Yet Again

*Reader discretion is advised

It's been 6 years since I first felt it. 6 years later, I still find myself running away from the lights of it. Once again, I find that I could no longer hold it in till it's the time to let it out. "Hey, since you managed to resist that temptation for 6 full months last year, I'm sure you'll be able to go through it once again, this time with less troubles. I know you can!" I had always thought that I could take the stress, but it ended up all the same, I can't clear the exams partially because of that. I know, that now that school life has changed, so has the extent of its strength. So, should I just play on like nothing has ever happened, or should I face up to reality, coldly expressing it, regardless of the outcome which could cause a great deal of pain and damage? After being lost for a week now, a dream the night before led me a step closer to my much-sought after answers.

It was the first day of a new school semester. While walking with friends to class, I met a close friend. I was ignored. "Maybe you should just keep searching, my friend, I'm sorry, but I think that your time has not arrived yet. Oh, and don't mind me, but maybe in ten years time, you might still be the same, still searching for the right one. Ha, or maybe, you'll never get a chance to build your own nest." I just wasn't bold enough. But, I have face up to the emptiness that's inside, and defeat it once and for all, so that we can be one. During lunch, it was raining heavily. We sat together as always, but, all I felt was, the emptiness from within, slowly consuming me with each foolish thought that ran through my mind.

It was 11am when I finally woke from that dream. So, I decided. I Will do something about it. Never mind the pain. Never mind the loss. As long as the bonds of friendship remains just like what happened 5 months back, I would not lose anything. Tonight, if I am still fully awake, I had better consult a friend whose had experienced similar incidents for some time now, for advice.

I always have the tendency to think about others before making my move, so much to the extent that I worry too much about their well being that I end up doing nothing to change things.
But somehow, that part of me never showed itself under such circumstances. Three times. Three times I prepared to make the flight, three times I never got near to making it happen. In time, it's going to be my fourth. Although I never want to fail again, I want to be sure. I want to be sure about whether I am able to maintain my flight, and whether I will be able to find a place to build the nest later on. Now, as much as I want to take off, I am definitely not ready to shoulder all that burden. I have never ventured that far out before, but that reason alone, is no reason for me to take things easy.

Guess I never asked about the way you felt. Wanted to do that, but was afraid of falling into the depths. Wish that we could be together alone, but, was afraid of making you feel awkward. I wonder, how long more must I take, before I can become a better person and unleash my potential that's been asleep in me for so long?



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On Vacation'08-Part 1

Yep! The holidays have officially started this week, and it's been a busy week so far. Oh, before we go on, this is the first of a weekly seven part series, on every Friday. Bringing weekly updates into the holidays as we progress into the next semester. The first week, was like a catapult on an aircraft carrier, propelling me into the holiday mood.

Monday-Tuesday:
The first ever class outing on this vacation seemed a great way to kick off this vacation, as we had a 2 day 1 night stay at a chalet at Downtown East. Met up with Yin Feng at 1.55pm, before An Yan came and we took a bus to the resort to meet up with the rest who were already waiting to check into the chalet. The chalet was way smaller than the one at Aloha resort, which was at least three times larger than our current one. There was a barbecue, followed by games and a drinking session? As the sun set, so did the aura of darkness overcome its chains that bore it down during the day. There were many parties being held, and playful pranks were in abundance, though the mess was expected, that did not stop a large group of students on a study trip to stay at the resort. As the place became darker, so did the intensity of some of the celebrations. All that I would say that, some things were unprecedented, but have taught us many lessons. At 10.40pm, Jian Hui,Jun Jie and I escorted Hamzi and Janna to the MRT Station and taxi stand respectively. That was due to past experience of what my friends experienced earlier this year, that we decided to do the same just in case something similar happened. As we approached midnight,I noticed that the place was sort of broken into three small parts(I related to them as the partying area, the middle line and the peaceful zone). We were in the Middle Line, as we were in the middle of the chalets of the partying students and those where tourists and students stayed at for the night. That night, a series of events brought us closer together, as well as a series of lessons that we will never forget.

