, sooner or later. Saturday was the busiest day, and I had to put on a one-man show. Many thanks to the friends who stood by me, for I would not have been able to survive the last 4 hours without them!

Yesterday, I found out from a friend that I had another dream that happened in the real world. The first part of a dream that happened 2 years ago, back in August 2009. I had already expected it, and told my friend, that part of the dream did come true once I found out it happened.

Apparently, I failed my NAPFA once again. This time, it was the shuttle run station which I did badly. Back in September I was able to score 5 points for that station, but today, I scored only 1. Perhaps it was the floor, perhaps I really needed more training. The coming Monday, I shall train for it.

Tomorrow, I would be confirming my grades for the common test. Hopefully there would be no marking mistakes. Hopefully, on Thursday or Friday, I could help with the course counselling, even if I would not be given any accreditation for it. Just want to help the prospective students know that this course, is what they truly want to study and enter as a career in future.

The night before, I dreamt I visited a fair at Suntec or Expo in the afternoon. The booths looked like guest registration tables at wedding dinners. Of course, there would be 2 representatives stationed at each booth.

There were so many booths, yet the place did not seem to be crowded with people. I visited 5 booths, a junior college, a polytechnic, a local and a foreign university, as well as a travel agent. At each of the booths, each time I turned around, I would notice a girl, turning with her back facing me. I felt weird. As much as I wanted to go up to her to start a conversation, I wasn't able to, as I was making inquiries at the booths.

At 3pm, I entered a room where a seminar, meant for students preparing to travel to Australia for their university education, was being held, but was opened to the public. I sat next to a guy, who I did not know, but seemed to be a good friend of mine(maybe I would know him in future). He was going there to study. Just as the seminar ended, he said to me, the girl who I noticed, wasn't the one I was looking for(though it might appear she knew me).

I had no idea who the girl was. 1.6 to 1.7m tall, shoulder length black hair, and wore a grey sweater with a hood, and a pair of dark blue jeans.

2011

2010 went by so fast. Many things happened, but it just felt like a month. It's like running a marathon. Just moments ago, you were striding effortlessly past the start line. Minutes, and hours into the race, you gradually find yourself losing strength and stamina, however the momentum to go on just gets stronger. By the time you notice the finish line in sight, you're in great pain, feeling as though your legs could detach from your body and fall off anytime. However, it's the will to finish, that provides the force, the last bit of energy in you, to complete it. Completing a year, is just like running a marathon. 365 days, 366 once every 4 years, Your age simply depicts the number of marathons you have completed.

In the past year, studies was more on the downside, while everything else, was way up. On Tuesday, January 5th last year, I received my driving licence. Ever since, I had been driving at least once a week on average.

In the past 2 years, it seemed that going to the Philippines was like an annual activity, though each time it was a totally different experience. Saw for myself how environments change faster than people. I went on an adventure race with a friend, for the fun of it, back in June. During the term break, an unexpected meeting took place, which led to a reconciliation with a few long lost friends. Wondering how they're doing.

In June, I took part in an adventure race with a friend in somewhere in May or June, which helped prepare me for a marathon later at the end of the year.

Shortly after in July, I was the official photographer of Speechcraft 2010, a speech contest for Ngee Ann Polytechnic students jointly organised by the School of Interdisciplinary Studies, and the Ngee Ann Polytechnic Students' Toastmasters Club.

I attended a Gawad Kalinga Summit in school and at the National University of Singapore, a Philipine Non Government Organisation which aims to send world poverty to the history books by 2015. Learnt many differences in the ways their culture hosted such large scale events.

Later on, I became a volunteer while being an event photographer for a friend and Youth Expedition Project Delegation Head. Operation Juvi as it was called, an event started by a second year student from the School of Life Sciences and Chemical Technology. It's the first time I was involved in something by the United Nations. Hopefully, I'll be able to return to help if they held it again this year! A day later, I went to Liang Court for an Italian dinner with my cousins, uncle and aunt, who were going to take me for the 2010 New Paper Big Walk, which would be held the following day. That was the first time I stepped into the first floor of the Marina Bay Sands.

Then came the Youth Olympic Games in August. Nothing much actually, though it was an experience to learn night photography featuring fireworks, and putting what I learnt to use just 30 minutes after grasping the basics! Not a very fruitful evening for me, but I did get a couple of good shots.

