End August'10

The second last day of August. Signifies the time of preparation is almost over. I'm left with the memorization of a list of formulae for Friday's paper. September arrives, a month long of possibly life changing activities and events are coming. Not sure if I'm ready, but I'm prepared to score at least straight Bs. That's the minimum i'll have to manage to continue studying on home ground.

This morning, I was woken up by a simple line after noticing myself sitting at a blue marble chess table at a void deck. A short, dark figure came up to me, saying that she(going by the voice, I guess the figure was a she) and three others were coming to get me. I woke up right after.

A day ago, I had another dream. This was rather weird, but yet it seemed very possible. I was at a road crossing at a city with sky scrapers with no vehicles on the road, and only a few other people walking along the streets. Suddenly there were fighter jets in the sky, but they weren't targeting anything, just flying in the sky. They were grey triangles, with borders painted green, yellow or red. They landed with their vertices facing the sky.

I woke up, rolled around in bed, yet I was still in the dream. When I fell asleep again, I was in some government building, being led into a conference hall as a minister. The prime minister went up on stage to give a speech, when someone in the crowd stood up and pointed a gun at her, demanding that all officials leave the hall, leaving the ministers and himself in the hall. We sat down in a circle, and got down to business. In fact, the discussion went on without any hostility. The discussion had been going on for 30 minutes,when things took a turn for the worse. The man started demanding things that seemed impossible for us to do as a government. I can't remember what he demanded, but we managed to resolve other stuff he brought up on behalf of the people. At some point, he took out his gun again, and I took mine out in an act of defence to the prime minister. She took my gun and threw it on the floor. He fired a shot which missed, as I knocked her off her seat. We both fell to the ground. Before I could reach out for the gun, he shot me in the bottom thrice(I know it's a weird place to be shot at), one penetrating my right wrist. I woke up right away, somehow still feeling the pain in my wrist, with disappeared after awhile.

I went back to sleep again. This time, I was a student in a school, who was attending a sports class. I was transferred from another sport, to swimming. There were two groups, but I did not know which to join, so I just went to the nearest group of bags at the pool to put down my belongings, and went to a hall one floor up to join the cohort. An instructor noticed me and asked me to go bring my belongings back up, and join the students who were getting changed. I did not bring my swim attire that day, so I could only go as far as the second activity, which was to have my body mass recorded. It was a good thing, since the swimming training was really tough from the looks of it.

Well, that's about it. Tomorrow, I'll be going back to my Secondary School, and maybe my Primary School if no one's going for lunch tomorrow.

18 days to the end of 3.1

It's been far too relaxing, there's just 6 days to the exams. YOG's over, so I should be into the study mood by now. More or less done for the modules, except for the part on remembering the formulae.

Drove alone twice this week, and it sure was fun. The afternoon might just be the best time to drive, as the roads are mainly occupied by buses, taxis, and a few other vehicles at any one time. Chances of being horned at by an impatient driver are relatively low.

Nothing much have been going on this week, but I'm sure once this weekend is over, things would start pouring in, so I had better try to clear as much as I can by Monday. Might be returning to the secondary and primary schools on Tuesday, some of our Filipino friends would be landing at Changi this Wednesday, Thursday I'll probably be doing some last minute memorising for the first paper on Friday. The weekends would be spent in school.

Mid August'10

So far, August has been great. Not too stressful, not too relaxed, just the right pace.

On Saturday I went for my first fireworks photo shoot with classmates and friends. Learnt quite a lot of stuff, but found it really hard to apply. I was given a piece of black paper, something that was used if I wanted to shoot just one explosion in the night sky. Most of us used a remote, as the shuttle speed was set to the user-defined setting, also known as the BULB mode, where one would just hold down the shutter button for as long as he or she pleased. At the start, I simply thought all I had to do was to just press, and release. For the first wave of fireworks, all I had were photographs of nothing but black. As the time went by, I guess I did better, managing to catch some of the explosions, with 2 to 3 good ones. The segment where the Phoenix mother ship, with the torch bearer on-board, was escorted by her 10 Dragon Boat escorts, was definitely the coolest hands-down. However, the fireworks simply sucked. Compared to the National Day Parade's fireworks, the arrangement for the finale was more disappointing. Yes, the variety was there, but the duration just simply wasn't.

As I was unable to get my hands on the closing ceremony ticket, I shall be joining them again on the 26th.

The coming week was spent solely on our final year project. We did make some progress, and all that's left is the report, some experiments to determine the finalized product, and the manufacturing.

Yesterday, was probably the most eventful day in August. It was also the day I was blur as a sotong. In the morning, I woke at 8am, and took my time to turn on my laptop. It took me 10 minutes to realise I had a dental appointment at the National Dental Centre 9am, and I had not done anything, except to turn my laptop on. As a result, I arrived at 9.20am. When asked for my Identification number, I recited my Student Card Number. Twice. In addition, I let out a loud "huh" when I realised I was reciting the wrong set of numbers. In the end, she simply passed me my queue number. 5 minutes later, I was in. 10 minutes after that, I was back out, getting my appointment. For some reason, I blindly requested to have my appointment pushed back to 5th October from 30th September, although I was able to make it on both dates.