Wednesday:
Today would have to be the day that I found courage to go for my first job interview. I had a strange, monotonous tone during the interview, which I had never experienced before. Strange. Well, till today, I have yet to receive a call that I have been selected for the job later during the vacation. Anyway, if by next Friday i have not received a call, I doubt I would have the time to get a job, and would be back to studying in preparation for the next semester's modules. After the interview, I decided to have a preview of the Comex, by walking to Funan to take a look at the games,earphones and tablet add-ons for my laptop. The pricing for some of the products were reasonable, but,I thought that maybe I would get those gadgets if I had received my pay, should I get a job. Headed home at 6pm.

Thursday:
8 days before the registration for Basic German 102(sequel to the Basic German enrichment programme that ended last semester) closes. I went back to school for the registration at 3pm, but sadly, I forgot the last digit of the pin. Oh crap. This was the third time I had forgotten something as important as that. The first time wasn't that important as it was a game, the second time, it was for the gym, the third was my password for my library account. This is the fourth, and I promised myself, today, would be the last time I would forget something as vital as the ATM PIN. With all that free time left, I headed to Suntec Convention Centre for Comex 2008. I happened to meet Darren by coincidence at the fourth floor. He was there with his dad and sis. The booth layout for the fair was alot better with more space for walking, but, one thing that was missing this time round, was the presence of good deals for computer accessories. Maybe that was due to the fact that today was the first day of the fair. After two hours, I reached home at 6pm.

Friday:
Today, met up with Andy and Zhong Rong at 7.45 at Lakeside MRT Station before going back to Yuan Ching to watch the Teachers' Day performance. there was a new segment, the school's new mass dance. Though I did not know how to go about doing it, the thought of mass dance brought back memories from the first month spent at MI. I'm wondering how the teachers who took the effort to take us on a tour into the realm of life in a JC, are doing. It's been 6 months since I last entered the school gates, though I still see it occasionally as I used to live there more than 10 years ago.

Anyway, back to the performance, it's still the same as the previous years, although there were not as many performances put up by the main performing arts groups. The class parties were brought down, to be held at the intra-school level, so as to liven up the celebration, and also to allow teachers to be with more than one class at any one time. Kudos to the organising committee for overlooking those factors.

This was proven by some of the teachers we met today, and this year, the school saw many former students coming back to see their teachers. I must say, that today was almost like a reunion for 4E1, with at least three quarters of the class being present in school today. Mr Liew even joked about going to one of the classrooms for a recap on differentiation and integration to bring back the memories we shared during his lively lessons which I till miss till today.

At 1pm, Andy,Randall, Gabriel, Chong Siang and I left for Boon Lay after collecting our testimonials and certificates. Andy had to head home to get ready for his swimming training, while the rest of us headed to Jurong Point for lunch. At 2pm, Randall and I left for the bank to reset my ATM PIN, before we went to Singapore Polytechnic so that he could submit a form for a camp. We the took bus 74 to Ngee Ann Polytechnic for my second attempt to make the payment for the Basic German 102 course. At first, the machine could not read the card which caused quite a scare, but on the second attempt, I finally successfully made the registration! Now, we went on to Vivocity to help Sean(MI friend) search for a high grade perfume that fetched a 3-digit price tag. Well then, I'm sorry, but exactly what errand I was running for Sean, must be kept a secret till who knows when. This afternoon, one thing I noticed was, every time he answered the phone with a smile, you could almost be sure that he was enjoying precious moments with someone precious. And today was no exception as well.

Randall and I rushed back to Clementi at 5.40pm to get ready for a small reunion dinner. After that at 8pm, the group of us who sat together for dinner went to the sports complex for 2 hours of billiards. Randall and I left early as we were too tired to continue. many Thanks to Randall for accompanying me for the whole afternoon today!!