In September, I had my examinations clash with the Saceda Youth Lead International Programme in Asia 2010, which made it a real challenge for me to prioritise my time. I wanted the best of both worlds, and to make things worse, that was the toughest semester in my three years of Polytechnic Education. The result wasn't in my favour, though I already knew the direction I was headed for. After my exams, I took on my first job with a few classmates and schoolmates, taking stocks and repacking for delivery to two locations during the Formula 1 Weekend, though my main role was a sales associate at a booth. Not my cup of tea definitely, but it sure helped me gain some confidence, and my skin became a few centimetres thicker after that.

September till November were the toughest months in 2010. Long story short, I was juggling between many things, which made it hard for me to stay focused most of the time. October and November were spent mainly on finishing up on a project, and preparing for a big run in December.

December, well, it was one of the happiest, and most happening months, with lots of gatherings, outings, projects, presentations, examinations and events. A marathon on Sunday, 5th December, which was successful thanks to a friend who guided me along(though there were times I got so fearful of him, I wanted to fall so far behind he would give up on me). A day later I had my final presentation, which was the best group presentation we had since the first one. Two weeks later, I had my examinations. Three papers, with 2 expected A grades, and a B or C grade for the third. Results out in the coming week. The last two weeks of December, was well, filled with partying, and hanging out with friends I had not met in a long time. I went for a medical check-up on the 21st, a Wednesday. Found out I had a heart problem, which was very unexpected since I never had anything wrong with my heart. Well, went to get a second opinion on Wednesday, but found nothing wrong. So, I guess it should be fine, for now, until another review scheduled by the government is done on the 4th of April.

2010 seemed rather simple to me, as there were less than 20 big events I took part in, though I'm sure I attended more than 40 events and celebrations in all. 2011, is definitely going to be a better year. I have no regrets to how 2010 ended, but I would work towards my goals in 2011. Some are, well, nearly impossible(since they depend on fate, not on my part alone), but others, are achievable if I work towards them.

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Another tough one. This year, I attended many activities, each with many people, and all of them, changed my life.

I don't know who to start with, so instead, I shall write one to the 2010 YEP team. Being a simple person, I'll just make something general so there shall be no secrets about anyone(as if there were any to hide).

Honestly, I don't know everyone very well. All of us do know a lot about each other, though to me, nothing beats all that without having gone through something with everyone. We all had.

You guys taught me new things in life, many of which are things I did not know were unnecessary. I'm the kind of person who likes to be there for everyone, and where I can't help, I'll be at my worst. Through photography, I have achieved it, though there were times I was tired and wanted a break, but, you guys always come first.

I liked to travel, so much it did not occur to me that I was able to take initiatives to gather like-minded friends to do go on morning walks with me! Even now, I'm planning for a short trip within the island.

The company with everyone, was a great escape from the stress of studying. There was lots more to just the simple stuff we did over there, since there was the administrative work, and the foundation laying for us to do what we went there to do. Lots of effort put in, many times the reward we harvested, though the fruits of our labour was shared with not just us, but the people as well.

Though the place did not change much within the year, travelling with everyone, has shown me that the place might be the same, but the environment does change. No matter where you go, each time you went back to the same place, you can be assured of a different experience, better or worse. That's what makes me like travelling so much. To like the place is one thing, but to embrace what the place has in store, is another.

I guess, as much as I would like to travel, I should do it on my own, or with a group of friends. There's only so much the school can do for the students. Shortly after our return, I registered for another YEP, but decided to withdraw as a student leader, simply due to the fact that I wanted someone else to feel the great joy we all felt during our journey. I wanted to pass a stack of paper and a pen to someone, so that he or she, could write a new chapter into his or her life.

It's more than a year since we all met for the first time, but I'm glad, and amazed, we are still closely knit together as great friends, and I'm sure, we will always stay that way.

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

First got to know you and many other awesome people to come during the first then TDP activity. Got along quite well, you taught me many things, some of which I later passed on to other friends.

Three years sure pass fast, and very soon we'll be collecting our certificates. We did many activities together, especially under NYAA. Wonder what happened to the scheme the small group of us came up with. Seemed like everyone became overly busy and caught up with other stuff and studies that it's become silent. Perhaps we'll continue once we graduate?

Hope you're coping well with your final semester, since the final sprint is usually the toughest. After that, we'll pass the finish line, collect our prize, and enjoy.

Haven't got much to say, though there's something I plan to do after completing poly, while waiting to enlist. You, Samuel, me, and maybe a few others, go on a photography outing to some parts of the island?

All the best!

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Though I'm trying to fulfill the challenge, I want to make an effort to make every letter worth something , at least to whoever they're meant for.