I took a bus home, and it rained heavily just as I made my transfer home. As I left home in a hurry earlier, I brought nothing but my gate key(I had it detached from the key chain as I went for a run the evening before), phone, and wallet. Without an umbrella, I waited 15 minutes for the rain to reduce its intensity before I walked home, only to find myself locked out at 11.15am. My mum had taken my relatives to the museums for a visit, and would only be back at 4pm.

I took an umbrella, went to take a bus to my dad's workplace. 10 minutes after arriving at 11.40am, I drove us out for lunch at a market nearby, before doing some grocery shopping, and headed home. At 2pm, I went to the Jurong Regional Library to do a quick research on some stuff related to the final year project, from 3pm to 3.50pm. I had thought the few of us would be meeting at 5pm instead of 4 in school to prepare a surprise. After some confirmation, it was indeed 4pm as stated a few nights before.

Once in school, I found myself going back out to purchase a few stuff at King Albert Park. 40minutes later, I was back at the venue at 5.25pm. We were preparing a birthday surprise for our club mentor. He came by the back door. I happily took my time to paste the photographs onto a large card. He asked a friend to get some cash ready to purchase some refreshments to break fast with our fellow Muslim members. He walked past. We saw each other in the eye. He went in. Awkward silence. Well, at least the night went extremely well, and he apparently forgot about the card, until we brought it in to be presented to him

Today, our group had a 3-hour meeting at the library to plan for our design and the manufacture of our product. We even met our lecturer and supervisor who were there to get a few books! I went home, and slept the afternoon away after a short revision. Woke up at 5.30, before going for an evening run. Covered 8km in 50 minutes, by far the best timing this month.

This afternoon from 4.30 till 5.30pm, I revisited an old dream. It felt kind of weird, almost as if I was dreaming in a dream, yet I felt awake the whole time. In the dream, I was with my neighbours, relatives and parents, going to Malaysia on a holiday to stay at a bungalow. Here's the thing. Apparently, I was the only child, and the only one who looked my age, my parents looked a few years younger. My neighbours are supposed to be around my age, but in the dream, they looked like 5 or 6 year olds. Everyone else was the same, except that the cars we travelled in belonged to the 90s.

We arrived at 9am, and at 12pm, a young child wanted to trek along an abandoned railway to the country side. instead of by car, with 3 toy pushcarts stockpiled with snacks, drinks and clothes. We were going to stay at a country club till 6pm. My parents said that we had visited the place before when I was younger, except that now they had built a country club near there(they did not even mention my brothers, who were apparently non-existent in that dream... The railway hike experience was a revisit of one of my dreams when I was somewhere between 3-5 years, where I had this white cart with a yellow seat on one end and a long, blue handle on another).One way, the journey would take an hour. This was the thing. We had to walk along the tracks, and about a kilometre to our destination, we had to pay a toll at the first booth. The guard stationed there was short, old and grumpy. The second booth sold drinks and snacks. The journey there seemed rather easy. Until we reached the toll booth. the kid ran past the guard, and as our carts were all connected, we were unable to stop. He started to chase us, and he eventually caught up when we stopped at the second booth to buy drinks. We paid him, and continued on.

Why I had thought it was a dream in a dream, was simply because the country club looked like the Singapore Zoo and Botanical Gardens combined, and it was in Malaysia, facing the sea. What's more, the place even had a golf course, with some holes located at the gardens and the zoo! A friend hired a buggy for us to travel around in. I decided to walk through the zoo, and we caught an elephant feeding session, before I hopped back on so that we could complete a tour of the place.

We went back to our starting point, which was a canteen facing a large swimming pool. Not too far in the horizon was the beach. We had a nice afternoon chat with some tea, coffee and biscuits. At 4pm, there was a warning. Yellow lights were lit and an air raid siren was heard. My uncle told us that the place prone to sudden gusts of wind, a result of the vast open area of the country club. In a moment, it came, and the whole structure shook as though there was an earthquake. After the winds stopped, we saw water sprouts appearing near the beach. I counted out loud for everyone. There were 6 or 7 of them, and they were big. We did not feel any danger, so we went for a short walk nearby. I followed, but went back after awhile. Back at the canteen, I saw someone familiar by the balcony, and went out to confirm it. She was roughly 1.5-1.6m in height, and wore a red shirt. Maybe she was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans as well? I went up, and yes it was her(Apparently, I have never seen this girl anywhere before, and somehow my subconscious picked her up to be someone I knew, and yet I din't even say, or hear her name once in the dream. Sadly, I was unable to remember all her facial features.). We had a good chat, sat down, and continued our conversation over coffee. She needed to go to the wash room, so I followed. Something unique about the country club was that, the taps were shared, except the toilets, changing area and the showers were not(just like Makan Place @ NP, though the colour scheme used was different). When she came out, I learnt that she was there with her family, so I guess it wasn't really a coincidence afterall.

