Back On Track

This post might be sensitive to some readers. If you could understand the words, you're really something.

I had never been to a camp that has been able to create that small change in me. Millions of things have happened since the day I breathed my first breath. Energetic and social, to timid and introverted over 6 years. Recovered. Slowly. And then there came an email, which I did not want to reply at first. Asked around for opinions. Saw green all around. Rushed to the office, before going off for my driving lesson.

Much assests have been wasted on me. I never wanted this to be the 5th time. 'Just one last time. If this one doesn't create that spark, let's give the next few the miss.'

The name is probably one of the most boring ones I have seen. How could it even be one where I heard nothing but praises about? Forget it. Just endure for 3 days, and we're free.

The morning before it started was silent. Before it even started, I was already having a nice chat with 4 others. The first camp where there wasn't an obvious ice breaker. Everyone, simply bonded like a magnet. Birds of a feather, we flocked together. Indeed. Who was I to judge the novel by its name? With a boring title, Its contents where bright as gold. Flipping through, I was greeted with challenges and opportunities.

I was given a chance. Hesistantly, I took it. Something must have given me that little push, which got things started. Loud, hyper, enthusiastic on the inside, yet silent, shy, sheepish on the outside. Had the chance, took the risk, made the change. I started to break away.

The act on the last day. It could relate to how I felt when I felt it happening. From packing my stuff disdaintedly the night before, to being reluctant to leave everyone. Looking back, it's always the same feeling. Wondering about how it could have lasted for another day or two, it was just a void, feeling of emptiness, yet there was something to look forward to. A new me. Just as quiet, shy and boring, but when it comes to communicating, there's depth and enthusiasm.

Each time I look back, I'll think with regret. 'If I had come expecting nothing great, I would have been able to take home lots and lots of goodies that a greedy kid would die for.'

I wish I was normal... What am I doing... I don't belong... I'm a weirdo... I'm a creep... I feel like taking up the guitar again, and although I have forgotten my voice, I wish I could sing a little in front of others...