Hi, hope the letter I'm typing to you would not seem awkward or anything, since we haven't been talking to each other that often to begin with.

We weren't really that close to begin with. I occasionally talked to you, as I felt you were easy to talk to, without feeling tense and all. I never expected to become that close while we were hosting friends who were here on a visit back in February. Was nice getting to know you better during the few occasions we happened to be together, though I did not say so much about myself.

Anyways, I'll be looking forward to meeting everyone again in the extremely near future, and catch up with everyone as well. All the best to your coming tests(if you still have any)!

6.4 Revving Up

Everything's in place, all set for the move. Another month down, three to go. This week was filled with uncertainty, though academically things were looking great. E learning totally sucks, though it meant we get more freedom and time to rush our projects. Nearing completion, we're getting ready for the final panel.

We proved that we could use mirrors to reflect the energy from the focal point on Monday, Tuesday was spent at the Dental Center, First test on Wednesday, E learning on Thursday and Friday. The rest of the time was spent on relaxing, manufacturing, preparation of the final one, and procrastination. It's been getting rather serious lately. In the past it wasn't even there. In August, maybe earlier, it just came. Wonder what's wrong. Thought it would leave me alone once it's had its share of the cookie. It stayed. I might lose friends if it goes on that way. Hope I can overcome it soon, before more damage is done.

The past few days, I related my daily happenings to dreams I had over the years. Slowly but surely, I'm beginning to see everything falling into place, every action and decision making some sense. Maybe, that's how my life was supposed to be. Either I wasn't meant to be living that way, or something out there, is making things more challenging for me, making every effort I made worth the while.

Good Start, Slowing Progress?

We had a great start to the semester. Things seemed to be picking up really well over the past 3 weeks. However, today, I felt lighter, as though something was taken off my back. I feel so relaxed. Imagine laying down on a busy road, with vehicles passing at 100km/h, feeling the strong winds blowing against your face.

I have no idea why the sudden relaxation. It was as though a part of me was very motivated and determined to get the job done, yet another was dying for a break, to leave things for the next day.

Something's not right. One moment I was going through the pages, checking for errors and adding details to beautify the paper, the next I was preparing for a trip to Dreamland. It went on the whole day, I didn't know how to continue the day, except to give in, head home and continue from there. So far, it's been better, though by not much. Something like this has never happened before.

Tomorrow, if it's going to be the same, I rather spend the first half of the day at home, cycle to school at 11.30, work on a workpiece, carry out a few tests, cycle home at 4.

Could it be that somehow it's linked?No idea what's been with me lately.

3rd Week: Uncertainty

Reaching the next point, it's a recharge station. It's one where you could relax, and ponder over which of the possible routes to take in front of you. Oh, and you're not supposed to stop for a break, even though you would be stuck there for a short moment. I'm there.

My doubts are cleared, I know, and am able to see the deadline drawing closer, I have other things to consider. I have many different options, each with a set of challenges. Some options carry a similar set of challenges, each with a different weight, though in the end the weights sum up to a hundred. If you did your math, yes I have got hundreds of possible routes I could journey forth from this station. Question is, which one?

The present is definitely important, but isn't the future going to be of a greater importance? As much as I would want to live to the fullest, this hour could possible be my last. What happens today, shapes the future. Should I make the move now? Or should I let it linger close to me for a little longer, and making it happen once I'm ready? Many choices, one decision. Many journeys, one future.

I am a dreamer. I'm like a kid. I want the best case for everything, for everything to go smoothly and well, without the slightest possibility of a failure. I see my options through, thoroughly, like a dream. However, whenever I dream, I lose track of my crafting skills, that's where trouble comes.

Last night, I had a dream. Similar to one I had some time back, travelling on a train, and going to some place. This time, I did not know where I was heading with a group of people, don't know how many, but with at least 3 others. It was 11am, the dream started with me entering a train, joining a group of people. As I traveled, somehow I came to know of a few friends. We alighted at an underground station, and we took a bus to somewhere. Throughout, we were having a great conversation, breaking the ice, sharing about our interests. I did not know how it continued or ended as I woke abruptly at 6am.

Unknowingly a little later I fell asleep and this time I was in front of my computer, noticing someone logging in. Wondering who it was, I decided to start a short conversation, which soon developed into something deeper. The alarm rang at 6.30am, and there, soon I was getting ready for school, unable to know how it continued and eventually ended.

How should I go on? I'm ready for the dive, but I'm not sure how I'm going to land. Should I go ahead, or think it over?