At 5pm, we parted ways. We promised to ring each other up once we're back in Singapore so that we could meet. I did not get to return to the canteen to see if the weather had improved as we were going to trek back to the bungalow. The journey back was tough, especially at the start. The guard at the toll gate was there to stop us, saying that the railway suffered some damage, but if we wanted to carry on, we had to be prepared for the worst. The kid was upset, but stubborn and he wanted to keep going. The adults contemplated our options. A quarrel ensued. 30 minutes later, we decided to set off at 6pm. We had a few more carts so that the adults could sit in and enjoy the ride back instead of going on foot. I linked all the carts together, and we had an engine to help. Somehow, halfway through, I simply broke down, badly. I had no idea why. Even if there was a reason behind it, I can't remember. After we set off, the journey was great. a stretch of the slope that was there had collapsed, and along the way we were able to see the sea and the horizon! It was 7.30pm when we reached the bungalow. We sat down together for dinner, and at 8.30pm, my aunt asked me to the porch, and we had a conversation about my conversation with that girl from the afternoon. I can't remember the details about almost every conversation from the dream, but that one, was filled with lots of advice. I only managed to remember the last part, where she said that if I wanted to, she could send me back home so that we both could see each other the following day. I agreed, and the next moment, I found myself awake, at 5.30pm.

Tomorrow and Sunday, it'll be intensive revision all the way till the end of next week, as August edges to an end and September arrives.

It seems not having the usual conversation for just one day, makes me feel as though something's missing. Maybe with my tone and words, you might find it rather boring? Every moment in text, was lived like there was no tomorrow.

National Day Weekend

Happy 45 birthday!

The recent weekend was kind of special. On Friday, I went to purchase some gear for taking the fireworks over the 2 weekends. On Saturday, went to the flyer with my relatives. In fact, it was our first time. Brought all my gear, hoping to see things I had never seen before. Indeed there was, and we saw students arriving at the F1 pit building, and on the way down 20 minutes later, we saw them making their way to the floating platform. That evening we went to Long Beach for a seafood dinner. Enjoyed it alot, and I tasted prawns for the first time(as I was afraid of the taste of the prawns since young). A prawn surprisingly tastes similar to the crab.

On Sunday, we had a gathering at my uncle's place for lunch. Quite a pleasant drive there, and that was the first time I parked the car perfectly in 1 reverse attempt, and at a car park my dad had never driven to! Went to Clementi to buy dinner and snacks for a soccer match later that evening. We had instant noodles for dinner. The next day, well, easy going morning, but as the time got later, things just kept getting better.

Woke up at 9.20am, surprised that my dad had not gone to work. 30 minutes later, I realised it was the nation's birthday. Lunch was simple, took a family photo after aeons before going to Hort Park(wrong timing) in smart casual attire, which was a wrong decision under hot and humid weather conditions. Went home, changed and went to Commonwealth where we took a train to City Hall to meet my aunt and uncle. Adjourned to the Singapore Recreation Club(SRC), but we had to make a couple of detours along the way. Kind of impressed with the two guys in charge of an exit at City Link. We managed to enter after leaving city link from an alternative exit at 7.20pm after the floats cleared the waiting area and the barricades were temporarily opened. Watched part of the parade live, watched how my dad offered advice to another member who was impressed we knew about the 1/3 rule of photography and videography. During the finale, it was as though I was watching a scene from the Gundam Seed Anime being played in front of me. The red fireworks that swept across the sky from the left to the right of the skyline at the start, was like the thousands of nuclear warheads being intercepted in the anime series.

During that time, I was someone who looked like her (except she was taller and whose voice had a higher pitch) sitting beside me, using a phone of a similar model but of a different colour, taking shots of the pyrotechnics with her family. Had the urge to help her like my father did, but decided not to, since it might spoil the experience for them. Moreover, a voice was telling me to continue waiting patiently, to walk on.

Today was spent on watching the encore telecast on the internet, chatting with a friend whose face I have never seen, who I have never met. My marathon training began today, with the 8-kilometre route. The timing wasn't up to my personal standard, but it was fine, since I had just recovered from a flu and minor knee injuries. Tomorrow, is the day I begin on my intensive revision for the final exams.

Meeting somewhere between December and February. The decision which might make or break it, just like the mere 5 minutes I experienced at Bedok Bus Interchange more than 2 years back.

Supposedly The Last Day Of School

Overslept and woke up at 9.44am. So I missed the last lesson of the semester, and also missed meeting up with the first group of students who were on their way to Yuan Ching Secondary to attend the celebrations. Wanted to meet Gabriel and the others there at 10.30, but was told by Qi Long and Andy that the guards just won't let them through. In the end, no former students returned yesterday(a first in at least 2 years).

In the afternoon, went to city hall, before walking over to Midlink Plaza and Funan to get a shutter remote and a tripod for my brother(turns out he didn't need the tripod afterall). The walk to Midlink Plaza was perfectly fine, except for the return journey to Funan. I had always known that Bugis was just beside City Hall. By train, it's 2 to 3 minutes. On foot, it's 5 to 10 minutes. However,I always got lost in between.