Right now, I realised that I am feeling lost again. Would I meet that person soon? Is that person already in my life, just waiting for me to take notice? I have got no idea, and I seem to have lost my resolve in holding the bow and arrow, which could be the explanation to why I am feeling lost. Perhaps, dreams could help me see the answers to these questions, and hep me overcome these times once again.

A day ago,
we exchanged greetings.
A week ago,
We engaged in conversations.
A month ago,
We went almost everywhere together.
A year later,
Would those times still be there?

One day,
We met.
Every week,
We promised to be together always.
Each Month,
We would catch up on lost time.
A year,
Could our hopes last?

No one knows for sure what exactly could happen next. For now, I will just keep searching for the answers, hoping that one day, I would definitely find the precious stone and treasure it like there was no tomorrow.

Premature start to the holidays

Today's only the 9th day of the 2 study and examination weeks, and our class has already started celebrating with an afternoon spent at Sentosa's Siloso Beach. However, although our class has already inished our examinations, some friends who are from the other courses have yet to complete theirs. Some are completing their last papers tomorrow, while others will complete theirs on Friday, the last day of the examinations.

This morning, at the bus stop, I met a friendly bus captain at the bus stop, who recommended me a cake shop which sold really good cakes somewhere in Bedok. I guess I should really head down to try out the cakes, and perhaps buy some back home too, and if they're really delicious, maybe I could get a whole cake for a birthday party.

AN hour later at 12.30pm, met up with Jian Hui, Jun Jie, Izzat, Kisho, An Yan, Janna and Nura at Vivocity, before taking the Sentosa Express over to Beach Station, where we walked down to Siloso Beach. We set up our mats under a tree, and went for a game of beach volleyball. Well, today was the first time I tried the sport, but it seemed that I ws able to control the ball without much difficulty, perhaps because I learnt the basics back in secondary school? After that went for a dip in the sea, so as to prevent myself from getting sun burnt(it proved to be really useful, as it turned out that I might be the only one from the group who escaped being sun burnt). At 2.30pm, we cooked. Yes, we did cook, with solid fuel, a stove and 2 mass tins. To some tourists, we might have looked a like bunch of fools taking along packets of instant noodles to a beach. But, we did have fun cooking as well as finishing our dishes, for we had saved some bucks on service charge and GST.

After lunch, we continued on with our game of volley ball as well as into the water to cool ourslves down to escape from the afternoon heat that ws bearing us down. At 6pm, we left for the Luge for a short ride. The luge ride down to the finish point was refreshing in a way, and there were some nice scenes during the ride to the starting point! Jun Jie said that he was able to drift on the track as there were many sharp bends, but I'm not sure if it the craft could drift.

Some photographs taken today:




We left Vivocity again at 6.40pm, this time for a proper meal. At 8pm, only Jian Hui, Jun Jie, An Yan, Janna and I were the only ones left, so we decided to follow Janna on her hour-long shopping spree, which was considered to be one to the shortest so far. Anyway, the actual holidays only start next week. So what to do for these few days before the holidays start? Well, maybe I should continue to find a job, or maybe I should just search for some games to play online?

Return of the long-term break

The holidays have arrived again! Yes, this time, standing at 8 weeks(including this week), it's longer and perhaps, far better than the long break after the PAE period. This might seem all too appealing to the JC students, but, I don't really like the luxury of extremely long breaks, as it greatly reduces and kills the momentum that has been building up for the past 4 months. I' m considering getting a job for the first time during the break, but, I'm also not sure if I'm up for it.