4th Panel

If you're soft spoken, you would be deprived of a chance to save your group's reputation when bombarded with questions from the panel. Always knew that, but I would always be left out. Fastest tongues first. Apparently, in my case, fastest did not necessarily mean best answer. I don't know if I should have simply raised my hand, so that my team could let me share my part of the answer with everyone in the room, or do what I did best, step aside, remain silent and observant, noticing time and again, how one answer led the panel on a wild goose chase.

Time management. If time were so merciful, I bet we would all be getting A after A for our assignments and assessments. Though I was determined to do better, the effort I had put in for the past 7 days was still pathetic. Barely a month to go before the common tests, and 20 days before the product has to be 100% complete.

It's over, time to pick my scarred self up, and continue walking. Falling doesn't seem to hurt anymore, which is probably why it's harder to push myself forward. I made the same promise to a few close friends, to do better. I promised myself, straight As with room for only 1 B this semester. I admire, and wonder how a rare breed, who cry when they fall and suffer a minor scratch, pick themselves up after a moment, and sprint, instead of inching forward in what might seem to them to be excruciating pain. Tonight, I shall remain in that muddy spot while I fell this afternoon. Tomorrow, I shall wake, stand up, and make the sprint toward the finish line which seems miles away. I won't give in, till I pass that red line.

4 More Months

4 more months to live, as a Polytechnic student. A week had passed, and it's November. It feels like I had just started on my first semester. I decided to keep the knowledge, discard the attitudes I had towards learning. Start from scratch, and hopefully, accelerate, and take off to what could be a nice finish to my three year journey.

The past week seemed to be an introduction, felt some intensity, but still manageable. Monday felt like a holiday when it shouldn't, since we were struggling to get back on our feet to re-route. The other days, we were making some progress, finally. The real challenge, begins tomorrow. Within a month, I'll need to gather enough momentum through lots of effort, if not, I'll start losing speed the same way I did for the past 4 semesters.

The night before, I celebrated my first Halloween night with the Toasties. Quan, Yee Tat, Hafiz, Dennis, Danial, Zarifah and I went over to Kim's place for dinner, movie and a computer game, all in the name of horror. The journey there wasn't that bad, with the start being kind of nice, when I saw people, young and old, families even all dressed up for a Halloween Celebration at an International school nearby. I realised I was going to be late when I passed Ang Mo Kio Hub at 7pm, when I was supposed to be meeting the group in another 30minutes! I asked a friend for help, so that I could gauge how late I was going to be, and I found out only 10 minutes before I arrived, which was at 7.30pm(without her help). That was, before she disclosed the amount of time I had to travel from my current location that evening till I arrived at the interchange.

Bought dinner after meeting them, and we walked 5 minutes to her home. We watched Mirrors, a movie I heard earlier this year at the loft, if I'm not wrong, Melissa was re-telling a movie to a group of us, and that particular movie fitted everything she described! 10.30pm, we went to take a trip down to a hotel, for a cyber night walk.

The journey home, I was wondering if I could make it back without being overly suspicious of my surroundings. Things went rather fine, and I took the unlikely last 147 home last night at 11.40pm, 10 minutes after the last bus had departed for Clementi. 2 hours and 20 minutes later, I got home. That's when the real fear got to me. Last night, I took a bath in the bathroom which had the smallest mirror, and slept with the lights on. Hopefully it won't be the same tonight. I had never watched a horror movie before, and that was my first.

Anyway, I had a dream this morning, where it was somewhere in December, during the common test period. There was a werewolf 'virus' loose in campus, started by an unknown person. Each day, a close friend of the werewolf would be hunted down right after the paper. Just observe, a group of students running down that slope each day in school. Shortly after, that stretch of road becomes completely deserted, and you hear a long, loud howl. Shortly after, you could hear slow, loud panting from a human, except you could expect it wasn't human. Once it spots someone it recognized, it charged forth, claiming its prey.