Went back to school for an appreciation ceremony(did not expect it would end so fast) not for the certificate, but for the small reunion, and the food. Went home after that, and till now, I have not started to upload the hundreds of photographs I have.

Next year, if there's a similar event, I'm definitely looking forward to being the driver for their transport!

Break That's Close to 3 Months

The upcoming break is almost similar to the one I had during the post O Level period after leaving MI back in 2007. The only difference is that, there's stuff to do at least up till the examination period from 2nd to 3rd September.

Today, I submitted everything that's due and required for the final grade calculation for every module. Tomorrow's a self declared holiday, since there would only be an hour of school, and I had been skipping school in the morning on the last day of the first semester for the past 2 years, so might as well make it that way for the third.

There were 2 presentations today. The first, which was graded and worth 5% for a module, was still rather unsatisfactory, though there's some improvement from the previous one on Monday. The second presentation which was to be evaluated and recorded in my CCA records, was definitely better as I had prepared, though I had to refer to a script.

The second presentation was an edited version of my part from a graded group presentation back on Monday, where we had to present on how we could encourage people to save the environment.

Here's the speech that I planned(in an hour), but did not memorise. It's not exactly what I spoke during the presentation, but it's close to what I presented.

"Everyone, we have gathered here today, because, our mother is very sick. So sick that the only way to cure her, is to reduce, or better still, care for our environment. Mother Nature is crying out as I bring you this message.

We have attended Live Earth, taken part in earth hour, and joined groups on fb, pledging to reduce our carbon footprints. However, have we done anything? Even right now, standing before you, I am media.

Papers, magazines, posters, ads, documentaries, movies. These various forms of media have been infused into our daily lives, for they can be seen and heard anywhere, anytime. What else? I’m sure you must be tired of turning on the tv, and the first few super-short films you see, is an ad, with the line,”DO NOT LITTER”, being played three times over.

These forms of media send a message, to engage all to help save the environment. S’poreans love contests, yes? Spend an amount at this shopping centre, and you stand a chance to win a hybrid car!(COE not included). There was a nation-wide contest to award the household that chalks up the greatest savings in their utility bill for the month. Campaigns to make you buy bags every first wed of the month. Drive a hybrid car, and you get a little of your money back.

We have heard, seen, and experienced. Now that you know what the organizations have been doing, what can you, as an individual do? Save the trees, go paperless. To all aspiring and current Iphone users who burn incense and hell notes, there is a new application that allows you to burn gifts to your family members in heaven with the touch of a finger! You can burn anything from 10 million bucks to a new car, private jet and even a cruise! Examinations on computers, the driving schools are doing it. You get your theory results within seconds after completing the test!

The 3Rs. Cut down on driving by going public. Of course, if you drink, then please don’t drive. Reuse your water. Wash your car with the water you washed your clothes with. You have no idea how strong your household detergent is. Lastly, bring your own bag to the supermarket. Now that you know what you could do, bring those messages home to your families, for the words of a loved one always mean more sense than the words of a celebrity, or quotes from a newspaper.

Saving our mother. do we even bother? Why worry about the next generation if we are enjoying life as it is? That’s true mother nature. We are wrong. She is our mother, our source of life."

The Feeling of clearing One's Debts

I have cleared my debts! I have submitted part of an assignment that's 3 weeks overdue, and 12 tutorials that were due as early as April, each worth an estimated 1% in the final grade calculations for 2 modules. 1 more would be "paid in full" tomorrow. 2 presentations due in the afternoon and evening, but I'll just take time out to prepare for it in the morning.

There're many things that I don't know, many things that worry me, many things that push me on. I feel lighter, however. It's the start of the month, and I'm enjoying a good start. Got a feeling this month would be good, with ample time to prepare for the final showdown of the semester, coupled with many opportunities waiting at different corners.

Next month? Don't think I should look that far for now.

Another month, and it's a year. History repeating itself? Could possible be the opposite.

August 2010

It's August! The month where things would only become more intense, but the pace feels slower. A short break from the reality of going to back to school for a month perhaps?

My laptop crashed early this morning, but managed to get it on Safe Mode to recover most of the files. However, after reaching home, a miracle occurred. It came back to life! Could be due to the overwhelming space my documents, pictures, movies and songs occupy in the hard disk which caused it to crash, though now it's gotten way slower; I could only open up to 5 tabs in 2 browsers at any one time, the media player takes more time to start up, and I have successfully transferred almost everything to the hard disk, leaving me with the reformatting. Can't bear to do it owing to the amount of time I need to spend to reinstall various programs, though I get to upgrade to Windows 7.

Today, I completed 2 presentations with my group, and submitted the final assignment for a module. I was extremely unhappy with the shabby performance for the first presentation(since it's just 5%), however, we did not have much of a choice since I was supposedly the only member in the team who was able to draw the designs into a Computer Aided Design(CAD) program. They did most of the work, all I had to do, was to follow and read(something I did not like, but had no choice if we wanted to do well for the panel presentation). The third panel assessment went well, except with a couple of errors and suggestions on how we could improve. We started about a minute late, but ended about 10-20 seconds to 10 minutes. It was encouraging during the first 15 seconds when we ended our presentation with nothing being said by the supervisors and Technical Support Officers(TSOs).