Anyway, today's paper, was, as expected, the easiest among the three. Yet, ironically this was also the module that I spent the least amount of time to study for. Compared to the 10 hours I spent on Math, 6 hours I spent on Electrical Technology, I spent a meagre 1 hour on Mechanics alone. And that 1 hour of revision was done only yesterday. The language used in that paper was somewhat similar to the standard used in the "O" Level Additional Mathematics papers. Just read the question, and you would know right away what kind of question you were going to face. The Mathematics paper, for most of the time, all you had to do was simply to look at the question to know how you were going to answer the question. I would still say that the Electrical Technology paper was the most challenging, whereby each question carried a certain level of difficulty. And, true enough, this paper was definitely many times tougher than the common test which was held 2 months back. However, there is one thing in common in two of the three papers. The last question was always the one that would kill off the average students, who simply revise jut enough to pass the respective modules. The last question in both the Mathematics and Mechanics papers carried a total of 12 marks, which meant the difference between an extremely low A grade and a Distinction grade.The mathematics question proved itself to be one of the toughest any student who took the module had ever come across. As for the Mechanics paper, it was simple on first glance. But, if one were to do the calculations on paper in black and white, one would find the solution to the question to be extremely tedious, thus running a high risk of making a careless mistake.

On the whole, I will definitely secure a decent A+ grade, if not, I might be able to get my first AD grade.After the exam, half of the class headed to West Mall to catch the movie, Money No Enough 2. I won't say that the movie was not good, nor was it excellent either, though visibly, there were a handful of great actors and actresses in there. Though touching at times, the jokes also managed to pack quite a punch, creating a great ambiance at the start.

I headed home at 3.30pm, before heading to the nature park for a run after the rain, which proved to be a very big mistake. Firstly, I did not place the pedometer in the correct position in my pocket, which resulted in reading only 0.673 kilometers and less than 900 steps. Next, the frequent sprints every few hundred meters made me feel so weak that I felt like collapsing shortly after reaching home. Now, I'm down with a mild fever. So, I guess tomorrow, I might have to end up giving up on going on the Sentosa trip with the rest of the class. Even if I could Make it there tomorrow, I doubt I will have much energy for some of the activities there as well.

A leap throught time

This post was meant for yesterday...

Yesterday marked the start of the examination of the first semester. Just like back at the "O" Levels, the first paper was a Mathematics paper. It seemed easy at first, but, as you progressed along, one would feel as though he was scaling the height of K2. The last question practically killed almost everyone in the examination room. 12 Marks just to prove who could get the "AD" grade. What kind of madness was that?If my calculations were correct, I would be able to manage a maximum of 84 marks, which would secure an A grade. However, if the marker was strict, I would have to make do with 70 marks, which carries the B+ grade.

After the paper, I headed home to clear my mind of the ordeals of that paper by taking a short nap, followed by more revision for the next paper, Electrical Technology, at 3pm. I was still messing up the formulae for Electromagnetism and some other concepts. Although I managed to clear part of my doubts through the last paper that I tried, there was still the minor portions of the module that I had yet to clear. After an hour and thirty minutes at 4.30pm, I went to turn the TV on, out of boredom(I had lost my drive in revision after getting most of the tougher questions wrong on the first attempt). I happened to catch the third, fourth and part of the fifth match between Team Singapore's Women's Table Tennis Team against the South Korean Team. Well, it seemed to be going quite well after watching the fifth match, so I though maybe I should go for a short run(I planned earlier on Wednesday to measure the distance I covered on the route yesterday). My dad accompanied me on the first 1.5 km, and I continued on the remaining 3.5 after we reached the traffic light before the nature reserve. We set off at 6pm. As we covered the route, there were lots of occasional cheering from the nearby cluster of blocks of flats. From there, I could already tell that Singapore was just inches away from the window that would grant the city-state her first Olympic medal in 48 years(first ever since independence in fact).

Somehow, I managed to pace myself such that I covered 5 kilometers in 20 minutes, which was really surprising, as I had walked part of the distance and even waited at for the traffic lights to turn green twice. Maybe I should go for a second attempt on Monday to be doubly sure that I had covered exactly 5 kilometers yesterday. And upon reaching home, the Singapore women's' Table Tennis team really defeated the South Koreans to enter the finals! CONGRATS!!This also grants Singapore at least a silver medal in this year's Olympic games in Beijing.