On a Thursday, one of my classmates was IT. We had a paper the next day, so we could be sure that the 'virus' was here to stay, at least till Sunday. There was a cure, but I woke up before I could learn what it was. For the paper, I left the moment the paper was done, and since I had a second paper in the afternoon, I stayed at the co-op stall in the new building. It was red, so I had the thought it would be safe there, at least. Oh and for some reason, the werewolf would strike only 5 minutes after a paper had ended, and each time, it ran down the hill. However, no one knows how or when the victim would revert to his or her normal self after that. A short description would be it had a nice coat of dark grey, white and black fur (imagine a German Shepherd dog standing 2 meters tall) and once it started running, one could hardly trace it with his or her own eyes. All it took, was to be bitten or scratched, to become the next IT. A group of friends came to join me soon afterward. Since the group of us stayed around the same place, we decided to meet there at 4.50pm, and regardless or whether anyone was late, we would leave at that time. I left the room at 4.30pm with a few others. Foolishly, we all walked down the hill, since I told them I was going to the new block 73. I met my friends there, and while my friend was paying for a drink he bought, another friend who was there with us, started to morph. Everyone dashed out. One of my friends looted a few snacks and bottles of drink before we made it out to the main road. I woke up when I noticed IT charging to the bus stop.

It's November tomorrow. Barely a month to go. I don't really care if it'll become a reality. I just want to do what I can, with what I have and know...

First Camp of my First Polytechnic CCA

Today I just attended the first camp of my first CCA in the Polytechnic. Kind of a bad time, as I'm recuperating from a bad sore throat. Met up with Yee Tat and Kim outside the library to help them with the printing of stuff for the Ngee Ann Polytechnic Student Toastmasters Camp 2010, the first Toastmasters Camp in Ngee Ann.

It was the first time we planned a camp together, and it was also the first time I was part of the organizing committee of a camp. I was doubling up as the media crew and first aider for the camp.

So far the first day went well, though there was a major hiccup with the accommodation, but other than that, everything else went really well! My final Semester Vacation at Ngee Ann Polytechnic is coming to an end in less than 2 weeks, and I feel as though my motivation is increasing at breakneck speed under increasing acceleration, as I make it to the start line for my final sprint.

If only...no, I can do it.

FYP Transition

It's Monday again. I rather have the blues, than to be recovering from a flash fever that striked early Sunday morning, shortly after the thunder storm arrived. Had planned to start my headstart into the final leg of my polytechnic education that morning, but, it just came. It's the third time this year already.

Had trouble falling asleep on Sunday morning, so I decided to go look up some stuff for the project. It helped a little, and I finally went to lay down in bed. There was some kind of warmth I had been feeling since 10 on Saturday night, but it wasn't the kind of warmth that was feverish. 12am, it subsided. 2.45am, in bed, I felt rather queasy. Tried to sleep, which I did for only an hour at best. When I woke, I was shivering badly, felt the world spinning as though I was taking a ride at a theme park attraction(the spinning tea cup ride). Tried to sleep it off, but found it hard as I was afraid I would throw up(my stomach seemed to be very uncomfortable at certain positions). In the end, I simply lay flat in bed, waiting for 6am to arrive. 5.45am, I gave up waiting, and went to take a bath, before I finally fell asleep, for 2 hours. Finally took some medication, and slept all the way till 11am. Felt well, except that when I got up and tried moving around, it felt heavy.

At least this morning when I was woken up by a weird dream at 5.45am, I felt almost well again, though I still felt heavy. Dreamt that I was still at the F1 event, instead of working, I was among the spectators at the paddock this time round. Can't really remember much, except that all the drivers carried bananas in their hands after exiting. What was amazing was, the top 3 drivers switched cars that had no engines, or bicycles that had been modified to look like the normal F1 cars, for their victory lap.

The second dream I dreamt after waking, was more realistic? I was walking to the market 500m away from home with a shopping list in hand, but somehow I entered a fast food restaurant(maybe it was a food court, can't remember either, but it looks like the KFC at West Mall) later on, and shortly after I found myself following someone(can't remember if it was a kid or someone else) to a few blocks of flats, before I lost him or her at one of the void decks. I started running, and headed back for the fast food restaurant, after I remembered I forgot to pick up the food I ordered. When I left again, I saw some decorated truck(like those used in funeral processions) and for some reason, I remembered I should not be running since I was still recovering from my fever(a result of lucid dreaming).

Went to school today, things seemed well, except that the weather wasn't on our side today. After spending 3 hours in school, I felt it returning. I find it rather weird, since for the past 2 times, I recovered fully from the flash fevers within 12 hours. Went home with the smaller lens to do my own testing over the weekend, and after the storm clouds came, I took a bath, and went to get some sleep. In the evening, planned on what to do next with my dad.

Tomorrow, it's a visit to the dentist once again, though I doubt I'll be removing my braces before the end of the year. Maybe before June next year?

Feeling a little guilt each time I message when the sun is in the sky, but yet I still find myself typing away on the keyboard. Why is that?