Things to do by this week:
Submit:

2 presentations
13 tutorials

32 days to the final examinations. 30 days to their arrival.

Reaching home, watched the first 30 minutes of Inception, and I couldn't watch it anymore. I must go to a cinema to watch it. It took me awhile for the details and stuff mentioned during those scenes to sink into my head, before I realised I had actually experienced those stuff before. Perhaps, if I really did finish watching it at a theatre, I might be able to come up with an idea or two, how I could interpret my dreams(which almost always seem to come true one way or another)?

Free Fall

It's time to plunge. Assignments and tests have been piling up at an alarming rate this few weeks, but I failed to notice the schedule. Tomorrow, more stuff are due, and I have only time to complete one.

In a nutshell, I have a set of Engineering Drawings to complete by tomorrow so that we can compile the materials for the panel presentation come Monday, a presentation on global warming and environmental issues, reflections for a module, and another set of slides for an E-learning assignment, all due on Monday. Tuesday's going to be really relaxed, and I'll take that chance to complete all my tutorials for a module. I'll have an open book test on Wednesday, and a last-minute scheduled speech presentation on Thursday evening. Finally, I'm skipping school again on Friday, since I had been skipping school for the past two years on the school day before National Day. Still considering if I should return to Secondary School in the morning.

After that, it would be a super long break from 7th August till 24th October.

I Don't Just Want To Spend Time With Them Subconsciously

This morning, I had 2 different dreams, lasting a total of 5 hours.

I started dreaming approximately at 2am this morning. I was walking through a forest with the California Challengers and members of the Dumaguete YEP Team in California, and we had to climb a hill to a lighthouse. It wasn't really a lighthouse in present times, but it had been transformed into a museum. Upon entering, there was an exhibit in front of us. At a glance, it looked like a living room. However, our guide told us to gather behind a sofa, and she pointed up at the ceiling, telling us to look carefully at the shadows. The ceiling was really high up, and there was hardly any shadow on the ceiling. I was beside Samuel, and after a couple of moments, I saw walls forming a perimeter on the ceiling, marking out the perimeter of the living room on the ground. Besides the walls, there were windows, and doors!

Our guide was explaining stories behind the separation of the walls from the room, when I spotted some of my friends and children playing outside. There was a swimming pool with a pavilion outside the window! We were let out to enjoy for some time. I can't remember what happened after that, except there was a small dispute between us and a group of youths we did not know.

The dream supposedly ended at 4am, when I found myself somewhere else, in a mall, on an afternoon. I received a phone call from a friend, who happened to be at the same mall as I was. She had brought along two others. I had never met the 3 of them before. A young man came to me, holding out three long metal bars at me. He was dressed in magician's garb, the standard hat, suit and shoes. Each bar seemed more of a magnified light stick, that was glowing white. He asked if I knew who was inside each bar. This dream might not make sense, but somehow it's of some sentimental value to me. In each bar, was a friend. The young man said he was helping them to find me. I thanked him for his help on their behalf, and he said we could go somewhere for a chat while he went back to tend to his booth. The 4 of us went to a nearby park for an afternoon conversation. We talked for 2 hours, about almost everything we could think of. Soon, before we knew it, the man came to reclaim his three metal bars. I woke up at 5am, shortly before returning to sleep, and unconsciously continued from where I left off.

Two of them returned to their human form as soon as I returned the bars. They became even more talkative as soon as that happened, asking all kinds of questions about how they looked, and whether I thought they were different from what I perceived them to look like, and why I felt as though nothing was wrong when I was seemingly talking to 3 light sticks in broad daylight, and how I was able to keep my composure even as all kinds of looks were given to me by passer-bys.

However, the third, requested not to be returned to her human form as soon as I returned the bar. Puzzled, I asked if we were to meet again in future, if we could see each other face to face. At 7am, I was woken up by my alarm clock. How I wish I could go on dreaming.

A possible deja vu in the making? Anything could happen.

Present-Absent Issue

Why, is it that we have to wait till we lose something or someone, when we start to regret our loss? When something is within our grasp, we tend to take things for granted. When its time is up, only then, do we start to realise something was wrong, missing, or left out since the first day it was there. Everyone has only one life. The trick is, to live every minute like there was no tomorrow, to savour every second, as if one might not survive to live the next. How is that possible? Faith, whether in oneself, someone else, or any other being out there, is what helps. Believe in oneself, and/or others. If you can't do it, you can always learn how to.

Failure simply means you hadn't tried hard enough. It's alright. You did not get the result you hoped for, but there would always be another chance to arrive at that result again, or, it could simply mean that a better opportunity to a better result was round the corner, waiting for you.