On to today....

This morning, the second paper was Electrical Technology, another tough paper. Although the paper of somewhat manageable, I made a serious blunder at the 3rd question, which cost me 6 marks. If not for that question, I would be able to be assured of at least an A grade, but now, like the Mathematics paper yesterday, I run the risk of scoring between 75 and 84 marks for this paper. The last paper's on Monday, and that would be my last chance to turn the table around for this semester.

After the exam, went with the rest of the class for lunch, before heading to the library to get Jian Hui teach me the fundamentals of torque(a crucial topic if I wanted to get at least an A+ grade), before I head home with Jenere at 1.30pm.

Slept till 5.40pm, before I got ready to go for dinner at a restuarant at Velocity with my relatives. The food sure was delicious! Thanks alot! And, I guess I got another job offer, this time as a phone promoter, but I'm still not sure if I should head out to work, or just stay at home to enjoy life and relax as much as I can till the nest semester. I don't wish to repeat the same mistake of relaxing too much like this term, which has already potentially caused my loss in 3 A grades this semester.

Tomorrow's going to be one heck of a day, with the last chance to get at least an A+ grade on Monday(to make things easier, the Mechanics paper is always one of the easiest to do extremely well in, so the chances of getting full marks for that paper are pretty high).

2 days to the "Three Course Meal"

Firstly, Happy Belated 43 Years to Singapore~

Been some time since I typed about something in here. Let's start from Friday again. First up, the photos(Taken from Andy's blog)!!


The largest reunion since the start of the year(I bet the next one on August 29Th would be bigger)

Kim Fong, Andy and me
The whole group of us

Picture with Mr Foo

The temporary canteen(A sea of RED)

Picture with Miss Lee
(I still don't have the guts to pronounce her full name like the others)


Picture with Miss Ker


Anyway, on to Saturday, Went for lunch at a country club, guess I forgot the name of the country club and the restaurant, though we're going to another branch on Saturday. After that, went home, took a short break, before heading down to Lido Cineplex in Orchard to watch the Dark Knight with my cousins. Pretty nice show, with a balance mix of lines and action. At around 7pm, we went to the car park to get into the cars. Just then, one of the Black Knights' F-16 fly over the building! So, first, we saw the Dark Knight, then after that, we sighted a Black Knight. How cool was that?


So next day, I took a short break, before the real intensive revision started on Monday. On Monday, there were students who came over to practice the piano in preparation for the examinations. So, while that was going on, I memorised all the formulae or the 3 papers, of which the first paper would be on this Friday.


Yesterday and today, was plain revision. Raced against time to complete my papers within an hour. Did Mathematics in the morning, followed by ELTech in the afternoon. As for today, it was almost the same, except that I did something I have not done since February. I finally had the chance to go on a 4km long run. After going on the first 2km at around 11 km/h, I could not hold on any longer. By the way, I have not included the incline of the distance covered in the nature park. So, I guess it could be more than four kilometers.


Right now, my legs are hurting. I had never felt them hurt that badly since the long distance cycle a few months back. Anyway, tomorrow it's going to be one heck of a day, with only Mathematics revision going on for close to one full day.Maybe we should make that, slightly more than half a day, at around 12 hours. So, for now, it's 2 days and counting...


Is it going to come soon? Or would it be fine to just let it go, and no one would notice? Or, wait. I might be able to do something about it, yet no one would notice anything...

National Day '08

This week, was actually, extremely unpredictable. First, I started habering random thoughts(the kind I never thought of before, but fre not, they are not the foolish kind of thoughts). Then, on Monday and Tuesday, things seemed to be going real well, but then, on Wednesday, disater struck. That's the first time I failed in something that I had so much confidence in. Yesterday seemed to be the only fine day, when I could do things normally. Anyway, the other days are over, so perhaps I should worry about those things afer te examinations, and concentrate on the up coming exams which is in less than a week's time. Tonight, I realised that I am not really myself, but still, I have got no idea exactly what it is.