Injury Day

The day I felt as though I was being bombarded with 'hurt' missiles. First one came at 5.58am. I was on high alert when I slept the night before, since today's Childrens' Day! Ok, not. I only wanted to make sure I had received an sms of my results, but I wouldn't want to read it till at least 10am when I'm half awake(usual when I have slept for 10 hours). He woke me with an invitation to have dim sum with a group of friends next week. Really apprectiate the offer, but sadly I can't attend due to a school event on the same day. I really did want to see my results till 10am, after enjoying another 4 hours of peace.

Typed my worries into a message, and sent it to a friend, who said it like someone talking in his sleep, except that it was in the form of a message. Oh well, at least it helped!

7am till 9am, my mum was trying to get me out of bed, to get to school to get some progress on my project. I did not dare break the news till I came home, so I just made it seem as though I wanted to just sleep the morning away. It worked. Before that, I was dreaming of my results. I remember there was one where I got nothing more than straight Cs, another I got what I hoped for, As and Bs. And the last, I dreamt I woke at 12pm, and my parents were home talking about my attitude and why I haven't left home for school, leaving me no chance to check my results. The moment she left home for my grandma's after I woke at 9.45, I looked at my results. Simply horrible. Nothing else to say. I deserved it in a way. It's the worst result I had ever had since I started my polytechnic journey. I had been holidaying for the past 12 months. It is time to wake from the dream, and chase it from where I left off 2 years ago.

In the afternoon, I kept making careless mistakes while still affected by my results, resulting in a scratch, crushing my own finger, burning another finger, and temporary blindness from staring at the intense light for way too long. Even till now, I'm seeing a tiny green shadow somewhere in the middle of my sight. However, that did not stop me from going on an 11km run and finishing it in 63minutes and 24 seconds.

The weekend, is no longer there for relaxation. 3 weeks to the start of my final semester(I don't want it to be the last in my educational journey). It's time to prove that I have what it takes to make it to a university. Plans. Local, definitely Engineering, or something related to Interior Design. Overseas, Highly likely it's going to be Engineering or Interior Design, or Medicine(nothing's impossible ya).

Making it known, I feel better.

First Work Experience

Extreme. The first day alone was enough to kill, but the friends I made there was what kept me going. A great experience I won't forget, although it was a job I didn't enjoy due to my quiet nature, it has indeed made me stronger, one way or another. I knew I was going to be very tired at the end of each day, but I never expected I would fare so badly to be the first to fall from exhaustion every night.

On the way home the last night, I wondered. If I had a family, perhaps, I should be the sole breadwinner. As long as I enjoyed what I did, and I could provide for everyone, I wouldn't mind spending only the weekends with them.

Today, it's back to school, and things did not go well. We were unable to carry out our experiments as the sun was blocked by the clouds, preventing us from locating the focal point of the lens from our structure.

First Day at My First Job

After procrastinating for 3 years, I finally got a vacation job. Went to do some stock taking and packing. It's very similar to the sorting period of Operation Juvi, except that this time the manpower was less than half than the night shift of the operation carried out back in July, and we were dealing with more than just clothes! We came across many merchandises, and started making our very own "to buy" list! Somewhere on the job, I guess I over exerted myself, and caused the injury that had almost recovered from the NAPFA test, to return. Hope I can recover before returning to work again later in the week, where the real fun begins.

That aside, I took a super long journey home again, by bus. I started off at 6.05pm at Aljuned on board SBS 40 bound for Bedok(my self declared regional bus terminal), arriving at 6.42pm. I waited for SBS 14 instead of 196 and 7 which were also bound for Clementi Temporary Interchange, though those 2 buses came way earlier at such high frequencies, as I wanted to see how it would be possible for me to travel home via that bus service if I happened to drop by Sean's place in future. At 6.53pm, the bus arrived, and the first thing I saw out the window, was the moon, almost showing it's full roundness. 2 more days to the Mid-Autumn Festival, which would mean a full moon.

The journey on the bus alone lasted 2 full hours! Adding the total travel time and waiting times together, I would have spent a total of 3hours, or 180 minutes(a new record)! With that, I can safely declare that I can survive the journey on board a budget airline to the neighbouring countries without much problems(even if I was very hungry before the flight). I had dinner only after I reached home at 8.45pm.

Tomorrow, it's back to school for my Final Year Project.

Felt like calling, as there's much to say, but on second thought, I guess I should just hold on till the weekend. You deserve your fair chance in your final sprint too, just like everyone else.