An action results in a reaction. We all know timing is important as well. By playing one's cards right, one could attain his or her predicted results? Isn't leaving that to luck, leaving it to others to decide what move one should take next? No one is able to clap with one hand. No one can survive from cradle to grave alone without any aid. That's why we have friends and family to turn to in times of need. If all else fails, there's always a home to turn to. None of the above? Just keep walking. Soon, you'l find yourself reaching home, a place where you can find comfort, warmth and a group of people you would come to know as your family, a group of people you'll enjoy being with, who you would gladly live with and care for, till the day you breathe your last breath. Everyone has a home. It's just a matter of where it is, and whether one has already found it.

A person who is sure of the outcome, would dare to do something that gives him or her the chance, or better still, bring him or her that outcome. To live a life of happiness without regrets, is everyone's dream. My life is piling up with moments of different feelings, thoughts, emotions and memories. However, I have only 3 big dreams. In each of the 3 dreams, are a long list of goals helping me to fulfil the dreams. Just let me fulfil these 3, and I would have accomplished what I want in this life.

If I'm too afraid to communicate with them from behind a screen, I don't deserve to communicate with them in person, as it would only become even more quiet(unless they're fine with that, or I'm able to open up more).

Just A Coincidence?

This afternoon, I saw a different view on an opinion of mine, that sometimes, it's simply a coincidence that certain things happen. You go out on the streets, and you meet someone by chance. You get involved in something simply because you were there seemingly at the right time and at the right place, whatever the reason might be. What would you do, if you received something unusual that's a gift that's given to you, for seemingly picking the right choice, and doing what you view as the right thing?

Went to watch The Sorcerer's Apprentice at Jurong Point with Andy, Randall and his friend this afternoon. We had wanted to watch Inception, but we decided to switch to that movie as Andy was afraid he might fall asleep during the movie in case he did not understand the plot of the 2-hour long movie.

It's kind of predictable as for any other movie where the main character gets bestowed a power, and uses that power to achieve something after having self-doubts before accepting his/her fate and stepping up to the task, not forgetting the main dish: duels. Lots of it.

In our present day life, everyone wants to live a simple, normal life whilst accomplishing tasks and feats that would set them apart from the rest. However, only a small minority would dream of doing something many wouldn't do, since it's said that "leaders don't do different things, leaders do things differently". If you're leading a simple, scheduled life that's average and enjoyable, would you do something to make it better? Taking small steps, yes. Making one giant leap to achieve greatness, most would stop, procrastinate, and think at least twice. Working one's way to the top to earn a 5-figure sum, or biting that bullet to buy that potential winning lottery ticket that's worth a dollar, that could make you a millionare in one night? It's your choice. However, whichever path one chooses, there's no turning back, although it is possible to change the future, with the right set of decisions made at each junction in life, to return to the other path one could have taken much earlier on.

Whether one could ever change the future to enjoy what he could have enjoyed if he/she had taken the other route, it's all at the mercy of time, and the decisions of others. The end result of that route, is a miracle, the best result fate could reward one who makes the right choices. The more decisions one make for a miracle to happen, the greater and more valuable the miracle would be for the individual, and possibly, two or more individuals who might or might not be related.

However, what makes a miracle, truly seem like a miracle? Some associate it with luck, a coincidence. That's what make a miracle special. Even winning the lottery, might seem a great deal, simply because the many balls in the machine are pushing each other, generously inviting their numbered pals to take their place. Whichever ball gives in and takes the spot, provides a ticket containing its number the chance to win a prize, provided a certain number of digits held by its other ball pals accept their places in the remaining spots.

In the end, it's still about decisions, feelings, timing, ethics and people. So does something happen because it's a coincidence? It's just so difficult to tell exactly how things happen, because the Earth doesn't revolve around a single human, being or organism.

Fate: Your Next Stop In Life

When an opportunity comes, you either take it, or have let it go, in the faith that a better opportunity might just come your way later on. The decision, the choice of choosing the better path to take at a crossing, to help you reach your next destination in life, leads you to your fate, the next stop on your 100-year or so journey, that seems endless, even at death.

In the past, I used to believe that fate was simply determined by time, nothing else. This was one of the million things I had never realised in detail till after my O Levels. Since the day I stepped into campus as a full time student, I never expected my life was going to sky rocket, with experiences I used to think that were impossible, unfolding before my eyes. The result of a simple, yet important choice which I made, and a journey I was fated to travel, at the cost of 1 grade point at the 2007 General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level Examination. I only have those around me, close or far, to thank, for helping to give me the confidence to make the life changing decision, and helping me reach where I am today.

Just a day ago, I was given an opportunity to help in a charitable operation by helping a team of 2 friends to go to a couple of secondary schools to pick up used clothes donated by students today, but I decided that it was a bit of a risk, as I was going to miss a whole day of school. However, it turned out the day's activities in school was kind of unproductive, with me returning to the realm of gaming with some classmates, though I managed to catch up with the class, and our Final Year Project(FYP) team managed to come up with a list of things to do leading up to the third panel.