On to today, I finally have the chance to return toYuan Ching again. Met up with Darren at 8.25 before joining up with the others at the bus stop. We then adjourned to school. Things have changed so much. The school budget seemed to have increased, and they have upped the number of vending machines by 3 from 1 to 4. For the first time after leaving the school, there was no parade, nor was there any performances. Well, at least the school kept that 4 year old tradition of having a carnival to raise funds for the school. Andy also gave his valedictory speech oday upon receiving the Most Outstanding 'O' Level result award and the All Rounder Award. And, Mr Hon is back! Yes, he's back, and that would also mean that the school's discipline would be climbing back up to where he initially left it a year ago. After everyone left at 11.20, Randall finally arrived. We headed to the office only to realised the clerk was not around. So, we decided to return on the 29th of August to collect our testimonials and certificates.





We went on to Jurong Point to meet up with Zhong Rong and the others for lunch. Once there, we did not eat anyting as either the queues were way too long or there were not enough seats for us. In he end, the rest of the guys went ahead to town, while Randall, Xiu Wi and I went to SP. Randall and I went for lunch, while Xiu Wei went for her lesson. After that, w went to his classroom to slack or an hour from 1.30 to 2.30pm. After that, I left at 2.30pm fo school, as the last lesson was starting at 3pm. There was a National Day celebration going on at the convention centre, but, it seemed that I din't have time for that as arrived in school right on the dot, and I was already lucky enough to be on time.





Anyway, after tonight, no, maybe after tomorrow night, then I will really start studying. I still want that 4.0!Tonight was also the opening of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing.Oh and photos will be up soon!



Could I be experiencing what some friends know as being emotional? Or, is it some other thing? I have never experience something as advese as this before. Being irritated for a moment, followed by feeling worried during the next and then feeling extrememly high and so on. I feel as though something worse might be coming, but, I have got no idea what could happen next, other than to just take things as they come, which is not really the best way out of things in situations like this. Someone help me please...

Two sides

Today was somewhat slacked, as I had totally left the books at one corner, ignoring the revision schedule for today(if I even had one). Met up with Andy, Damien and Zhong Rog for lunch to celebrate Andy's Belated 17Th birthday at Nihon Mura, Jurong West Sports Complex. Once again, many thanks to Andy for the treat!!The lace seemed pretty new, as when I went over to Andy's place last year, the complex was still under construction. We spent 3 hours on lunch and catching up on lost times. We sat down from 11.30 till around 2.45pm, before Andy walked home, while Zhong Rong and Damien went to Jurong Point for Some arcade racing, and for me, head home to keep some young guests company at home, at least for the next couple of hours before they went home at 6. The journey home took an hour and a half, as I decided to save on transport costs and took the bus instead.

So, headed home, sat down and watched a movie with them, before they went off at 6. had dinner after that, and watched The Day After Tomorrow at 7. Life seemed pretty boring after reaching home because of 1 reason. Tomorrow's going to be the first day I start not even 2 weeks, but 8 days of intense revision. After that, it would be 7 weeks of slacking at home, or perhaps, some occasional outings with friends.

During the course of the movie, random, but sensitive thoughts ran through my mind. And, I met my other self while that was happening. So far, had been giving it names, 3 to be exact.And as for the random thoughts, exactly when they arrived and what they were, well, I'm not really sure, and please accept my sincerest apologies as I don't really wish to mention them here. However, I might share them with you, if you're willing to lend a listening ear.

Maybe it came at the right moment, maybe it did not. Exactly whether it's time or not, I still have no idea, although I know very well that for as long as they're kept in, they'll never get out. So, when the time finally arrives, will I be able to make the right decision?Am I able to do the right things? Damn! Maybe, should I simply wait for that one window to appear, and see how things go from there? Or maybe...