Something amazing about fate, it employs the economic theory of opportunity costs. You can either have one way or another, but each time, you can't enjoy the best of both worlds, since no one can be at two places at any one time. If I had gone for the collection(a rare opportunity), I would have missed school, and the introduction of The Christieara Programme(YES I FINALLY HAD THE RIGHT SPELLLING) for the first year students, coupled with introductory speeches and sharing sessions by representatives from the California Challenge and Dumaguete (Philippines) Youth Expedition Project. The TCP sure is becoming more geared to providing students with a holistic education during their stay in NP!

Met lots of people, friends and saw over 700 students beggining a new chapter in their 3-year journey with NP. I returned to the days of being an event photographer. Thanks to Joel for giving me that little push to go forth and take up the role. Reunited with about half of the Cebu team of 2009 who are now members of the Overseas Merit Fellowship: California Liberal Arts Challenge 2010.

Helped to transport the collected clothes at 8pm when Danial and his partner arrived with the clothes. How I wished I were 2 years older today, so that I could help the Operation Juvi team with their collection, to be able to hire and drive a van without difficulty, to be able to collect all the donated clothes from the participating instituitions around the island, and helping the team to save precious time and manpower on travelling around to collect donated clothes. Before that, a small group of us went to Makan Place for a late dinner. This evening was the first time I dared to reach out to a toddler who found a temporary comfort by my side. I wonder if it's the same for all young children, or if I had something in me that never failed to invite them to stand beside me. Somehow, it fills me with joy inside, calming my senses, making me feel as if I were floating in the air..

"Luck favours a prepared mind" John Chng, TCP manager

7 nights later, though I could not remember the plot, I was still able to go places with them.

Taking Things Easy

It's halfway through the 3rd week of the 2nd term of the 5th semester, and I seem to be slowly regaining my vision of the final.

Math today was surprisingly, good. I did not fall asleep during the lecture today, and I was able to solve 2 questions during the tutorials with almost no assistance! Hopefully there'll be more stuff to put up tomorrow night.

6 consecutive nights, and counting. Each night saw me going to a different place, having a different experience with them.

Day 15-A faulty Phone Helps, Sometimes

"It's been a day since my phone suddenly gave me problems with the messaging function. Today, I was in school and had my second panel presentation for my Final year Project(FYP). It went really well, and the phone's fault helped make it possible too, as I had received a couple of messages during the time where we had our presentation. Although it was set to the Silent Mode, it's still better not to receive messages or calls during the period of time, for it could disrupt my train of thought during the presentation, especially while I was thinking of how to answer a question posed by the panel.

Alright, although it's one day extra, I doubt this would foil the project of a group of students I'm helping?"

At least, I found out the issue lies with the fact that I had an overloaded inbox, due to the fact that I couldn't bear to delete my older messages. Thus, I had to reorganise my inbox by moving all the messages to a different folder. Too bad my phone and laptop would not allow me to transfer my messages to the laptop.

Day 14-The Last Day?

"It's the last day of the programme, and I sure am glad I was able to return to blogging. The 14 days has helped to reinstate my old pastime of posting small portions of my memories on the net, to help myself, and friends to know about my experiences in life. I'll be able to continue posting more news and reflections, for that's what helps an individual develop greatly over time. Sometimes, expressing thoughts and feelings in words could make things alot easier to think about, and helps one plan ahead for the future."

Somehow, today I felt as though something was missing in my life. Lethargy, loss of interest in whatever I did(extremely short interest span). I could be doing something for just 5 minutes, and the next thing I knew, I was lying on my bed. It's weird. Just a day ago, I was doing fine, feeling great, and I was able to get lots of things done. Perhaps, my mind needed a break badly due to my tendency to think too much, to recover from the excessive death of brain cells. The answer, might have been staring in front of me the whole time, but I am afraid. Afraid to confirm if that was really the answer to my questions.

Day 13-Cousins' Visit

Here's celebrating my 300th post!

This morning, I had 2 dreams, the first was set in pure darkness until toward the end I started to see light. The second was a continuation of the first after I woke up at 6am, and tried to sleep to continue dreaming(Lots of Deja Vu moments from today were from that dream).

The first dream probably started at 4am this morning, maybe earlier. I can't determine the time, or place in the dream, as my surroundings was pitch black. It started with me hearing a friend's voice, telling me,"Hey, wake up. She's online."

"Huh? Oh oh! But so early?"

I saw her profile flash at the bottom right of my sight. I wasn't seated in front of any screen. I looked around, it was pure darkness. The only thing I could see was a small tab showing her profile name and picture, stating she was online. I got up and went to the computer, and started a conversation. She asked about the school I was studying at, about the courses offered there. Suddenly she said that she was planning to make a trip to the school with 2 other friends to look around, as they had never been there, and would arrive between 11am to 1pm.

After she went offline, I could see the cabin, and my room mate behind me. I woke up at 6am.

I tried to sleep again, to continue with the dream. Somehow I wanted very badly to see how the day developed. At around 6.30am, I found myself waking in the cabin again. I saw her still online, and went to chat with her. However this time, we were talking about the times we had feelings for each other, and though I could feel she was hesitant to start over with me, I was hinting to her I would like to start afresh. She was refusing my hints in a sweet tone. Her message had the word "Auttthhhhiiiiinnnnnnnggg", which I stared hard at, trying to decipher the meaning. Did it mean "outing"? Her last message before going offline was asking if I was interested in her close friend, 'Alanor'(the name isn't spelt that way, though it sounds the same).

At 10am, I got changed, and went to the school. The crew was at Makan Place, so I went there to join them for brunch at 11am. I saw a group of 3 girls. I went to them, and invited them to join us since we had some extra portions. The captain invited them to join us on the short voyage to Orchard Road after lunch, as we were going to relax for the afternoon, before preparing for a battle at Mount Faber in the evening. They agreed, and decided to tag along, and return to look around the school when we return in the evening.

At Orchard Road, the 5 of us went to a department stall at one of the top floors of a shopping mall. We met another 2 friends there. One was teasing her, while another, was teasing the both of us, asking how the both of us were getting along.

Just then, the captain and 4 other comrades came, and told us to look out the window. It seems that the battle had started way earlier than we had expected, and we were mobilised to take part in the defence as well. As the ship was docked somewhere far from our location, and the 5 of us had no choice but to head over to the site first, since we could summon our crafts, also known as mobile suits(something like a super sized suit, but it's armed with weapons) from our present location. She held on to me, asking to follow me on board the craft. Somehow, without even thinking, I simply allowed her to follow. However, the both of us had to get to somewhere else before we could summon our crafts. I brought her all the way to Vivo City, so that I could prepare her to join me on board the craft, which could only seat a pilot. I was able to modify my craft at a secret workshop there by configuring the craft. Before I pressed the button to summon the craft, I told her to prepare herself for the flight to the battle site. I woke up at 8.45am.

Once again, I tried to fall asleep at 8.45am, and at 9am, I saw myself seated in a circle with the crew and with her seated opposite me on the floor outside the entrance of Makan Place. Her friends, and two of our friends who we met at the department stall, were not present. We were having dinner, talking about all kinds of stuff. Although we were not seated beside each other, I felt as though we had reconciled.

She was about my shoulder height, and her voice seemed to have gotten a little higher pitched.

I woke up at 9.45am, but my head felt really heavy, as though it wanted me to sleep on to continue dreaming. However, I did not want to go back to sleep or I might sleep till 12, and might not be able to remember my dream upon waking, as that heavy feeling in my head wasn't a good sign. If I had fell asleep, I would go into a deep sleep almost immediately and would wake at least 2 hours at 12pm, unable to remember whatever I had dreamt.

"This evening, my cousins came over to visit, and to pick up some pills as one of my cousins would be going overseas on a back packing trip in the coming week. Had my dinner late this evening as I had just returned from an evening run, while everyone sat at the table and chatted about our overseas experiences. I can't help, but feel the warmth. The conversation has fuelled my desire to go on a long trip with a group of close friends."

Day12-Celebrations

"Today, I celebrated a birthday, and a gathering with fellow TCP(The Christiera Programme) students from the Mechanical Engineering Division. Things did not turn out to be as bad as I had expected, and instead, I went home with lots of great memories instead!

There were lots of clashing plans, but somehow, we managed to coordinate our plans in such a way that I was able to attend both events back to back, which was great. The first was a friend's birthday, where I, together with friends from the YEP team, helped to surprise her at the underpass leading to the bus stop in the evening. It was so well planned, that we got down to business only 30 minutes before the scheduled surprise time! Next, I went back to the barbecue pits to help with the gathering, which was a smashing success, considering the time and effort we took to organise it. I had attended at least 15 barbecues, but I guess I'm making this the 17th one. My cooking skills had improved once again!"

Though I didn't have the chance to say it, thanks for the chat this evening. Enjoyed it thoroughly.

Day 11-First official Speech

"Three years after I joined the Ngee Ann Student Toastmasters Club, I gave my first speech this evening. Somehow, I just felt that it was a 'sooner or later' kind of thing. Though it wasn't prepared, and I was kind of nervous on the outside, but on the inside, I felt really calm, thinking of what to say next. The only issue I had, was to come up with points to say, fast. It wasn't unexpected, for I always gave my speeches and spoke of my thoughts right to the point, short and sweet.

Not my best speech, but definitely one that gave me the motivation to start planning for my next."

Day 10-Pen and Paper

"Today, I finally decided to return to the old fashioned method of record keeping. I would type out logs of traces of what I could remember from each dream on my laptop's desktop, which started late last October, when I started dreaming frequently about someone who I had never known or met in life before. Soon, I realised there were just too many logs, and limited room to paste those digital post-its.

Thus, I decided to return to the old fashioned way, which is reliable and safe. I wouldn't have to worry about my laptop's battery life, or whether there is a wireless hotspot available, since I might have blogged about it instead of putting it on the desktop.

In future, I can trace my dreams with ease the next time I get that usual sense of Deja Vu."